A Tragic Fairytale
by I.Am.Molly
Summary: Everyone hopes for their own fairytale ending, but the journey to 'Happy Ever After' is never an easy one to make. This story contains love, heartbreak, loss and tragedy. Brace yourselves, this will be a bumpy ride! The M rating is mainly for the adult themes and language than anything overly explicit. Please read and review. My first go at angst, lets hope it goes well!
1. Chapter 1

"We have some news!" Penny said with a beaming smile on her face as she stood at the kitchen counter. Everyone was gathered in 4A and had only just cleaned up the mess from their takeout dinner when Penny made her announcement. "We're getting married!"

"What?!" Bernadette said loudly from her seat on the sofa beside Amy and Sheldon. She had a mixture of shock and excitement written on her face, as did much of the rest of them. Penny just grinned and showed off the new ring on her finger. Howard, who was sitting on the armrest beside Bernadette, and Raj, who was sitting on the floor, said nothing. They just sat with their mouths agape in shock, while Amy and Bernadette began to get excited at the prospect of another wedding.

Sheldon was the first one to get up and congratulate her, it _was_ the social protocol for this type of situation and he wasn't caught up by emotion like the rest of them were. "I believe the appropriate beverage under these circumstances is champagne," He said after giving Penny, and then her fiancé, who was sitting on a stool beside her, a firm handshake. "But I don't believe we have any. Leonard, you need to go to the store."

Leonard was still sat in his chair, completely blindsided by what had just happened. He was fully aware that Penny was in a relationship and had been for about 18 months, but he hadn't realized it was this serious. As soon as she had spoken those words he felt a little piece of his heart ache, a reaction he hadn't quite expected. As far as he knew, he had gotten over Penny. They had been broken up just over a year when she, and the man that would now be called her fiancé, Brandon, had started dating, and over that time he had managed to accept that they could only be friends. It didn't stop him loving her, but he figured he would always have some sort of love inside himself for Penny, so there was no point in trying to change that.

It had hit him hard at first when she had started to date Brandon, because of all the guys she dated after they had broken up, he was the first one that she kept around for longer than a month, and that told Leonard she really liked him. He couldn't blame her, Brandon, by all accounts, was a great guy. He was older than her, but younger than Leonard by a year or so. He was tall, dark haired and although Leonard himself had never seen his body, the tailored suits he wore seemed to show off the physique of a pretty toned and muscular man. His tanned complexion and soft, yet strong features, hinted at some sort of foreign background, maybe Spanish or Italian. He was smart too, not genius smart of course, but he was in no way stupid. He had recently attained his law degree and was beginning work for a local law firm.

Leonard couldn't help but think, when Penny had formerly introduced him to the group, that she couldn't have found anyone more perfect if she had tried, and he was pretty sure the girls would agree by how giddy, yet weirdly shy they became around him. Brandons perfection was shown off best however, in his personality. He was incredibly charming, funny and confident, and it hadn't taken him long to win over each member of their group, including Leonard. But the most important thing to him was that he made Penny happy and because of that, Leonard, over time, just about managed to let go of what romantic feelings he had for her and assumed the role of her best friend.

So why did it hurt so much? Why wasn't he feeling the same excitement for her that the rest of his friends were? Maybe he wasn't as far along in the 'moving on' process as he had thought. Maybe a small part of him had thought that at some point, they would find their way back to each other. Maybe it hurt because ever since the day he had met her he had pictured himself being the one to take her down the aisle, and the thought of watching someone else have that honour, just about ripped his heart out.

Leonard was snapped out of his thoughts when Brandon spoke. "No need for that Sheldon. I already got some!" He said as he headed out of the apartment and into Pennys.

Leonard watched on as all his friends went up to congratulate Penny and he realized he would have to do the same. He put aside his twinging feelings of heartache and he got up off his chair, putting on the best smile he could muster up. "Congratulations Penny." He said softly when he reached her. She gave him a knowing look, like somehow she understood how hard this was for him, and then smiled and pulled him in for a hug.

"Thank you, sweetie." She said quietly in his ear as she held him. After a moment they parted, gave each other a quick smile and sat back down.

Brandon returned almost immediately with two bottles of champagne in hand, and headed to the kitchen to open it and pour the drinks. Bernadette and Amy then pulled Penny over to the couch, sitting her in between the both of them, and moving Howard off his spot on the armrest, then proceeded to grill her on every detail about the proposal. Leonard immediately got up and headed over to help Brandon pour the drinks, not quite ready to listen to Penny gush to the girls about this perfect guy she had found and had no doubt given her the perfect proposal.

Penny noticed Leonard get up and leave as soon as Amy had asked how Brandon proposed, and couldn't help but feel a little guilty as she cursed herself for not realizing that her announcement would hurt him a little. She had gotten so used to him just being her friend, that she had almost forgotten the history between them, and as she thought about it now, she wished she had told everyone individually, not like this. She allowed herself a moment to think what it must feel like for him right now, imagining how she would feel if he suddenly announced he was marrying someone else, and then immediately erased the thought before she could actually register how that would feel, scared of what her heart would tell her.

She returned her attention to the two girls at her side, eagerly awaiting her details of the night before. "He did it last night, as we were watching the sunset from the hills." She grinned as she remembered the night. It had been so peaceful on that hill, just the two of them as they watched the world go by beneath that slope. Brandon had always been a very romantic man, and his proposal reflected that. He got down on one knee and presented her a beautiful ring as the sky turned from blue to various shades of orange and red. He had told her how much he loved her, how he cherished her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. How could she say no? How could she deny something as beautiful as that?

She vaguely remembered her panic the moment he began his speech, knowing exactly where he was going with it. She remembered hearing his words in the distance as her mind ran through what was happening. Marriage was something that had always scared her. It was the biggest show of commitment to someone and commitment was something she wasn't very good at dealing with. She reminded herself as she watched him speak, that she loved him. That this is what people who are in love do, and that if she wanted to be with him, this was something she _had_ to do. She didn't want to hurt him with her fear. She didn't want to do what she had done before and deny someone she cared about because she was afraid, and later end up regretting her decision. But could she really agree to marry him now because she was afraid she would regret it later if she didn't? They weren't even living together yet, that would be another hurdle that she would be forced to jump over if she said yes, but maybe it was time for her to make that jump in her life. Maybe now she could make up for all the times when instead of making a leap, she would curl into a ball, and make the biggest leap ever.

All of this ran through her mind within a split second and before she knew it, he was looking up at her, with hope in his eyes and love in his heart, waiting for her answer. She knew then that she couldn't do it again. She couldn't let her fear stop her forever. And even if she wasn't one hundred per cent sure she was ready to make this jump, she didn't want to take the risk of feeling the same regret as she had in the past if she ran away from someone she cared about. Somehow she had once again found herself a good guy, one who cared a great deal about her, and she couldn't let that go again. So she said yes, and hoped that she had made the right decision.

"Oh, that sounds wonderful!" Amy said dreamily, bringing Penny out of her thoughts.

"Okay, here you go." Brandon said as he walked over to the sofa and handed out the glasses of champagne, followed closely by Leonard who was handing out a few as well.

Penny smiled as she watched Leonard help out her fiancé, thinking how glad she was that she and him had managed to stay friends despite their break-ups. She still cared deeply for him, and she was sure he did too after seeing the moment of hurt on his face when she announced her engagement. But they were better off like this, as friends, because when they become more than that, someone always gets hurt.

Penny noticed everyone begin to stand up and gather around the coffee table, so she stood up with them. Brandon came over to stand beside her and took a hold of her hand. She smiled as she took her glass from him and held it slightly in the air with everyone else.

"To the happy couple," Howard toasted, "It's all downhill from here!" He joked and most of the group laughed except from Bernadette, who nudged him in the stomach and glared at him. "It was a joke!" He said raising a hand defensively.

"Well it wasn't funny!" Bernadette barked.

Leonard and Penny locked eyes from across the room. They gave each other a small smile before Leonard put his glass in the air and said, "To Brandon and Penny," which was then echoed from the rest of the group.

"To Brandon and Penny."

* * *

**Just a quick note about timeline. This story is set roughly a year and a half from the beginning of season 6. It sort of goes A/U, with the idea that Penny actually did break up with Leonard in episode 02 of season 6, instead of falling for those puppy dog eyes! Like I said in the summary this story is intended to be full of angst and does deal with some quite sensitive subjects, but I hope you enjoy it :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Three weeks later.

Leonard entered the laundry room, empty basket in hand, and spotted Penny, sitting atop one of the machines, staring intently at her mobile phone. Her hair was tied up, and she had what looked like her workout clothes on; a pink tank top, a pair of jogging bottoms and sneakers. He stared at her for a second, completely puzzled, before clearing his throat to make his presence known and walking into the room.

Penny looked up from her phone for a second, "Oh, hey Leonard." She said before focusing her attention back on her phone.

"Hey…" He replied, still with a look of confusion on his face. He placed his basket on the top of one of the machines and then said, "What are you doing?"

Penny popped her head up again and turned her phone around quickly, "Angry birds." She said and turned her phone around again to continue her game, hoping that he wouldn't ask her any more questions. She had a lot on her mind and she hoped she would be able to sit down here, wait on her washing to dry and not be bothered for a while. Leonard was probably the worst person that could have come through that door, because he could always tell when something was wrong with her and never usually gave up until she told him what it was that was bothering her.

"And why are you in the laundry room?" He asked.

"Waiting on my clothes to dry." She said nodding her head towards the spinning dryer. She could tell by his expression he was a little confused, but she hoped he would give in and accept what she had said. She really didn't feel like talking.

"Okay…" Leonard said slowly, not quite understanding why she wasn't acknowledging how weird this was. "…And why wouldn't you just go home and wait?"

Penny continued to stare at her phone as she tried to think up a reason, "Because…" She began a few seconds later. "Years ago, there was this little nerd and his three friends, they thought it would be fun to shoot up a little rocket with real rocket fuel!" She spoke in a slightly mocking tone, but like she was really telling the story to someone who didn't know it. "Turned out one of the little nerds messed up the formula and ended up blowing up the elevator!" She opened her mouth in fake shock. "Ever since then it has been broke, and whenever I want to do laundry I have to go up and down four flights of stairs, FOUR TIMES!" She said holding up four fingers, and then shrugged her shoulders. "So maybe this time, I decided I would just wait down here for it."

Leonard smiled and then nodded, "Oh yeah, I think I heard that story before. They say the one that messed up the formula was pretty cute!"

Penny laughed, scrunched up her nose and shook her head, "I never heard that."

Leonard chuckled and opened up the washing machine that had his dry clothes inside. "Alright then, if you are going to be down here, you may as well come and help me fold my clothes."

Penny huffed loudly and looked up at him, "Do I have to?!" She pretended that she didn't want to, but deep down she was glad that he had moved the conversation on to something else.

"Come on," He said motioning his head towards the dryer, "You are crap at that game anyway."

"Yeah, I know…" Penny giggled as she put the phone in her pocket and hopped off of the machine, "but I'm not going to get better unless I practice!"

"Okay well, you can think of this as practice then." Penny looked at him puzzled. "For when you become a domesticated housewife." Leonard chuckled.

Penny scoffed, "That is never going to happen!" She said then giggled.

They then began to pull a piece of clothing, one by one, from the dryer, fold it up and put it into the basket Leonard had brought down with him.

"I love it when clothes just come out the dryer." Leonard said as he pulled out one of his t-shirts. "They are always so soft and warm." He giggled.

Penny looked over at him and smiled, unable to stop herself from thinking how adorable he looked at that moment. That thought then went one step further and she thought about how adorable he looked when he wore the t-shirt he was holding, and how he looked without the hoodie and jacket over him. She thought about his broad, strong shoulders that were normally hidden under layers. She thought about his arms, his chest, his stomach…

"What?" Leonard said, feeling suddenly self-conscious as he noticed her staring at him.

Penny shook the thoughts out of her mind quickly, noticing that her breathing had become slightly laboured and her heart was beating just that bit faster than it had been a moment ago. This was dangerous territory, they were friends now, nothing more, and more importantly, she had a fiancé. She couldn't let herself think of him like that anymore, and up until now she hadn't. She had no idea why these thoughts were coming back into her head, but they had.

"Oh, nothing." She replied dismissively.

Leonard looked at her in confusion for a second more, before dismissing it and going back to his laundry. They worked in silence for a few minutes, before Leonard decided to clear up his confusion at why she was sitting alone in the laundry room in the first place. He knew that what she had told him earlier about not wanting to climb the stairs was a lie. He just hadn't mentioned it then because he knew not to push her for too much at once or else she would close up, and her temper would take over. He had learned that the hard way. "So, are you going to tell me why you were sitting down here then?" He eventually asked.

"I told you." She said simply. _Crap. _She thought instantly. He was bringing it up again and she was sure this time he wouldn't let it go so easily.

"No, you gave me an excuse." He said with a slight giggle. "You have lived here for years and although you may complain about having to walk up and down the stairs, you have never sat down in the laundry room on your own just to avoid using them. So tell me, what's wrong?"

Penny wondered for a moment if she should tell him the truth. If she should say that she was down here alone because she needed a break from the man that was taking over her apartment. Brandon had begun moving in his stuff a few days after they announced their engagement. It was something they had discussed and she had thought she was ready for. She had naïvely thought that him moving into her home wouldn't be as big of a deal as it was, considering they already spent a lot of time together anyway and had even been on short breaks away with each other. She had thought that him moving in, would just be the same as those weekends away, and although it was exciting at first, as soon as the dust settled upon the newly placed belongings in her home, she found herself beginning to doubt her decisions as they had begun to fight, almost every day about one stupid thing and then another. It made her question whether she really could do this, if she really would be able to spend the rest of her life with him. She loved him, she knew that, but maybe it wasn't enough.

She looked at Leonard, who was still waiting on his answer and told herself that she couldn't tell him about all of that, it wouldn't really be appropriate considering their history. But then again, they were friends, and friends talked to each other about this sort of stuff. And part of her kind of knew that even if she was to try and tell him another ill thought out lie, he would see right through it again and wonder why she was lying to him.

_What's wrong?_ She thought to herself, repeating the question he had given to her. Where would she start? She had agreed to marry a man who she was now finding she could barely live with and she had just daydreamed about her ex, who was standing right in front of her now, when they were supposed to be over those feelings for one another.

"Penny?" Leonard asked when she hadn't spoken for a while. He had been watching her for the past few moments, lost in her own thoughts, absentmindedly folding a pair of his pants. He began to worry for her a little, wondering what was going on inside her head. He knew something was up, and he desperately wanted her to talk to him, he wanted to help her feel better about whatever was happening. But he couldn't help her unless she told him what was wrong.

"It's nothing Leonard, really." Penny said. She saw him continue to look at her from the corner of her eye and she knew he wasn't going to let up. She let out a deep sigh as she put his pants into the basket, and decided she would have to tell him something. "It's harder than I thought… This whole 'moving in together' thing." She began. "We have kinda been fighting a lot recently. Just about silly things and I guess I came down here to… I dunno, get some space."

"Oh…" He said quietly. He didn't know what else to say. He had thought they were blissfully happy together, they had always seemed that way. Maybe he wasn't making her as happy as Leonard had thought he was, or maybe Penny was just doing what she usually does and was freaking out about the commitment of it all. "Is he in your apartment now?" He asked and Penny nodded. "Will he not be wondering where you are?"

Penny sighed. "I told him I was going to go for a run after I done the laundry." She motioned to her clothes and Leonard smiled, the pieces finally coming together in his head. "It wasn't a complete lie, I did go for a run, but it was just around the block and I got bored so I came back here."

"Oh, yeah, because laundry rooms are much more fun!" Leonard joked. "Look… Penny," He said becoming more serious when he noticed Penny still seemed quite sad. "This is a big change for you, of course it's going to be hard at first, you haven't lived with anyone since… Kurt right?" Penny nodded. "And that was a long time ago. You will get used to it, just give it some time. But in the meantime, don't go hiding down here, just tell him you need some space..."

He couldn't deny it hurt him a little to be giving her advice that would keep her in her current relationship, but he cared about her and he wanted her to be happy, and if making her happy meant helping her keep her relationship with Brandon together, then that's exactly what he would do. "I'm pretty sure it was you that told me before if something isn't going the way you want it to, you should say it. I think that applies here. Just tell him you are finding it difficult, he might be too." Penny smiled a little and nodded along to what he was saying. "And, you know if you ever need somewhere to go you can always come to our place… We can beat Sheldons ass at Halo together… unless you would prefer to hang out with the washing machines, of course!"

Penny giggled as she looked at Leonard, wondering how on earth he managed to be so understanding and give advice to his ex-girlfriend that would actually help her relationship with her fiancé. She liked to think that if the tables were turned, she would do the same for him, but she just wasn't sure she would.

"Yeah, you're right." She said. She gave him a sweet smile, one that told him 'thanks' without her even having to speak, and he returned it to her. They then continued with the last of his clothes and Leonard picked up the basket as soon as all his belongings were back inside of it. He was about to say thank you to Penny for helping and head out the door when one of the machines stopped and buzzed.

"Not so fast little man!" Penny said quickly. She headed over to the machine, opened it and put her own basket on top of the machine beside it. "Time for you to return the favour!"

* * *

About a half an hour later they were finished and headed back up to their apartments with their perfectly folded clothes in their baskets. Penny found herself feeling much better than she had earlier on that day. It fascinated her how easily Leonard could make her feel better about whatever was getting her down, how he could have her smiling and laughing when all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and be left alone. They said goodbye in the hallway and headed their separate ways.

She walked into her apartment with a grin on her face and immediately put her laundry away. She felt full of energy, one million times better than she had felt in a while and much better about her situation with Brandon. Leonard was right, they both just needed time to adjust to the change, and before long she would be much happier having him around all the time. She looked around, suddenly noticing that Brandon wasn't in the apartment and wondered where he had gone. She shrugged her shoulders, assuming he had probably gone to the store or something and headed to the kitchen to look through her fridge. She had so much energy that she just didn't know what to do with, so she decided to cook dinner. She took out some minced beef and put it in the frying pan, adding some sauce when the it had browned, and then put on some pasta in a seperate pot. Spaghetti was just about all she had in her tank when it came to home cooking, so spaghetti was what they were having.

She became lost in her thoughts as she stirred the sauce, thinking about everything from Brandon, to her upcoming wedding and inevitably to Leonard. She tried not to think about why she had begun to fantasize about him earlier on, but the thought kept on popping up in her mind. She had no idea where it had come from. Sure, she always knew that she would find him quite attractive, but she hadn't looked at him and basically undressed him with her eyes in a long time. He had such an underrated handsomeness about him. He really could be quite gorgeous at times, but he never knew it and that was something Penny always liked about him. She could remember many times in the past, when they were dating, that she would tell him how attractive he was to her, but he just wouldn't believe it. The most he would accept was that he was 'cute', and he was, but sometimes he was so much more than that.

She continued to stir as her mind wandered, and then she felt him on her. She closed her eyes as his hands came around her waist, pulling her to him and placed his lips on her neck. She smiled to herself as she imagined the man behind her. "Hey baby." He said but she didn't really hear him, her mind had already gone as soon as she felt that chest that she had fantasized about earlier, pressed up against her back. His soft lips began to kiss along her shoulder and she let out a small moan as he moved back up to her neck. She wondered for a second why she couldn't feel his black frames hit against the side of her head, but that thought quickly vanished when he bit down on her skin. She let go of the spoon she was using to stir the food, to pull his head against her and put her hand in his hair, frowning when she didn't feel his long curls between her fingers and opened her eyes. She looked down at the hands that were across her stomach and noticed that they were not the same. They were a little bigger and a lot more tanned. She felt her stomach fall as she realized what was going on and turned around to see Brandon. She looked up at him and managed a smile despite her mixed feelings of guilt and disappointment.

"Are you making dinner?" He said with a chuckle. "Let me guess? Spaghetti?"

Penny giggled as she caught her breath, "Shut up or you aren't getting any." She said as she lightly slapped his chest. "I'm just waiting on the pasta, it should be ready in about ten minutes. Where were you?"

Brandon smiled and nodded his head towards the kitchen counter, where a bottle of wine and some snacks were sitting, "Went to the store," he said and leaned in to kiss her again. Penny mentally shrugged away the thoughts of Leonard as best as she could, trying to focus her mind on the man in front of her and not the man across the hall.

"Come with me," Brandon said softly as he began to move towards the bedroom.

Penny was hesitant, she didn't want to have sex with him knowing that Leonard was on her mind. She didn't want to be one of those women who fantasized about someone else while they were with their partner. "But what about the food." She said as she looked towards the cooker.

He walked towards her again and turned off the hobs. "That can wait." He said before taking a hold of her hand.

Penny let herself be led into the room, unable to deny that he had turned her on before, even if she had thought he was someone else. She closed her eyes and cleared her mind, telling herself this was just a phase. She loved Brandon and she wanted to be with him, that was why she had agreed to marry him wasn't it? She told herself these thoughts of Leonard would pass soon enough as she was laid down on the bed. At least she hoped they would.


	3. Chapter 3

Penny, Amy and Bernadette were sitting at a round table in front of the bar at one of the nightclubs in Pasadena. They were dressed up in their sexiest gear and ready to let their hair down. The girls had noticed that Penny had been slightly stressed out ever since the engagement, which they put down to the sudden change in her life with him moving into her apartment, and knew that a night of drinking and blowing off steam was just what she needed.

"So have you decided who your maid of honour is going to be?" Amy said excitedly, raising her eyebrows up and down. "You know I have had quite some experience in that area!"

Penny laughed as she sipped on her drink. She was so glad she had agreed to a night out with just the girls, she really needed it after all of the confusion and stress of the past few days. Things had got a little better with Brandon, but she still found it difficult having him around all the time, she just hoped that what Leonard said about it getting better would be true… and then there was the issue of Leonard. She still found herself thinking about him quite a lot and it worried her, she was supposed to be getting married, to a man she loved, and yet her ex plagued her mind almost constantly. She just couldn't figure out why.

"Well?" Amy said impatiently as she sipped on her wine.

Penny sighed. She should have realized they would want to talk about her wedding. The thing was she was kind of sick of talking about it. Brandon had brought it up quite a few times since the proposal, which she figured was normal, but she just wasn't ready to start planning it. He had asked her questions about how many bridesmaids she would want and where she would like to have it, but she always just answered with a shrug and said she wasn't sure yet. The more he brought it up, the more it hit her that she was actually going to be getting married and that was quite a scary thought.

"To be honest Amy, I haven't even thought about it yet." She said.

"Really?" Bernadette asked. "I was so excited when I got engaged that I had everything picked out in my head within the first few weeks!"

Penny looked down at her glass of wine and swirled it around, realizing that she really should be a lot more excited about this than she was. She could remember when Bernadette got engaged and how within the week she had them dress shopping, and looking through every wedding catalogue known to man. She wondered why she wasn't having the same excitement, but quickly put it down to the stress of moving him into her home, and hoped that that was the only reason, and that it had nothing to do with these feelings she had all of a sudden been having lately for Leonard.

"I guess it's still sinking in!" Penny said with a smile, knowing all too well that the problem was that it _had _sunk in. She had begun to realize the commitment she was making, and that she may not be able to handle it. She quickly downed the rest of her drink and stood up. She was done talking, she needed to let her hair down tonight and not think of anything but drinking and dancing. She reached her hands out to the girls that were still sitting on their stools, "Okay homegirls finish your drinks, mama wants to dance!"

* * *

The next day.

"Leonard." Sheldon sniffled. "I want soup."

"We don't have any soup." Leonard said through gritted teeth.

Sheldon had caught the latest bout of flu that had been making its way around the University and since Leonard hadn't managed to get out of the way of him in time, he was left to look after him. He was sitting in his spot, with an afghan over his head and body, even although the apartment was boiling hot, since he had insisted on turning up the thermostat because he was 'too cold'. A small part of Leonard felt bad for him, shivering under his comforter, but as soon as the man started to whinge, any feelings of sympathy were gone in a flash.

Leonard shuffled off his hoodie and jacket as he felt himself begin to sweat a little. "Sheldon we have to turn the thermostat down! It's like the freaking Sahara desert in here!"

"No Leonard! I'm cold!" He said with a shiver. "I want soup!"

Leonard threw his head back, "I told you we don't have any soup, you will have to have something else!"

Sheldon thought for a second, "Penny might have soup! Go ask Penny." He said stretching out his hand to point in the direction of her apartment.

"You are driving me crazy." Leonard sighed and hung his head in silence for a few minutes. He knew him well enough to know that he wasn't going to shut up until he got what he wanted. "Okay, I'll go over to Pennys and see if she has any soup, if you go into your room and try and sleep."

Sheldon looked at him for a moment and then said. "Okay." He got up off the sofa, taking the afghan with him and begun to head in the direction of his room.

Leonard opened the apartment door and went to head over to Pennys. "And turn that thermostat down!"

"NO!" Sheldon shouted as he headed into his bedroom.

Leonard put his hand to his forehead and shook his head, wondering why on earth he still lived with this crazy person. He continued to shake his head as he walked the few steps over to Pennys door and knocked loudly. He heard her move inside her apartment and stomp loudly over to the door. At that moment he knew she was pissed about something, and for a second considered just heading back into his own apartment to avoid the wrath of Penny.

The door flew open and Penny stood in front of him with a frown on her face. "What is it?" She growled.

He almost didn't want to tell her that the only reason he was over there was to see if she had soup for Sheldon, because he could almost picture her response. Something along the lines of 'just tell the crazy bastard to go to the store and get some!'

Before he could answer she scoffed and turned away from him, leaving the door wide open, which he guessed was a sign for him to come in. He cautiously stepped into the apartment and shut the door behind him, looking around for Brandon as he entered, hoping maybe he could shed some light on why Penny was so pissed off, but he didn't seem to be around.

"Where's Brandon?" He asked, then immediately regretted it when Penny turned and glared at him. "Sorry." He said quickly.

"We had a fight." She said as she slumped down on the couch.

Leonard wasn't sure what to do, so he just sat down on the other side of the couch. "Oh. Is everything okay?"

Penny shrugged. "I don't know. No, yeah. It's fine."

"What happened?" He asked quietly. She had calmed down a little, but she was still obviously annoyed about something.

Penny looked over at him and took a deep breath. It was the laundry room all over again. He was asking her questions and she really didn't want to answer them. It was her fault really, she had let him in and told him they were fighting, but that all seemed to happen on autopilot; she hadn't even realized she had done it. She had to tell him something. "It was stupid really." She said quietly, "He kept on pushing me to talk about stuff to do with the wedding and I sort of snapped."

"Why?" He asked a little confused. "I thought you wanted to marry him. You did agree to it you know?"

"Of course I know that!" She barked. "He just wants to get everything done right now! Like, he has only just settled into the apartment and now he wants to set a date for the wedding!" She stood up from the sofa and began to pace the apartment while she spoke, her voice getting louder and louder with each sentence. "I mean what's the rush! We only just got engaged! And I do want to marry him, I just don't want to do it right now! How hard is it to wait like a year, maybe two?!"

Leonard ignored the yells, knowing that they really weren't aimed at him. "He's probably just excited about it. You have just agreed to marry him of course he is going to be excited." He said, a lot sadder than he had meant to.

"Sorry." She said when he heard the sadness in his voice. She hadn't meant to yell at him, she just had a lot of built up anger that she had to get rid of. "I know he's just excited." She said with her voice lowered considerably from what it had been like a few moments ago. "I just hoped that we would have some time just being engaged before we got married. It kind of feels like it's all just happening at once and I don't really have any time to think through what is happening." She looked over to Leonard and he was just looking up at her, listening intently to what she had to say. All that look done was make her want to tell him more, to tell him about all her problems because she knew that he would make her feel better. "So we fought, and he stormed off to his friend's house to stay." She shook her head and shrugged, trying to forget the fight that had happened earlier and headed to the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine and two glasses. She hadn't even asked Leonard if he wanted a drink, but she wasn't going to drink alone so he was getting one.

Leonard sat in silence while Penny had spoken about Brandon. He couldn't help but feel bad for him, Penny could be such a confusing girl sometimes, one minute she would be fine and the next she would kick off about something. He could completely understand Brandons excitement about the wedding, he had to say he would probably be exactly the same if he had asked her to marry him and she had said yes. He thought about trying to explain that to her again, but decided against it, thinking it would probably just get her upset again. Instead he just sat in silence as she brought him over a glass of wine. He almost told her that he didn't want a drink, but he kind of needed it. He had his own stressful situation across the hall and he welcomed the chance to stay away from him for a while to have a drink with Penny.

"Anyway, enough of my problems." She said as she sat down on the sofa again and poured them each a glass of wine. "What did you come over here for?"

"Oh, um…" He actually didn't want to tell her, just in case she actually had some soup and just gave it to him and sent him on his way. He loved spending time with her like this, when it was just the two of them. It always reminded him of just how good friends they were. Even with all the crap they had been through together, all the fighting, and all the hurt, they had managed to keep their friendship and that was what he cherished most. They could talk to each other about anything at all; they really were like best friends. "Sheldon is sick." He finally said.

"Say no more!" She said waving her hand in front of him and giggled. "I understand!"

Leonard laughed along with her. "He really is crazy! He was sitting on the sofa with his comforter wrapped around him and the thermostat turned way up! He completely refused to let me turn it down! It's like a sauna in there!"

Penny laughed, and she realized then that he was only in his t-shirt. His usual hoodie and jacket was missing, obviously due to the heat in his apartment. For a moment her eyes began to wander over the muscles in his body that were usually hidden by that jacket, but was snapped out of it quickly when he spoke.

"Seriously Penny, I know you are finding it hard to deal with living with Brandon, but any time you start to feel stressed out, just think of me over there with that nutcase!" He said laughing and took a drink of his wine.

"You are so right!" She chuckled. "I don't know how you put up with him."

The two of them sat and talked as they polished off the rest of the bottle of wine, with Penny becoming gigglier after each glass.

"Let's play a drinking game!" Penny squealed as she took over the second bottle of wine from the kitchen.

"What kind of drinking game?" He asked sceptically. He had never actually played a drinking game before, which was surprising considering how long he had known Penny.

Penny seemed to go through a bunch of games in her mind, before finally deciding on one. "How about 'never ever have I ever'?"

Leonard scrunched his face up at her, completely dumbfounded at what she was talking about.

"Never played it?" She asked and he shook his head. "Okay," She began to pour two glasses of wine as she spoke. "I say something like, 'never ever have I ever… made out on a rollercoaster' and if you have done it you have to drink. Like this." She said as she took a swig of her wine. She looked at him and motioned to his glass. "You have to drink." She said quietly.

Leonard shook his head, "I've never made out on a roller-coaster."

"Oh… Really?" She said with surprise and he shook his head. "Okay then, now you go."

Leonard took his glass of wine and began thinking of his own statement. "Okay, never ever have I ever… burnt myself with a high powered laser." He giggled as he took a sip of his wine.

Penny looked at him with a frown. "Okay sweetie, you aren't getting this. You aren't just supposed to say stuff you have done, you need to say stuff you haven't done but think I have done… or stuff you want to know if I have done and I have to do the same to you. And unless you are playing it with your mother, it should be something a bit more personal! The winner is supposed to be the person who is least drunk at the end of it!"

"Okay, okay. Can I go again?" He asked excitedly and Penny nodded. "Never ever have I ever… had sex in a park."

"You see, now you're getting it!" She said as she took a swig of wine. "Never ever have I ever… slept with someone more than twice my age." She raised her eyebrow and giggled.

Leonard looked at her then hung his head in shame before taking a drink. They both continued like this for a while, each person saying something that they knew the other person had done and before they knew it the second bottle was gone and they were quite tipsy.

"Never ever have I ever… had sex at work!" Leonard said with a drunken giggle. He watched Penny as she shook her head and smiled.

"I haven't done that!" She said happily.

"Really? Wow, I finally found something you haven't done!" He laughed as Penny tried to glare at him, but ended up giggling instead.

"Well done Hofstadter." She said as she tipped her glass towards him.

"Okay your turn to think of one, I'm going to go to the bathroom while you think!" He said as he stood up from the sofa and headed to the bathroom.

Penny sat and thought for a few seconds, before realizing the bottle was almost empty and decided to get up to get another one. She walked past the coffee table, feeling a lot more stable on her feet than she had thought she would, but it didn't matter how steady on her feet she was, because she hadn't noticed the pair of shoes sitting at the side of the couch. She hit one with one of her feet, almost toppling over, and she would have, had Leonard not just been coming out of her room from the bathroom. He quickly jumped over to her when he saw her stumble and grabbed on to her before she fell.

"Careful!" He giggled. "I think this means I have won!" He said as she steadied herself.

She got her balance back quickly and they found themselves just standing there in front of each other, mere inches apart. His hands didn't remove themselves from her waist while hers were holding on to his shoulders, and all those things she had thought about that day in the laundry room came flooding back. Here he was in front of her, with that t-shirt on that she had pictured him in and all she wanted him to do was kiss her.

They stared at each other as they quickly sobered up. Neither of them said a word, they just looked at each other intently. Leonard wasn't sure what was happening, but he wasn't going to stop it. Penny reached her hand up and lightly touched his cheek with her thumb. She could hear his breathing begin to speed up and pushed herself closer to him, unable to fight the urge to kiss him any longer. She closed her eyes kissed his lips, and then slowly moved her lips to his neck as she slid her hands down his chest and over his arms. She felt his grip on her waist tighten and she moved her lips up to the spot just below his ear, knowing exactly the effect it would have on him from past experience, and this time was no different. She heard a low growl come from his throat and a quiet feeling of satisfaction flooded her veins.

"Penny…" He said in a whisper, with his eyes closed. "What are you doing?"

She continued to place soft kisses on his neck, "Do you want me to stop?" She asked simply as she grazed her tongue against his skin.

Leonard sighed. God knows he didn't want her to stop. Her silky smooth lips were on him and there was no way on earth he would want that to end, but this wasn't right. "No…" He managed to say, "But… I'm not the one with a fiancé."

Penny pulled her lips away from him and at that moment Leonard wished he had said nothing. She looked at him as he continued to hold onto her and she pushed her face up against his, rubbing her nose with his as they both closed their eyes and breathed heavily. Then quietly she said, "Leonard, listen to me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for the past few days. I have no idea why this is happening…" She slid her hands up to his hair and kissed him softly on the lips. "But I want you."

As soon as those lips touched his mouth, she had won. Maybe he would have been able to fight it more had he not had the few glasses of wine, but why should he fight it anyway? He wasn't in the wrong here. "I _need_ you Leonard." She whispered and he almost fell apart right there.

"This is wrong." He said quietly, and reluctantly. He felt like he should give it one more go, make her see that this wasn't right, but deep down he really didn't want her to. He wanted her to touch him, and kiss him, even if it was wrong.

To his relief, she didn't stop, she kept her lips glued to his as she moved her hands down his body until she reached the bottom of his t-shirt, at which point she moved them to his bare skin and worked her way back up. She smiled as she heard him moan into her mouth and pulled away. She looked deep into his eyes once more before moving her lips to his ear. "Leonard…" She whispered seductively, "Make love to me."


	4. Chapter 4

"So, what happens now?" Leonard asked softly as he stroked Pennys arm. He was sprawled across the sofa with Penny lying at his side, almost on top of him with her head resting at his neck, while her hand made patterns on his chest. Their clothes were scattered across the floor, leaving them with nothing on but their underwear.

Penny didn't know how to answer. She felt contented, happy in his arms, but she knew it couldn't last. She cared about Leonard, more than she had ever cared about anyone in her life, but she knew the two of them would never work out as a couple. She wasn't good enough for him. At some point, whether it is in a few weeks or a few months, she would hurt him again and not only could she not live with herself if she did, she was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to handle any more pain in his heart. She needed to be with someone like Brandon. He was stronger than Leonard. He hadn't been through what Leonard had in his lifetime and she knew that Brandon could take any hurt she might inflict on him, not that she wanted to hurt him.

Penny sighed as she stroked his chest. She needed to be with someone who would be able to handle her fiery, unpredictable personality with ease like Brandon, but that didn't change how hard it was to let Leonard go. "I don't know, Leonard…" She said quietly.

Leonard heard how hurt and confused she was, he really didn't know what this all meant, but he guessed that she must still have feelings for him. She wouldn't have done all of this if she hadn't, she wasn't overly drunk; she knew what she was doing. He had reminded her about Brandon when she began kissing him and she didn't stop, she didn't want to.

He still had feelings for her too, so much so that he considered asking her to break up with Brandon and stay with him, but he couldn't do that. Even if she did have some feelings for him, she had agreed to marry Brandon, so whatever feelings she may have for him, were probably outweighed by those for Brandon. What they had done was a mistake, an amazing one, but a mistake none-the-less.

He wanted to be with her, but more than that he wanted her to be happy, and Brandon made her happy. He was the kind of guy she should be with, and even although they were going through some problems at the moment, he knew it would probably pass.

So he savoured this moment as he held her to him, because he knew it would probably be the last time it would happen. He listened to her breathe as she continued to caress his chest and closed his eyes, trying to engrave every second of this in his memory. He made a note of her sweet smell, the softness of her skin and the feel of her heart beating against his.

Penny turned her head and looked up at him. She didn't want this moment to end but she knew it had to. Slowly, feelings of guilt were starting to creep into her skin and she knew she had to let him go. "Leonard, I care about you…" She said softly.

"I know…" He whispered back, he sensed there was a 'but' coming in her sentence, so he decided to say it before she had to. "But we shouldn't have done this."

"Yeah..." She said as she nodded her head a little.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know." She moved her head back to rest on his chest. She couldn't tell him. He would leave her, and she didn't want that. She was lucky enough to manage to find another good man, and she had promised herself she wouldn't let him go like she had Leonard. "Probably not." She eventually said. "I can't. I already know I shouldn't have done this, and it won't happen again." She pulled her head back up and reached her hand up to Leonards jaw and held it. "This was… incredible. It really was…" She leant over and placed her lips on his. "…One last moment of weakness," She said softly when they parted, "That's what this was," and she kissed him again, but longer this time, knowing it would probably be the last time she ever kissed him.

_One last moment of weakness._ It summed it up perfectly. They were pretty much magnetised towards each other, they had a passion for one another that had not been matched with anyone else, but as much as they cared about each other, as soon as they decided to become a couple, they messed it up. Now Penny had found someone that she could be with, that she wanted to marry and this, Leonard thought, was the perfect way to say goodbye to their own past. They let their passion for one another take over, one last time, before she moved on to a life with Brandon, and it was now time for him to do the same. He knew it would be hard, for a good part of his life he had never been able to imagine himself with anyone but her, but he knew now he had to.

They lay in one anothers arms, for a little while longer, in complete contented silence, until Leonard decided it was time for him to go. He would have happily laid there for the rest of the night, and he was sure Penny would be quite happy with that too, but he knew he had to leave at some point, and the longer he left it, the harder it would be.

"I should go." He said quietly, almost like he was afraid of the words.

Pennys heart sunk. She really wanted to tell him to stay. No matter how much she told herself that this was for the best, her body and her heart would say it wasn't. She had let her body and heart win earlier though, and now she had to listen to her head, no matter how much it hurt. She felt him kiss her hair and she squeezed him tightly as she fought back tears. "Okay." She said as she reluctantly moved off of him. She watched him as he walked around the apartment collecting his clothes, and gave Penny hers.

"So…" He said as he put on his pants, "Is this how all games of 'never ever have I ever' end? Because if so, I really have to start playing more often." He laughed as he grabbed his t-shirt and threw it on.

"No, I'm afraid it's not." Penny giggled as she put her own clothes back on. She was so glad he was being so normal, because it made the whole situation much easier for her to handle. She got off the sofa and walked him to the door when he had finished getting dressed. "I'll see you later, I guess." She said quietly and with a small smile.

Leonard grinned before he opened the door and said. "Yeah, I'll see you later." Then he found himself instinctively moving forward and gave her one lastkiss.

Penny almost held onto him when he kissed her, but she managed to stop herself and pull away. She gave him a smile, which he returned before turning and leaving her apartment.

Penny rested her head against the door for a second, wishing that he didn't have to go, but before long the reality of what just happened hit her. She decided she had to shower, to wash Leonard off her skin. She didn't want to, she would quite happily have gone to bed and let the smell of his cologne seep into her skin, but she couldn't. She had to think about Brandon, poor unsuspecting Brandon. He had left a while ago and said he was staying with his friend, but she couldn't be sure, for all she knew he could walk through that door any second.

She headed to her room, shed her body of her clothes once more and stepped into the shower. While she washed her body she thought more about Brandon. She wondered for a second if she should just tell him what had happened, unsure if she was going to be able to keep it from him, but she quickly decided against it as she had done earlier. He was so excited about their wedding, so in love with her and it would crush him if he knew she had cheated on him. A little voice told her she should have thought of that earlier, and she knew it was true, but still she couldn't tell him.

_One last moment of weakness. _That's what it was and that's what it would stay. He didn't need to know, because it wouldn't happen again. She wasn't sure why all of those intimate feelings for Leonard had come to the surface, the feelings that she hadn't felt for him in a long time, but she hoped now that she had given in to those feelings one last time, they would stop. She knew what she felt for Leonard would never completely go away, but she also knew they had to move on. It hurt, so bad, but she couldn't be selfish anymore. She couldn't have her cake and eat it too. Brandon didn't deserve to be treated like this, and neither did Leonard.

* * *

Penny returned home from working the early shift at The Cheesecake Factory the next day, with her guilt from what had happened the night before, still oozing throughout her body. She had thought that as time went on her guilt would subside, that it would ease off a little, but she was wrong. She still hadn't spoken to Brandon since their fight, and she was dreading the first time when she would see him, because she was sure that the guilt would just get worse.

She sighed as she slowly unlocked her door and stepped inside, gasping in shock when she saw Brandon sitting on the sofa.

"Hey." He said quietly with a hint of a smile.

"Brandon… I…" Penny felt sick to her stomach, how could she do this to him? She wanted to say something else to him but choked. What could she say? What _should_ she say? She didn't have a clue.

"Penny," He said interrupting her thought process. He stood up off the couch and walked towards her slowly. "I'm sorry for last night. I shouldn't have let our fight get so out of hand." He moved closer to her and held her hands, "I love you Penny, and I know you are starting to freak out a little about the wedding, so if you want to wait and stay engaged for a while, we can do that."

Penny felt her tears well up in her eyes. She had wished that he would be angry with her, that he would yell and tell her she was being unreasonable by not wanting to marry him right away, because she deserved it. She didn't want him to be nice to her, because that just made her guilt over what had happened the night before even stronger. She hung her head, resting her forehead against his chest. Why did she always do this? Why couldn't she just treat the men in her life the way they ought to be treated? "I'm so, so, sorry Brandon." She said with a crack in her voice. She looked up at him, and broke down in tears, unable to hold them inside any longer.

"Oh, honey." He said softly and wrapped him arms around her. "Don't cry. Everything's okay."

"No it's not." She sobbed. "I'm a horrible person, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone."

Brandon held her face, forcing her to look up at him, making her cry even harder. His face dripped with confusion and hurt. He had no idea what she was talking about, he didn't know how she had betrayed him and that that was what she was actually apologising to him for. "What are you talking about? You aren't a horrible person. It was just a little fight okay? Come here, stop being silly." He rubbed her back, pulled her close and she sobbed into his shoulder.

What was she doing? What had she become? She knew then that there was no way she could tell him what had happened with Leonard. She knew how it felt to be cheated on by someone she loved, and she couldn't inflict that pain on someone else. What had happened would stay a secret between her and Leonard, _one last moment of weakness_, that no-one else need know about.


	5. Chapter 5

It had just gone past seven in the morning, and Penny found herself in the bathroom, something that had become a regular occurrence over the past few weeks. She washed her face and then looked at herself in the mirror. She looked a mess, her hair was straggled and she was slightly pale. Keeping her secret from Brandon had begun to get the better of her, her guilt washing over her body so much that it made her physically sick. Her stomach was almost constantly knotted with worry. She couldn't escape what she had done, every time she saw Brandons face, first thing in the morning while he was laying peaceful and unaware of her betrayal, her stomach would churn with guilt, and she found herself, almost every morning, with her head in the toilet.

And then she would see Leonard. She couldn't avoid him he lived just across the hall from her, and she didn't want to avoid him. He was her closest friend, she couldn't imagine her life without him in it in some way. He was so important to her life, and yet now, every time she saw him she felt a horrible mix of remorse and shame. Every time they were in the same room together, she would see how hurt he was. It had been over a month since their special night together, but she could still see him hurting. He would try and hide it with his usual smile and silly jokes, but she could see it in his eyes, and it ate her up inside. This was all her fault, she had seduced him when she shouldn't have, without a thought to how this would make him or Brandon feel.

That guilt ate her up for weeks, getting worse as time went on, and she knew she had to do something about it. She couldn't live like this forever. She wanted to tell Brandon what she had done, and she had tried, but each time she would sit him down and begin the speech that she had prepared, the sickness would come back and she would run to the toilet. She tried her hardest to tell him, but she couldn't do it. She had been selfish before, but not anymore. She would sacrifice her own health, in order to stop herself from hurting Brandon with the news of her betrayal. And she would continue to be friends, and just friends with Leonard, because she knew he wanted her in his life, like she wanted him in hers, but she wouldn't cross that line with him again. She would stay in his life, but she would keep her distance and let him move on, because it was for the best. Leonard was a wonderful man and she knew he would find someone eventually, someone who deserved him, a good girl, who would treat him the way he deserved to be treated, and giving him a life with no more pain.

"Honey, are you okay?" Brandon asked, poking his head into the bathroom.

Penny sighed. _No I'm not okay. I'm a bitch that is hurting everyone that cares about me. _She should have had the courage to say it out loud. "Yeah, I'm fine." She said as she turned around, just about managing a smile. _Ugh. He is so sweet. Why does he have to be so sweet? _She put her hand to her head and gently massaged her aching temples.

"You don't look fine." He said with concern. "Maybe you should go to the doctor."

Penny looked up at him with a frown. "I don't need to go to the doctor." She said quietly. She knew what was wrong with her, she was sick with guilt. Her body was punishing her for the pain she was causing. "I just need to take some aspirin and I'll be fine."

"Penny, you have been sick for the past two weeks now. Please, go to the doctor, it could be nothing," He shrugged as he began to walk over to her. "But… it might be… you might be…" A smile began to curl on his face as he put his hands around her waist.

"Might be what?" She asked with confusion, unable to figure out what he might be talking about, and why he was grinning.

"You know," He said looking down at her stomach. "Pregnant."

Penny opened her mouth in shock, and then shook her head. "I'm not pregnant." She said as she put her hands against his chest, pushing him away from her and walking out of the bathroom.

"How do you know?" He said as he followed her. "You have all the signs. You are sick just about every morning, you have been complaining about a sore head for the past week, and last night you made me massage your back because it was sore." He held out his hand to grab hers as they entered the front room and she turned to look at him. "Look, it could be nothing, but don't you think you should find out for definite?"

Penny sighed and shook her head. How could she explain to him that her sickness and headaches were not from being pregnant, but because she had cheated on him and was wracked with guilt? That her back ached from working, not from carrying a baby. "Brandon, listen to me, I'm not pregnant okay? This is just… I dunno some sort of bug. I'll be fine in a few days." She gave him a quick kiss, and removed her hands from his and headed to the kitchen to grab some aspirin from the cupboard.

"You have been saying that for the past two weeks Penny, and it hasn't gone away."

Penny huffed loudly in frustration, he just wasn't letting this go and she was on the verge of snapping. "Brandon I'm on the pill, I can't be pregnant! You know that!"

"Yeah I know, that's why I didn't mention it for so long," He said, becoming a little more assertive. "The pill isn't one hundred per cent effective, sometimes it just happens. Look if you aren't going to go to the doctors, you need to take a test." Once again he moved over to her, placing his arms around her waist. "Please, do it for me."

Penny looked up into his shining hazel eyes and gave in. She knew he wasn't going to let it go, and she couldn't blame him, he was only worried about her. The least she could do was take the test, and prove to him that she wasn't pregnant after all she had done to him. She sighed and nodded, "Okay, I'll do it, if you promise you will stop nagging me!" She said with a smile.

Brandon smiled and nodded, "Promise!" He kissed her forehead and then turned and walked back into the bedroom.

Penny kept her eyes on him as he walked away, wondering what on earth she had done to deserve the wonderful people that had come into her life.

* * *

Sheldon and Leonard were rushing about their apartment, trying to quickly get ready for work. They had both stayed up late last night on a Grand Theft Auto marathon, and that had caused them both to sleep through their alarm clocks, something which rarely happened.

"Leonard quickly come on! We only have sixteen minutes to get to work!" Sheldon shouted as he put his laptop bag over his shoulder.

"I know, I know. I'm coming!" Leonard replied as he walked down the hallway from his bedroom, hurriedly putting on his hoodie and jacket.

"Here's your bag." Sheldon said as he handed him his laptop bag.

"Thanks," He said as he took it from him and then grabbed his keys and phone. "Okay you got everything?" He asked, slightly out of breath.

Sheldon nodded quickly and they both left their apartment.

"Oh, hey guys." Penny said as she shut her apartment door and looked at her watch. She was dressed in her Cheesecake Factory uniform and about to head to work, still looking a little rough and slightly pale. "You are leaving a bit late are you not?"

Sheldon turned and glared at her as Leonard locked the door. "Yes. We slept in." Sheldon said.

"Really? You guys never sleep in!" Penny said with her mouth wide with shock.

"Well, we had a late night jacking cars and killing gangsters, homie." Leonard said in his best gangster voice.

Penny looked at him in confusion for a second and then said, "Grand Theft Auto?"

Leonard smiled, nodded and then held his hand up, making a 'W' sign with his fingers. "Word."

Sheldon nodded and took a second to make his own fingers make the same shape, "Word. Now let's go!"

Penny giggled and they all began to walk down the stairs together.

"So how have you been Penny?" Leonard asked casually. He was beginning to become better at being around her without feeling that aching feeling in his chest. Maybe he was moving on, or maybe he had felt it for so long he was becoming numb to it, either way, he couldn't feel it anymore and he was relieved.

For the first couple of weeks after he and Penny had made love, he found himself feeling more lost than he had done in a while. It hurt him so bad to see her with Brandon so quickly after the two of them had given themselves to each other so passionately. He had to act like it had never happened, and it was painful, but he saw that pain in Penny too. He saw how sad her eyes were when she and Brandon were in his apartment and he would hold her, or kiss her. He saw the guilt eating her up inside. No-one else saw it, he was sure of that because no-one ever mentioned it, but he could see it. He saw that smile that would quickly fade, and that reluctance to let Brandon hold her in the way he usually would. So Leonard tried his hardest to ease her pain, by hiding his own. He tried to show her that everything was okay between them and that it would never change, by being the same person he was before he had known about her engagement. He laughed and joked, treating her the same as he did the rest of his friends, because she was his friend, his best friend.

"I'm good." She said quietly.

Leonard looked over at her with a frown as they walked down the stairs. "Are you sure? You don't sound okay."

Penny sighed and looked over at him. "I'm fine. I've just got a bit of a headache and a sickness bug that's all." She had to tell him something, he wouldn't leave her alone if she didn't. She turned and saw Leonard look at her with such concern, much like Brandon had earlier this morning. She rolled her eyes at him and said, "I'm going to the doctor okay!"

Leonard looked at her and smiled, "Okay good."

"You're sick?!" Sheldon said as he stopped on the stair.

"No… Well maybe." She replied. Sheldon looked on at her in horror, like she had just told him she had a bomb on her.

"Is it contagious? Stay there." He said, not waiting on an answer to his question. He braced his back against the wall furthest away from her, holding a hand over his mouth and walked sideways down the steps. As soon as he was a few steps away from her, he moved himself from the wall and ran down the rest of the steps.

Penny and Leonard both watched him in complete bewilderment. "That guy needs help." Penny said as she shook her head.

Leonard nodded and held his hand up in a 'W' like he had done earlier, "Word!"

Penny couldn't help but laugh, he really was such a nerd, but an incredibly funny one.

"So when's your appointment?" Leonard asked as the two of them began to walk down the stairs again.

"Huh?" She asked with raised eyebrow.

"The doctors?"

"Oh, um… I haven't made it yet." She said quietly. She turned to him and he tilted his head at her. "But I'm going to! God what is it with everyone today!"

Leonard chuckled, "Okay, well just make sure you do." They reached the bottom of the apartment building and began to walk outside to their cars. "Time to take this crazy man to work!" He said as he spotted Sheldon standing at the car, pacing around impatiently. He turned to Penny and held up his fingers in a peace sign. "Peace out!"

"God, one night of playing Grand Theft Auto and you think you are some sort of hip hop star!" Penny giggled, "See you later."

Leonard smiled and began to walk over to his car. "Bye, and remember to make that appointment!"


	6. Chapter 6

As Penny drove to work, she thought about what Brandon had said this morning. She had felt so sure, so confident that there was no way she could be pregnant, yet now as she sat alone in her car with nothing but her thoughts to keep her occupied, her confidence waivered. She found herself thinking about all the times when she had forgotten to take her contraceptive pill in the morning like she usually would, and would take it later on in the day instead, thinking it wouldn't make much difference. And then there were the days where she had completely forgotten to take it at all, there had been a few of them too. If she was pregnant, then she was sure it would have happened during one of those times. But there was no point in wasting her time thinking about those kinds of things, because she wasn't pregnant she was just stressed, overworked and guilt ridden.

She continued to tell herself that, almost all the way to work, until she spotted a pharmacy while she was stopped at a set of traffic lights. She sat at the lights, tapping her finger on the steering wheel as she went back and forth in her mind about whether to go in and buy a test or not. On one hand, she had promised Brandon she would do it, but on the other hand, she told herself there was no point, because she was certain she wasn't pregnant. She glanced at her watch, it was ten to nine. She reasoned that she couldn't go get a test or else she would be late for work, but then again, when did she ever care about being late for work.

Penny threw her head back against the headrest and made a loud growling noise of frustration. The truth was she was scared, she didn't want to go get a test, because she was afraid that it would tell her what she desperately didn't want it to. She had taken enough big steps in her life over these past weeks. Agreeing to marry Brandon, and then moving him in to her home were two huge forms of commitment she had taken in her life and now she could be faced with the biggest commitment ever, having a child. Penny leant her head forward and began to slowly bang it against the wheel, while she thought through what to do in her head.

Then suddenly there was a loud noise of someone's car horn, and then another and Penny realized she had been sitting at the lights after they had turned green. _Shit! _She thought as she quickly put her car into gear and headed off. She stared at the pharmacy as she drove closer to it and after going back and forth in her head again, she decided she had to go in, or else it would drive her crazy for the rest of the day.

She drove in to the car park just outside the store and parked her car in the first spot she found. She continued to go through the reasons why she should and shouldn't get a test all the way up to the door.

As soon as she stepped inside the store, her stomach began to knot with nerves and she honestly thought she might be sick on the shop floor. She took a few deep breaths and slowly began to walk around, telling herself she was looking for the test, but in reality she was just wandering, still unsure of whether she was even going to buy one or not. She was brought out of her zombie like trance when one of the pharmacists came over to her. She was a middle aged woman probably around her early fifties, and she looked like she was having just as bad of a day as Penny was.

"Excuse me miss, can I help you?" The woman said with a huge smile that was obviously forced.

"Um… No thanks. I'm just looking." Penny said, wishing the woman would leave her alone.

"For anything in particular?" She persisted.

Penny sighed and put her hand to her temple to massage her sore head, before nodding. "Yeah, um… do you have any pregnancy tests?" She asked quietly.

Penny could have sworn she saw a brief look of something resembling disgust on that womans face, but she knew she wasn't in the best frame of mind and could be imagining it. Either way, her expression changed when she spotted the ring on Pennys finger. Penny decided at that moment that she didn't like this woman at all.

"Oh, okay." She said with that fake smile. "Just this way."

Penny followed the pharmacist and eventually she stopped and pointed at one of the shelves. "Just there miss, let me know if you need anything else." She said before giving her another 'smile' and walking away.

Penny watched the abrupt and rather rude pharmacist leave and then turned and stared at the line of pregnancy test sitting on the shelf. There were so many choices, so many different brands, and she had no idea which one to get. She closed her eyes and reached her hand out grabbing the first one it came to, and took it to the checkout. She put the little box on the desk, noticing as she did it that her hands were shaking. She quickly moved her hand away, hoping that the clerk wouldn't notice her nerves.

As soon as she had paid for her purchase, she swiftly turned and headed for her car, ready to forget about what she had bought for the moment and focus on getting to work.

When she arrived at The Cheesecake Factory, she put her test in her purse and quickly headed into work, realizing that she was fifteen minutes late. She said a brief 'sorry I'm late' to her boss, put her stuff in her locker and headed out to serve breakfast to the hungry diners.

She went about her work as she usually did, but this time she was worse at it than she usually was. She messed up orders, took food to the wrong tables and even gave people the wrong change from their bill. Her mind was much less focused on her job than it usually was, and it was all because of that test sitting patiently, waiting for her in her purse.

"Penny, are you okay?" Her boss asked as she stood in the kitchen, waiting for one of her orders to be ready. "You seem distracted… More than you usually are."

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said, not even trying with either her words or tone of voice to convince him otherwise.

"Maybe you should go for a quick break. Take some time out and come back fresh." He said.

Penny smiled a little. She had always liked her boss, he was very pleasant and easy-going, well he had to be to put up with having her as an employee, but this time, for the first time ever, she wished he would just tell her to stop hanging around and get on with her work. She needed to keep moving. She needed something to focus her mind on, even if it wasn't really focusing. She needed to continue with these menial tasks, because if she stopped and went into the back room for a break, there was only one thing waiting for her.

"I'm okay, really." She said with a smile, and took two plates that the chef had just put up on the hot plate for her.

"Penny, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. You are no good to me here like this, go in the back, have something to eat and come back when you are ready." Penny just looked at him, unwilling to go. "Now. Go" He said shooing her off and taking the plates from her hands.

Penny gave in, she had no choice, he was her boss after all. She nodded and smiled at him and then made her way into the employees canteen. The room was fairly small; all that was in it were a few steel lockers, a small counter with a sink, a kettle, and a microwave, and a small round table with four chairs sitting around it.

As soon as Penny entered the room she sat down on one of the chairs, put her arms on the table and lay her head, face down on top of them. She turned her head slightly, and stared at her locker. She knew what she should do. She knew that she should take that little plastic stick out of its box and get this whole ordeal over with, but she was scared. Nerves ate at her stomach in a way she had never experienced before. She was terrified, and exhausted, on the verge of tears, and yet furious for putting herself through this hell. How hard was it really? All she had to do was go into the bathroom and pee on a stick, yet she felt like she was just about to dive into a sea of sharks, with nothing to protect herself from the pain that could be about to occur.

After a few minutes of pondering, she thumped her hand down on the table and sat up. _This is stupid. _She told herself. _Just get this over with Penny, let that stick tell you what you already know so you can get back to normal._ She headed towards her locker with newfound determination. She knew she wasn't pregnant, so there was no reason to be scared, no reason to be nervous or agitated. All she had to do was go to the bathroom and wait a few minutes and this would all be over.

She unlocked her locker, took the box from her purse and headed to the bathroom next door. As soon as the door was shut and locked behind her, she ripped open the box, glanced over the instructions and done as they asked.

As soon as she done her business, Penny set the timer on her phone. _Two minutes._ It was all the time the stick needed to figure out her fate. Penny put it on a small table beside her, put the toilet lid down and sat back on it. She grabbed the stick, turned it around so she couldn't see the front, and held it in front of her. She glanced at her phone. _One minute, forty-five seconds. _She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, as her head filled with voices. _Not pregnant. Not pregnant. _One loud voice shouted, while another quieter one whispered, _but what if I am? _She tried not to give that one any space in her mind but it persisted. _That will be it, life as I know it, gone. No more drink fuelled weekends, no more days off when I can lie around my apartment and do nothing. And Leonard… How am I going to tell Leonard I'm pregnant? Not like I told him I was engaged anyway. I'll need to tell him in private… Oh, God that's going to be so hard... And then I'll have to move. I couldn't bring up someone else's baby right under his nose. I couldn't do that to him. Plus that apartment isn't big enough for a baby… But I don't want to move. I want to live there, across the hall from my best friend, my confidante, my… my Leonard. I can't imagine living anywhere else. _Penny took a deep, shaky breath, opened her eyes and looked at her phone. _Thirty seconds. _She closed her eyes again as her heart began to thump against her chest._ Almost there. Not pregnant. Not pregnant. Why am I even bothering with this? I know why I was being sick, and it's not because of a baby. It's because I'm a cheat. A guilt ridden cheat. _Penny hung her head with her eyes still tightly closed, as tears began to form around her eyelashes. _I can't do this anymore. If all this sickness isn't because I'm pregnant, and is because of my guilt, then it's not going to stop. Brandon is going to worry about me. He's going to wonder what's been making me so ill and what am I going to tell him? Another lie? I can't do that. Not anymore. I need to tell him what I done. I can't live with this pain and hurt anymore. He doesn't deserve this, no-one does. But if I am pregnant, am I going to dismiss the fact I cheated on him altogether? Surely I should still tell him about what happened with Leonard, if for nothing more than to ease my conscience. But if I did, he would leave, and I would be left alone with a little baby to care for, a little baby that deserves the chance to have its two parents together. No, the only way I will tell him, is if I'm not pregnant, because there is nothing for him to lose in that case except from me. He can move on, and find someone else to love, without having the burden of a child._

Penny opened her eyes, letting those tears that were hanging fall. She looked at her phone. _Zero, Zero, Zero, Zero. _It was time. The plastic stick was ready to tell her the news, which either way was going to change her life dramatically. By the end of today, she was either going to be telling Brandon she was having his baby, or telling him about her one night of weakness with Leonard. She wasn't even sure what she would prefer.

She stared at the back of that stick for a few more seconds, absolutely terrified of seeing what was on the other side. _Pregnant? Or not pregnant? _She said to herself as she slowly spun the stick around. _Baby? Or no baby? _She looked at the small screen through a thick wall of tears, and there it was. The answer to her question. Her life, altered dramatically, never to be the same again.


	7. Chapter 7

Penny was sat on her sofa, still in her uniform, staring intently at the row of pregnancy tests sitting on her coffee table. She was stunned by the sight in front of her, unable to move, speak, and barely even able to think. She wasn't sure how long she had sat there, could be minutes, could be hours. Time seemed to have stopped as she sat there, glued to her sofa.

She could remember very little of what had happened after she had looked at that stick. She had a vision of telling her boss she had to leave work early, and a slither of a memory of going back into the pharmacy and buying all these tests. One of each brand, because she was sure there must have been something wrong with the one she had taken.

But no, there was nothing wrong with that test, and there was nothing wrong with these ones either. She knew that, despite a hopeful little voice that toyed with the idea that she had somehow managed to pee on the stick wrong, but really, how many ways were there to do that?

She knew she had done everything right, it was just hard to accept. She looked at each one of the sticks sitting in front of her, five in total, each telling her in their own unique way that she was screwed. One of them told her with a tick, another with a plus sign. One told her with a novelty smiley face, which she thought was a bit inappropriate considering this wasn't exactly a situation that warranted a little happy face. Another one told her with one shining blue line and the last one told her quite simply, 'pregnant'. That last one was the one that got to her. It was the only one that spelled it out for her. The others she could easily manipulate to mean what she wanted it to mean, but that one word 'pregnant' took away any doubt.

Penny wasn't sure what to do next. She knew what she _should_ do. She should call Brandon, tell him the news. She should get out of her uniform and wash up. She should eat something. Her stomach was growling at her, and those tests shouted at her that she had a little baby to think about now, so she should eat. But she couldn't move. To say she was shell-shocked would be an understatement. To say she was terrified, wouldn't be enough to describe how she felt. She was frozen in that spot, scared and alone. Well no, not alone. There was a little thing growing inside of her, ensuring that for the next nine months, she wouldn't be alone again.

She glanced at the clock on the wall for the first time that day. _2:30__. _She frowned and looked at her phone which shook in her hand, _2:31. _She stared at the shaking screen, still not quite believing that that was the time. She got lost in her mind, trying to figure out where the time had went. She had left work at around eleven after taking the first test, and then she had bought more at the store and came home. She figured she must have gotten home at about half eleven, so that left about three hours unaccounted for. Three hours that she had wasted sitting on that sofa staring at those damn tests.

Penny closed her eyes and took in a long, shaky breath and then let it out again. She had to get a grip, there was nothing she could do to change what has happened so there was no point in her sitting here all day. She knew that and yet she still sat there, certain that even if she tried to move, her legs wouldn't be able to carry her. She put her head in her shaking hands, as a few tears began to trickle down her cheek. She knew she had said earlier that if she was pregnant she was going to stick it out with Brandon, telling herself her child would deserve a loving, happy family. But she wondered now as she was forced to face the fact that she was carrying his baby, if she even loved him at all. She cared about Brandon, to say she didn't would be a complete slap in the face to the time they had spent together. And she was sure that at some point during their relationship, she did love him, but now, she just wasn't sure. Having a child with someone was the epitome of love. It was something that would bind you and your other half forever, so surely if she was in love with Brandon, she should be happy. She should be excited at the prospect of having something that was half of her and half of him, and yet, the only thing that went through her mind right now was Leonard, and how she was going to tell him about this.

It was going to be a torturous conversation, once again she would be breaking his heart and she knew it. Things had been going so well between them, and now she was going to ruin it all. Somehow, over these past few weeks, each of them had managed to let their night together slip into the back of their minds. They had managed to move on from it, and even although they still found themselves hurting for what they wanted but couldn't have, they had both managed to hide it, in order to stop the other from hurting even more.

Suddenly, as her mind wandered over her thoughts of Leonard, something deep in the back of her conscious panicked. Her heart began to race and her stomach fell as she comprehended what she had only just realized. She had slept with Leonard only roughly a month ago, and so, depending on how far along she was, Leonard could be the father to her baby.

And then, just as her whole body was about to panic her door opened, causing her insides to jump and that thought to float out of her mind, for now. She looked up and her teary eyes, met Brandons cheerful gaze.

"Hey, what's going on?" He asked as soon as he noticed her hurt expression.

Penny couldn't speak. She tried, but nothing more than a croak left her mouth. It took everything she had not to let all of her built up tears fall. She released her eyes from his gaze, and looked straight ahead of her, at her little line of white sticks. Brandon followed her gaze and came to sit beside her. He picked up each test, one by one, and Penny watched his expression turn from confusion, to sheer joy. Brandon tore his eyes away from the stick he was holding, and looked over at her. Penny noticed that his eyes were now filling with tears too, but for a completely different reason to hers.

"Oh my God, Penny." He said in a crackled whisper. "You're pregnant."

Penny still couldn't find her words, she just sniffled and nodded. He smiled a big, bright, joyful smile. One that lit up his face and made Penny's heart melt. She smiled back at him, not wanting to ruin his happy moment, or make that smile leave his face. Brandon put the test back on the table, put his hand to her face and pulled her in for a kiss. Penny closed her eyes and for a happy, quiet few moments she let herself kiss him back. She allowed herself some time to forget about the thoughts that had come into her mind earlier, and she let herself pretend for those few moments that she was as madly in love with him as he was with her. But as soon as those few moments were over, and he pulled back to look into her eyes, once again, she felt a punch to her heart, a sting of guilt that she knew all too well.

"I love you Penny." He said as he pushed her hair out of her face. Penny closed her eyes and leant into his touch.

"I love you too." She said quietly. Did she mean it? She didn't know. She felt something for him, that was certain, but was it love? It could be. She wanted it to be. Things would be so much easier for the both of them if she was. But did it matter really? Even if she wasn't in love with him, she could be carrying his child. They could be stuck together forever, whether she liked it or not.

"Are you okay Penny? You don't seem very excited?" Brandon asked softly.

Penny held his gaze for a moment, trying to think of something to tell him, but her body was exhausted, too tired to even think up and excuse for her sad state. "I'm hungry." She said.

Brandon looked at her with a little confusion, before snapping into gear. "I'll make you some food." He got up off the sofa and begun to head to the kitchen, "Then we should call the doctors, and get you an appointment."

Penny nodded her agreement, lay down on the sofa and closed her eyes, letting herself give in to her exhaustion of the day and finally rest.


	8. Chapter 8

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Brandon asked, popping his head into the bedroom.

"No sweetie. The doctor said on the phone this appointment is just to confirm the pregnancy and ask some health questions. It's just boring stuff really, you may as well go to work." Penny replied as she put the last of her things into her purse.

It had been two days since she had found out she was pregnant, and still only her and Brandon knew. She tried to be excited, just like Brandon was, so that he wouldn't suspect anything was wrong, and she succeeded. Her acting experience helped her deceive her fiancé, making him think that nothing was wrong, and she hated it.

"Okay." He said, walking into the bedroom. "Call me as soon as you are out and let me know everything." He stood in front of her and gave her a kiss.

"I will." She said with a smile as soon as he pulled away and began to head back out of the room. "Have fun at work."

"I will!" Brandon turned in the doorway and beamed, "You have fun at the doctors!"

Penny grinned and sat down on the bed, letting out an exhausted sigh once he was gone. She was finally able to let her guard down and her fears show through. Today was such a huge day. The appointment with the doctor was, as she had said, just a simple visit for the doctor to find out any major health issues she, or her family may have that could affect her pregnancy. But there was one, massive thing she was going to find out today, and that was how far along she was in her pregnancy. Today the doctor could very well be setting alight her fears that Leonard could be as much to blame for the child growing inside of her, as her fiancé was.

She had taken the time to figure out how long ago it was that she and Leonard had slept together and it hadn't taken long. She remembered it was the day after her night out with the girls, which she had pictures of on her phone. She was easily able to find out the date from that and had come to the conclusion that her dalliance with Leonard was just over five weeks ago. Five weeks and five days ago, to be exact. All the doctor had to say was that she had either been pregnant for a lot longer, or a lot less time than that. That was all they had to say.

Penny took a few long, deep, soothing breaths, before getting up off her bed, grabbing her jacket and leaving her apartment. Anxious, scared, but ready to hear what the doctor had to say.

She arrived at the doctors office, ten minutes early. It was quite possibly the first time she had been early for anything in her life. She sat down in one of the empty seats in the waiting area, amongst all the other patients in the room and she found herself glancing over all of the different types of people there and wondering what had brought them here on the same day as her. There were some older men and women, one of them was coughing on occasion and another was sitting, quite happily, reading a book. There were a few people, not much older than her, dotted around. Some with fairly obvious ailments like broken bones, and others weren't so obvious. There was a woman in the corner, who was in the same situation as Penny, but much further along in the process, gently carressing the bump sticking far out ahead of her. Beside her there was a lady with a small child, who was sitting on the floor playing with his toy cars, and straight ahead of her, was another woman, one who looked a little younger than Penny, with a new born baby in her arms. She was staring down at her baby, with a look filled with so much love and adoration. That woman didn't take her eyes off her baby, and Penny couldn't keep her eyes off of her.

Penny found herself, slowly and instinctively, moving her hand to rest upon her stomach. It hadn't changed, not in the slightest, and yet it felt different, _she _felt different. Suddenly she was filled with such a full, unexplainable love, for the living thing inside of her, and for that moment nothing else mattered. For that moment she didn't care about the mess she had made around her, she didn't care that she wasn't sure who had given this little, growing baby to her, because it was hers, no matter what. In that moment, for the first time since she found out she was pregnant, she found herself feeling happy, excited even at the prospect of having what that woman across from her had. A little life that needed her, depended on her, and loved her completely without question or reason. A little baby that she would love, whole-heartedly and unconditionally, for the rest of her life.

Pennys name and the room number she was to go to, was then shouted over the intercom, snapping her out of her daydream. Penny tore her eyes away from the young woman, picked up her purse and found her way to her doctors room.

Once she found the correct door number, she knocked and cautiously entered the room. Her eyes met a woman, seemingly around her late thirties or early forties, with raven hair and sharp, pale blue eyes.

She looked up at Penny and smiled, "Hello, um…" She glanced down at a piece of paper in front of her and then back up at Penny. "Penelope. Please, take a seat." She put her hand out, motioning to the seat at the other side of her desk and smiled.

Penny, for some reason, felt immediately relaxed. The woman had a wonderfully warm quality that seemed to just ooze out of her. "Thank you." Penny said with a smile as she sat down. "But please, call me Penny. Everyone calls me Penny."

"Alright, Penny. I'm formally Dr Hunt, but from what I see from my notes, we could be seeing a lot of each other over the coming months, so you can call me Jordan." Jordan grinned widely at Penny as she moved some papers around on her desk.

After the pleasantries, Dr Hunt got to work, she took Pennys blood pressure, her height, and weighed her, all the while asking her various questions about her medical and family history, all the stuff she had been told they would discuss. Penny had thought it would be quite gruelling and tedious, but in reality the whole process didn't seem to take long, but Penny figured that probably had a lot to do with how calming and friendly her doctor was.

"Alright, Penny I think we are just about done here." Jordan said as she began reading through her notes on her desk. "I'll book you in for your next appointment in a weeks time, where we will do an ultrasound so you can have a little look at your baby." She looked up and grinned at Penny, "That will let us know that everything is going on okay in there, and also give us a better idea of how far along in your pregnancy you are and your due date." Penny sat on the other side of the desk, listening intently to every single word her doctor was saying. Her heart was beginning to beat a little faster knowing that she was about to tell her what she had been waiting to hear. "But with what I have learned from you today, I would make an educated guess that you are around six weeks gone, give or take a week maybe. But like I said we will get a better idea from your scan."

Penny smiled back at the doctor, but inside she was far from happy. She had pretty much expected that the doctor would say that, but she had hoped she wouldn't. Everything in her life was already too complicated, all she had wanted was for this part to be simple. For there to be no doubt, no uncertainty and no more guilt, but that wasn't the way her life had gone in the past, and it wasn't the way it was going now. There had been very few things in her life that were easy, and having her little baby was now destined to be another one of those things that complicated everything. If only she had been more careful, if only she had managed to control her urges, then she would know, without a shadow of a doubt, who had given her the precious gift growing inside of her. But she wasn't careful, and she couldn't control herself, so she was going to have to spend the rest of her pregnancy, doubtful and unknowing. There was two men, that were going to be hurt, two good men, that deserved to have the chance to enjoy their own first pregnancy, but weren't going to get the chance too, because neither of them will know for certain if her baby was theirs.

The happiness Penny had felt earlier had faded with those two words. _Six weeks. _Six weeks ago, one of those two men had helped her make this little baby, and she hadn't even known it. For six weeks her child had been living, and growing, and she had no idea it was there, or even slightly suspected its existence.

The rest of her time in the doctors office became very much a blur after she had spoken those words to her. _Six weeks._ The doctor may not have been completely sure, but Penny was. Something, deep in her gut told her she was right, and Penny now had to face up to the fact that she had to tell Leonard. She couldn't keep this from him any longer, he deserved to know, and he had a right to know that she could, quite possibly, be carrying his baby.


	9. Chapter 9

Penny made her way up the flights of stairs to her apartment as slowly as possible. She had already called Brandon, like she had said she would, and told him everything that had happened at the doctors office. And now, she was facing the one thing she had been dreading ever since she had found out she was pregnant, telling Leonard. She had decided that she was going to do it as soon as she got home. She was going to knock on his door, before she even stepped foot in her own, and before she lost her nerve. She had so many visions in her head, so many different ways that he could take the news, and each one terrified her beyond belief. Of all the ways she had ever imagined this happening to her, she never thought it would happen in these circumstances. She never thought that she and her baby would be stuck between two men.

Eventually she reached the fourth floor and stood in front of Leonards door. All her emotions began to boil up as she anticipated the conversation that was about to occur. She felt herself begin to shake nervously, while her stomach churned. She put her hand over her stomach and gently patted it as a few tears came to her eyes. _Here we go._ She said to herself, and her baby, as she blinked away those teardrops and took a few long, deep breaths.

She knocked lightly on the door and stepped inside his apartment. He was sitting with Howard, Raj and Sheldon, and they were all engrossed in some game, she couldn't even be bothered to look and see which one it was.

"Hey, Penny." Leonard said without looking away from the screen. The rest of the guys then said the same, but just like Leonard they didn't look up. If they had, they would have noticed Pennys pained expression and the redness in her eyes.

"Leonard, can I talk to you?" She said quietly, but he still didn't look up. He, and the rest of them, had their hands out in front of them, pressing down hard on their controllers all the while screaming out all sorts of things at each other and the television.

"Um… Uh… Yeah… What's up?" Leonard said, taking quick glances over at her.

"In private."

"Okay, um... Just let me... Finish this." He said as he got more and more engrossed in the game.

Penny thought about telling him that what she had to say was more important than playing some stupid game. It was on the tip of her tongue to sternly demand that he come into her apartment now so she could talk to him, but then she saw how carefree he was. She saw how innocent and almost childlike he was, sitting with his friends playing his game and she couldn't bring herself to do it. What she had to tell him was probably going to shatter his world, tear his heart up and change his life forever, so she let him have these last few minutes. She let him play his game happily with his friends, giving him just a few more moments of blissful ignorance. It was the least she could do after all the pain she had caused him.

"Okay, just come over to mine when you are finished." She said quietly as she walked back out of that door and into her apartment.

"What was that about?" Howard asked when Penny had left the room, still with his eyes on the screen.

"No idea." Leonard replied before slamming down on his controller and then jumping up. "YES! I WIN!"

The rest of the guys then threw down their controllers and immediately began complaining at how he must have cheated. Leonard ignored their protests and headed straight over to Pennys.

Penny was pacing her apartment, unable to sit down due to the nerves pumping through her body. She tried to think of the best way to tell him, whether she should hint at it and let him get to it on his own, or if she should just blurt it out. And then she heard his apartment door open and shut. She faced her door and waited patiently for him to enter.

Leonard knocked on Pennys door once, and entered, without waiting on her to reply to his knock. As soon as he saw her he knew something was wrong. He saw what he had failed to notice earlier. He saw her red eyes that looked full of pain and he saw her sad, hurt expression and he immediately became panicked with worry.

"Penny? What's wrong?" He asked as he stepped towards her.

"I think you should sit down." Penny said quietly, motioning to the couch.

Leonard looked at her in confusion, as he became more worried for her. He sat down on the couch, like she had asked and looked up at her, waiting for her to tell him what was making her so upset.

She took a few deep breaths, trying to give herself a few more seconds to think of the best way to begin. "I… Uh… Um…" She began to pace the floor again.

"Penny, you are freaking me out, tell me what's wrong." Leonard pleaded.

Penny sighed and stopped pacing. She looked into his worried eyes and then looked down. "Remember, how the other day… I said I wasn't feeling well, and had to go to the doctor?"

Leonard immediately remembered the conversation, and began to fear the worst. Horrible thoughts of Penny being seriously ill began to flood his mind and he panicked. "Oh my God, are you okay? Are you sick?"

"What?" Penny said slightly bemused and then upon noticing his panic, she sat down beside him. "No, no no. I'm fine. Well, sort of."

Leonard took his inhaler out from his pocket and took a few breaths from it, his heart still racing from his earlier panic. "Oh, okay. What happened then?"

Penny waited a few moments, for him to calm down a little, before putting a hand to his arm and taking a few more deep breaths. "Leonard, I'm pregnant."

Leonard frowned while his heart and stomach sunk. "What?" He said sadly. "You are pregnant?" She nodded and he leant back in the sofa. "Oh…" He couldn't quite believe it. First, she was engaged, and now, she was pregnant. She had made herself a happy little family, just like he had always wanted to have with her. But as he looked at her, he didn't see happiness. She seemed worried, scared and upset, and at first he couldn't understand why. At first he thought, _why isn't she happy? She has a wonderful fiancé who loves her and she loves back. They were going to have a baby together, so why isn't she telling me this news with the same enthusiasm she had had when she told us she was engaged. _But then he remembered their night. He remembered their 'one moment of weakness' and it all clicked. "Is it… Is it… mine?" He asked timidly.

Penny felt the tears well up in her eyes and she turned away, unable to look at him without those tears finding their way out. She got up off the sofa and stood at the kitchen counter, still turned away from him.

"Penny!" He said as he stood up. She didn't answer him and he began to become anxious, "Penny, answer me! Is it mine?" Penny still didn't turn around, so he walked the few feet between them and put a hand to her arm to pull her around. As soon as she was spun around, their eyes locked and as he saw the few tears fall from her eyes, he had his answer.

"I don't know." She croaked quietly.

Leonard let go of her arm, and stepped back. Penny didn't know, and there was no way she could, not until the baby was born anyway. He was going to have to spend the whole time she was pregnant unsure if he was a father or not. "Oh, my God." He whispered as he sat on the armrest of the sofa. Suddenly his head blanked. He was stunned by what she had just told him, completely and utterly bewildered. Penny was pregnant, with a baby that could be his. It was like his most pleasant dream, mixed with his worst nightmare, and he was living it. He couldn't count the amount of times he had dreamed that Penny would one day carry his baby, and now there was a chance she was, but there was also a chance it was someone else's, and he couldn't bear that thought. He could deal with Penny being in a relationship with someone else, and just about handle the fact she was getting married, but the thought of her having a baby with someone else made his heart hurt worse than he had ever felt it hurt before. _How did this happen? How could she do this to me? _His heart began to race, and then he looked up at her with a frown. "I thought… You said you were…" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "You know, on the uh… pill?"

"I am." She nodded and then shook her head. "I mean, I was. I think I missed a few. I didn't think it would make much difference, but obviously it does." She put her hand to her head and began to massage her temples, before walking around to the other side of the counter and grabbing a bottle of wine. She grabbed a glass from the cupboard and then as she was about to pour herself a drink, she remembered her situation. "Shit!" She moaned, banging the bottle back down on the counter.

Leonard was still sitting on the armrest, lost in his own thoughts. "How… How... did this happen?" He said quietly. It wasn't really a question for her, he was really just thinking out loud. "Does Brandon know?"

"About the baby? Yes. About it possibly being yours?" Penny looked down at the floor. "No… Not yet."

"You have to tell him!" Leonard said as he moved from his spot on the armrest, making his way to her.

"I know." She replied quietly.

"When are you going to tell him?" Leonard demanded.

"I don't know."

Leonard found himself becoming angrier and all he wanted to do at that moment was yell at her. He wanted to demand that she tell him right away, because he should know and because he didn't want to have to pretend like this hadn't happened. He wanted to tell her how stupid she had been to mess up something as important as her contraceptive pill, he wanted to ask her how she could sleep with him and Brandon within such a short timeframe that it made her unable to tell who had gotten her pregnant. He wanted to shout, yell, slam doors, and throw things around, anything to get out all of his anger and frustration at the horrible situation he had been put in the middle of. "Penny, you need to… how could you... Why didn't you…" But as soon as he began to yell, he stopped. He was angry, so angry, but he couldn't bring himself to say all those things to her. She was no longer just Penny, she was Penny plus one. A plus one that could be half his, and he could never find it in himself to yell at the woman who could be the mother of his child.

He looked into her eyes, and now that he had calmed down a little and was standing so close to her, he saw that she was exhausted. She had been carrying so much sadness and guilt from everything that had happened between them. She was the one who had to face the man she had cheated on every single day, she was the one who had to tell her fiancé she didn't know whose baby she was carrying and as he looked at her now, he saw the effect it had had on her. She was still beautiful, of course she was, but she was drained, tired and dejected. She looked like she had been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, and he wanted nothing more than to take that weight from her.

He walked away from her and sat down on the sofa, then put his head in his hands. He couldn't look at her when she was like this, because all he would want to do is hold her, comfort her and tell her everything was fine. But everything wasn't fine, and she wasn't his to hold anymore.

Penny sat down on the sofa beside him. She had hurt him and she saw it written all over his face. She took his hand to hold in hers, to offer him some sort of comfort. She hated seeing him like this, but she felt like all she ever did was cause him to be this way. "I'm so sorry Leonard. I didn't mean for this to happen." She croaked as tears once again began to fall from her eyes.

Leonard felt his whole body melt at the sight and sound of her crying, and he no longer cared if she wasn't his to hold. He took the hand that she was holding on to and used it to pull her in close to him. She rested her head on his shoulder as she wept. He closed his eyes as he sat back, trying to hold back his own tears, while she continued to cry into his shoulder.

"I am going to tell him… I promise you I am." Penny said quietly as her sobs began to ease. Leonard squeezed her arm which she took as his response. "Why does everything have to be so complicated…" She said sadly.

"I don't know…" Leonard replied softly. "I guess life would be boring if it wasn't."

"I wish it was boring." She said a few moments later.

Leonard smiled, "Yeah… Me too."

Pennys crying had stopped, but she didn't sit up, and Leonard wasn't about to make her. He let her lie on his shoulder, with her arms wrapped around him, while his mind wandered over everything that had just happened. He thought about the little baby inside of her that could be his, and he promised that no matter what happened, he wouldn't get mad at her, because this wasn't all her fault. They had chemistry, a passion for each other that sometimes just couldn't be denied, as much as they tried to ignore it. It was that damn cat, ever since they had opened the box and let it poke its head out, it refused to die. It jumped around, squealing and yelping, begging to be released, but they wouldn't let it. And look what happened when they did. A whole big mess ensued that they were forced to clean up. He wasn't mad at her, he was mad at the cat. Why wouldn't it just die?

He thought about Brandon, wondering how he would take the news. He wanted Penny to tell him as soon as possible, it was only fair, but he wasn't going to force her. She had put herself under enough stress, and he wasn't about to add to it. He trusted that she knew she had to tell him, and would tell him in her own time. But how would he react? Would he get mad at her? Would he get mad at him? How would Leonard explain to him that this wasn't their fault, it was the cat.

Leonard felt Penny move against his shoulder and he thought she was going to sit up, but when he looked at her, he saw she had fallen asleep. He was quite relieved actually, it was nice to see her relaxed and peaceful, and since it was only midday, he knew she must have been completely exhausted. It made him wonder if she had actually been sleeping these past few days, or if she had been sitting up worrying.

Leonard didn't want to disturb her, but he knew he couldn't sit here with her like this all day. He gently turned to his side, put an arm under her neck and one under her knees, and carried her to her room. He placed her down gently on her bed and removed her shoes. He sat down on the edge of the bed for a second, just to look at her. She still looked sad, like a troubled, knocked up little angel. He gently brushed a hand through her wavy blonde hair, and then kissed her forehead. He put a hand to her stomach, ever so gently so as not to wake her, and at that moment, he fell in love with what was growing underneath his hand. He desperately wanted that baby to be his, not because he disliked Brandon, but because if Penny was to have a child, he wanted it to be his, smart and beautiful, like he had said all those years ago. But even if it wasn't, even if that child belonged to someone else, he knew he would still love it anyway, because it was Pennys. He loved Penny, he always had and probably always would, and so he loved that baby. Whether it was half his or half Brandons, he loved it, because it was half of Penny.

Leonard slowly sat up from the bed and tucked her under the covers, holding in his tears as he did. He closed her curtains and turned off all the lights in her apartment, in order to make it feel like evening and allow her to sleep for as long as possible. He stood in the doorway of her bedroom and smiled at the bundle on the bed.

"Goodnight angels." He whispered, before closing the door and leaving her apartment.


	10. Chapter 10

It was Friday night, and since Brandon was on a night out with some of his friends, Penny decided it was about time she had the girls over. She hadn't been able to spend much time with them lately with all that had been going on, and they had been badgering her for another girls night for the past few days. Penny was reluctant, given her situation, she was not allowed to drink, and Penny knew if she was with the girls without a glass of wine in her hand, they would know immediately that something was up. It was still only her, Brandon and Leonard that knew of the pregnancy and that was mainly because Penny didn't want to go around telling everyone just yet. She wanted to tell Brandon about Leonard first, and then they could tell everyone about the situation they were in, but she couldn't quite find the courage to tell him yet, and she was afraid of the response it would get from their friends and family. But despite her reluctance, she agreed to let them come over, because she had missed them. She had missed their company and their unique and weird ways.

Penny set out some snacks and wine on the coffee table, along with two glasses. She pondered pouring herself a glass of apple juice, to make them think she was drinking and therefore avoiding the inevitable questions, but she decided against it. Deceiving the people close to her had pretty much become normal for her lately, and it was something she desperately hated. She decided she just didn't have the strength to fool them, and if they asked why she wasn't drinking, she would tell them. They were her girlfriends after all and she knew if she told them to keep it a secret, they would. And anyway, she was quite looking forward to telling them her news. She wanted to enjoy what was happening to her, as much as she could do. She couldn't find it in herself to be as excited as she wanted to be about it around Brandon, considering the devastating news she would have to give him, and ever since she had told Leonard a few days ago, she had only seen him twice. Not because they were avoiding each other, just because of work getting in the way really. But on the two occasions she did see him, he acted pretty normal, he asked her how she was with more intent than he usually would, and she really got the feeling he was trying to be as supportive as he could, without letting their situation known to the people around them. But with the girls, she knew she could just tell them she was pregnant, and she wouldn't have to feel any guilt and they wouldn't ask who the baby belonged too, they would just assume it was Brandons and she wouldn't correct them. They would be ecstatic at the pending arrival and she would finally be able to get excited about it, about the prospect of becoming a mother, and for one night, she could let all the other stuff go.

Almost as soon as she had all their evenings' food and drink on the table, there was a knock on her door and knowing who it was, she immediately yelled at them to come in. The two girls burst into the apartment, with a bottle of wine each in hand. She greeted them happily and they sat down on the sofa. Bernadette chatted away immediately about some new girl at her lab that was driving her crazy, and then Amy began to bitch about her new monkey experiment, and Penny relished in the simplicity and normality of it all.

But then the moment came, the moment when Bernadette realized that Penny hadn't poured herself a glass of wine yet, and that she hadn't even brought herself over a glass. "Are you not having some wine Penny?" She asked with a look of puzzlement.

_Crap._ She knew this moment was coming, but it didn't stop her nerves shooting through her body when she was actually given the question. "Um… No." She said as casually as possible.

"Why not?" Amy asked. "Are you pregnant?"

Bernadette looked over at Amy in complete shock, as did Penny. _How on earth could she know that already!_

"What?!" Amy said defensively and said to Bernadette "It seems like the only conclusion. Ever since we have known Penny she has always been the first one to pour herself a glass of wine, or vodka, or beer, or Shnapps, or…"

"Okay Amy we get the point!" Penny chimed in.

"What other reason would cause you to suddenly give up doing what you love to do, other than you being pregnant?" Amy asked.

Penny looked over at Bernadette as she tried to think up a reason, but nothing came to mind. "Um…"

"Oh my God! _Are_ you pregnant?!" Bernadette shouted excitedly.

Penny smiled and held out her thumb and finger, "A little bit."

"I knew it!" Amy said putting a fist in the air. "You can't fool us Penny! Especially when it comes to your ritual drinking habits!"

Penny giggled and enjoyed her friends' excitement at her news. They fussed over her for the rest of the night, asking her about her due date, when her ultrasound was, if she wanted a boy or girl, just about everything and anything to do with babies, and she loved every minute of it. It was just the kind of night she needed to just let her enjoy being pregnant for a while.

"So who all knows?" Bernadette asked as she started on her and Amys second bottle of wine.

"Just you guys, and Brandon and Leonard." Penny said without a thought. But as soon as the words were out, she wondered if she should have told them that Leonard knew, because no doubt they would wonder why he knew before them.

"Leonard knows!" Bernadette said shocked. "Wow, I bet he didn't take that news very well, you know, with your history."

Penny smiled, remembering the day she had told him. It had been hard, she knew it would be, but he took it so well. She remembered crying on his shoulder and falling asleep with her arms wrapped around him. She remembered him picking her up and taking her to her bed. She had woken up slightly at the movement, but didn't let him know it. She remembered how he kissed her forehead, patted her stomach and said goodnight, calling her an angel in the process, and her stomach fluttered at the thought. He still thought of her as an angel despite everything she had put him through, and she wondered if Brandon would still think the same if he was in Leonards shoes. "Actually, he was pretty great about it all." She said with a glazed over look and slight smile, still lost in her own thoughts.

Bernadette and Amy looked over at each other as Penny reminisced. They had seen this look in her before, when Leonard had begun to date Priya. They had seen that look of longing for what she used to have, they saw that sadness at her feeling like she would never be with him again, and they were confused as to why it was showing its face now, when she was happily engaged and now with a baby on the way. But they didn't mention it, they just let her get lost in her thoughts, and continued to enjoy the rest of the evening.

* * *

Penny and Brandon sat outside the doctor's office, the same one Penny had sat in alone only a week ago. Brandon held Pennys hand tightly as he anticipated seeing his baby for the first time. Penny was excited too, but having him with her, just made her remember how much Leonard deserved to be here too. She wished at that moment she had told Brandon before this appointment, but she still couldn't do it, the mere thought of having that conversation with him brought her to the verge of crying and being physically sick. But she was going to do it, because she had promised Leonard she would.

When her name was called on the intercom, she went to the same room as she had the last time, and once again entered to Dr Hunt sitting at her desk, arranging her notes on her desk. "Hello again Penny." She said with a smile when she spotted her. She motioned for the two of them to sit down and they did. "I assume this is the lucky man?"

Penny looked towards Brandon and then back at Dr Hunt. "Yeah." She said with a slight blush.

"Brandon." He said, extending his arm out to her.

"Jordan, lovely to meet you." Dr Hunt said as she shook his hand.

Dr Hunt then begun to ask Penny some questions about the past few days and how she had been getting on. She then took them into another room, where there was a bed with foot rests on each side. Penny looked at it in confusion as she tried to figure out how to sit on it, when Dr Hunt came over and showed her what to do. Penny followed her instructions and giggled when she was sat on the bed, with her legs wide open in front of her and a sheet to cover herself. "This feels so wrong!" She said. Dr Hunt and Brandon giggled, "But it's actually very comfortable." She said with a chuckle.

A few moments later, Dr Hunt sat in front of the screen, and a black and white picture appeared along with the sounds of a very small, very quiet thump, followed by another and then another. "That is your babys heartbeat." She said quietly trying to not let her words overpower the sound of the thumps. She stepped away from the screen and pulled it closer to Penny. "And that is your baby. Congratulations." She put a hand to Pennys arm as she saw her eyes fill up with tears and then headed to the door. "I will give you two a few moments alone."

Penny stared at the screen, listening intently to the sound of her babys heart. "Wow." She said quietly. Brandon took a hold of her hand and squeezed it tightly, but she tried not to focus on it. She didn't want to think about how Brandon was feeling, because it would remind her just what Leonard was missing out on. She stared at the screen that was just a bunch of dark wavy lines, but represented so much more than that. There was one little peanut shaped dot in the middle and that was her baby. It was real, it was alive and growing, and it was hers.

Dr Hunt arrived back in the room holding a folder. She told her that she had been correct before and she was now seven weeks pregnant, but Penny barely reacted, she had expected as much. She then gave her the due date, and printed off two copies of her uterus, giving one to each of them. Penny held the little piece of paper in front of her for a few seconds and then said, "Jordan, would I be able to have another copy of this."

Dr Hunt looked at her with surprise for a second, and Brandon did the same.

Penny saw their expression and immediately realized she needed a reason, other than the truth. "Just in case I lose this one. I can be a bit of a scatter brain." She said with a smile.

Immediately both of their expressions changed and she breathed a sigh of relief as Jordan printed off one more copy and handed it to her.

Penny then reluctantly got herself off of the bed, collected all of her stuff and said goodbye to Jordan, carrying her scan copies close to her.

Brandon then drove Penny home, talking the whole way back about how amazing their experience today had been while Penny nodded and agreed happily. He dropped Penny off at the apartment building, and then headed back to work.

Penny walked up the stairs to her home, staring at her scan picture the whole way up, unable to tear her eyes away from the little peanut in front of her. She reached the fourth floor, and immediately knocked on Leonards door and poked her head in.

She looked around and spotted him sitting at his desk. "Hey, is Sheldon around?" She asked quietly.

"No," Leonard said turning around to face her, "He's out with Amy, some sort of train convention."

Penny walked in and grinned. "Oh, exciting." She giggled and Leonard chuckled along with her.

"How are you?" He asked turning around in his chair.

"Good, um… I have something for you." She said timidly.

He frowned a little and stood up. "Oh… What is it?"

She held out the picture that she was holding with a slight smile. He looked at it in confusion for a second before realizing what it was she was handing him. He took the picture from her and looked at it intently, staring at the little peanut. "Oh my God." He whispered. Suddenly becoming filled with emotion. The little dot on that paper could be his baby and that single thought made his heart pound with joy.

"I'm sorry you couldn't come." She said sadly. He looked up at her and smiled, letting her know it was okay, he understood. "It was amazing Leonard, I got to hear the heartbeat and everything!" She said with a grin. She then told him everything the doctor had told her that day, with all the excitement that she should have spoken to Brandon with.

Once she had finished, he looked up at her from the picture and she saw a few tears being to show themselves in his eyes. "You will be there for the next one, I promise." She said.

Leonard smiled at her, knowing how seriously she meant it. He had known she was going to her first ultrasound today, and it killed him that he wasn't going to be able to be there for it, but he had promised himself he wouldn't push her to tell Brandon what had happened and he intended to stick to it. He knew she would tell him and by the look in her eyes he could tell she was on the verge of doing it, so he let her be, wanting her to stay as stress free and relaxed during this pregnancy as possible.

He looked down at the picture and couldn't quite believe it was a little baby amongst all those lines. It was quite spectacular really. "Thank you." He said quietly. "For this." He said holding the picture up.

Penny smiled and pulled him in for a hug that seemed to last forever, yet wasn't long enough.

Eventually she pulled away, "I have to go. I've to go to work in an hour."

Leonard smiled, then nodded as Penny left. "Don't work too hard." Penny turned around in the doorway and gave him an 'as if' face before smiling and closing the door behind her. He immediately went to his wallet and put the picture inside, so that he would have it wherever he went.


	11. Chapter 11

"So when are we going to tell everyone officially then?" Brandon asked Penny as he made himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen.

It was something he had been hinting at for the past few days, he was excited about the prospect of becoming a dad, and he wanted everyone to know it. His family, his friends, her family and her friends, he wanted to tell everyone. Penny managed to stall him, telling him she didn't want to tell anyone too soon, keeping the real reason to herself. She didn't want him telling everyone yet, not until he knew how Leonard fit into this whole equation. She knew she had to tell him soon though. Leonard had been so supportive with this whole thing, not pressuring her or yelling at her to tell him, when she knew rightly that she deserved to be pushed, and deserved to be yelled at. But it was only a matter of time until Leonard got tired of waiting on her to do this on her own. Before long, he would get fed up waiting, and demand that she tell him.

"Soon. Just give it a few more weeks." She said as she ate her cereal.

It had been just over two weeks since she had found out she was pregnant. Bernadette and Amy had managed to keep her secret, just as Brandon and Leonard had, and she was so grateful. She wanted to tell everyone else, she really did. She had pictures in her head of the moment when she told her whole family, they would be so excited for her. Her parents would be thrilled at the thought of becoming grandparents again, but then she would have to tell them all that she didn't know who the father to her baby was, and she dreaded it. She could just about handle telling her friends, they knew her and Leonard well enough to know the chemistry they had together, and she was sure they probably wouldn't even be too surprised that Leonard could be her babys father, but telling her parents was going to be hard. Every time she thought of it she was filled with a horrible feeling of shame. She felt dirty, like one of those people on daytime television asking for a DNA test, because they had slept with so many people they didn't have a clue who their baby belonged too. She knew deep down she wasn't that bad and that her parents wouldn't really see her that way, but she couldn't help the way she felt.

"Come on Penny, we have waited long enough!" He said as he sat down on the stool beside her. "How about we tell them all tomorrow?"

Penny looked at him with fear, but she tried to disguise it. _Tomorrow. No not tomorrow. That's too soon._ Her heart began to race, "No, Brandon. I don't want to tell anyone yet."

Brandon sighed, "Why not?" He said, his voice sounding frustrated and annoyed. "What is wrong with you? You have been acting so weird lately..." He looked at her scared expression and said, "You don't want this baby do you?"

Penny was shocked. In all honesty she had been expecting him to say something like this to her, but she hadn't expected it now. She knew she had become a lot more distant with him ever since finding out about the baby, but she had tried her best to hide it like she had her night with Leonard. But it wasn't as easy, the guilt this time was too much to bear, so much so that she found it hard to be in the same room alone with him. "Of course I do! It's just… It's too soon." She wasn't lying, she did want this baby. It had scared her at first, in fact it had terrified her, but quite literally, it had grown on her. She had begun to enjoy the prospect of becoming a mother, and all the other things that came with it. She just wished it hadn't happened like this, amidst all this hurt and confusion.

"Too soon for what?" He said as he stood up from his stool. "Too soon to tell everyone? Too soon to have a baby? Too soon to get married?" His voice became louder and a little angrier with each sentence and inside she found herself answering yes to every single one of them.

"Brandon, stop being silly." She said as she put her bowl into the sink. But he wasn't being silly, he was saying what he felt was true. "I just can't tell anyone yet." She had completely ignored his questions and it hadn't gone unnoticed by him.

"Penny, talk to me, tell me what is going on with you?" He asked her, in a sad voice that made Pennys heart melt inside. She could tell him now. She _should_ tell him now. But she couldn't do it. The words stuck in her throat and she choked, like she had every other time she had tried to tell him.

She looked down sadly at the ground, and then looked back up at him. "Brandon, can we talk about this later, please?" All she needed was time. If she knew she was going to tell him today, she wanted some time to prepare herself for the damage it was going to cause.

He sighed in frustration, and then collected his phone and keys. "Fine. But as soon as I get back from work, I want an explanation. I want to know what is going on with you. Okay?" He said sternly.

Penny felt her eyes well up at the thought. She was going to have to tell him at some point, and today was the day. "Okay." She said quietly and he left. Without a goodbye, without a kiss, he just left. Upset and annoyed that the woman he loved, was keeping something from him, but not for long, because she was going to tell him tonight. This charade had gone on too long and it was time for him to know. It was time to let everything out in the open, so they could all enjoy this happy time in their lives, with no more lies, no more secrets and no more guilt. She was petrified of the conversation, and the consequences of it, but she had gone on keeping this secret for too long, as had Leonard. It was time for her to do what was right, time for her to pluck up some courage, and break Brandons heart.

She tried to figure out in her head how she was going to tell him, but every time she tried she blanked. She nervously paced her whole apartment, walking from her bedroom, to her kitchen, around her sofa and back around again. She done it so many times that the apartment seemed to shrink around her. She started to feel a little lightheaded, so she headed to the bathroom to wash her face and hopefully refresh her body. She splashed the water over her face, but it didn't help. She still felt ill. She dried off her face, and then went to the toilet, resting her head in her hands. When she was finished, she groaned as she moved her hands from her face, and her stomach sank as she spotted some light spots of blood on her underwear. She panicked for a moment, but then remembered that Dr Hunt had said that some spottings of blood were common in the early stages of pregnancy, so she shrugged off those feelings of fear, and continued to think over what she was going to say to Brandon tonight.

She began to pace the apartment again, but quickly felt those same feelings come to the surface. The room seemed to close in on her as she nervously paced around and she decided she had to get out of there. She had to get into the fresh air and open space to clear her head, maybe go for a soothing drive down to the park, or the beach. She grabbed her car keys and purse and then headed out the door, stopping as soon as she shut the door behind her. Her stomach seemed to tighten inside of her for a moment, but it passed and Penny put a hand to her stomach, wondering what was going on. Dr Hunt had told her that there could be some cramping feelings during her pregnancy, but she hadn't felt any until now. She wondered why she was getting them now, but feeling unable to deal with any more painful thoughts, she shrugged it off, telling herself there was nothing to worry about and she was just being paranoid.

She continued on her journey down the stairs, stopping every now and again for those same feelings in her stomach, each one getting slightly more painful. She stayed in a state of denial, she had been through enough and didn't want to comprehend what this pain could mean.

Penny continued on her route to her car, but as soon as she reached it, another one of those cramps came. This one was even more painful than the rest and she doubled over, clutching her stomach and grimacing in pain. Tears came to her eyes as she finally let her head understand what was happening to her body. She had only just begun to allow herself to get excited over having a child, and the thought that that could now be being taken away from her, gave her an ache in her heart that was desperately unbearable. She put her weight against her car and yelled out in pain as another cramp hit her. It was worse than the last and she knew then she had to call someone. She had to get to the doctor, her baby was in trouble and she needed to help it. Tears streamed down her face as she pulled out her phone and without hesitation, or a second thought, she hit number one on her speed dial.


	12. Chapter 12

Leonard was sitting in his chair cross-legged with his laptop sitting on top of him, playing one of his online games when his phone rang. He frowned immediately, annoyed that his game was being interrupted, and pulled out his phone. _Penny calling._ It said and he touched the screen to answer.

"Hey, Penny what's up?" He asked casually whilst still using his free hand to play his game.

"Leonard, something's wrong." She said. It was muffled, and Leonard thought she sounded like she was crying.

Immediately he panicked and stopped what he was doing, "What do you mean something's wrong?"

"I don't know…" She answered amidst sobs, before yelling in pain.

His stomach fell at the sound, he had no idea what was happening to her, but he had to get to her. He had to help her. "Where are you?" He asked quickly.

"At the…" She stopped to let out another moan of pain before speaking again, "car park, downstairs. Please Leonard hurry."

Leonard didn't say anything else. He just hung up the phone, put it in his pocket, grabbed his keys and flew down the stairs. He didn't think of anything as he ran. His only concern was getting to Penny quickly, because something bad had happened to her, and she needed him.

Before he knew it he was at the bottom floor, he pounded through the doors to their building and sprinted to the car park. He looked around, frantically searching the grounds for Penny, and then he spotted her. She was on the floor, resting her back against her car wheel, holding her stomach and crying hysterically. The sight instantly brought a tear to his eye, and he froze on the spot for just a second, his pulse racing, his breathing erratic, and absolutely terrified of what this meant. But then Penny cried out in pain, and quickly, and instinctively, he ran to her.

"Penny!" He yelled as soon as he got close to her and he got down on his knees beside her, reaching his hands out to her arms.

"Leonard." She whimpered as she tried to pull herself up, but as soon as she moved she yelled in pain and sat back again. "Something's wrong." She cried.

Leonard looked her over and quickly spotted a few spots of blood on her jeans, and he hung his head, knowing exactly what it meant. A shooting pain went through his body and tears caught in his throat. He wanted to sit with his back against the car and cry with Penny, but he couldn't. Penny needed him more than he needed to cry.

He stood up and opened the passenger seat door to Pennys car then went back over to her. "What are you doing?" She croaked.

"Come here." He said, putting her arm around his neck, and holding her gently by the waist. "You are going to have to stand up, so we can get you in the car okay?" He said softly.

Penny looked up at him with terror in her eyes, "I can't." She said shaking her head. "It hurts too much."

"Penny, you have too." He looked toward the door that was just more than a foot away. "It's only over there and it will only hurt for a second, I promise. Now are you ready to get up?"

Penny looked into his eyes, terrified of what she was about to do, but trusting in him that he knew what he was doing. Slowly she nodded her head, and put her other arm around his neck. She pulled herself up as much as she could, and then yelped in pain again. But Leonard held on to her, keeping her on her feet and slowly moving her towards the car door.

Leonard held on tightly to her as she manoeuvred her way into the car seat, and tried to ignore her yells of pain as best as he could. He could barely even stand to see Penny cry, so seeing her in this much pain and distress made his heart break into small pieces inside. He wanted to hold her in his arms and make the pain go away, but he knew she needed more than a hug to make her stop hurting this time.

Leonard put her seatbelt on and shut the door as soon as she was sat inside. He grabbed her purse from the floor, took out the car keys and sat in the driver's seat. He glanced over at Penny, she had her eyes tightly closed with her head pushed against the headrest, her chest was heaving up and down from crying and her hands were around her stomach.

"Leonard, what's happening to me?" She said through shaky sniffles that brought those tears back to his eyes. He was sure she knew what was happening, as he figured most women would, and he knew she was just hoping that he would say something that would remove that possibility. But he couldn't.

"You are going to be okay Penny." He said softly.

She opened her eyes and looked at him, "but what about…" She looked down at her stomach and Leonard immediately reached his hand out and turned her face to him.

"_You _are going to be fine." He made sure to make no mention of the baby and focus on her. "I promise you, you are going to be okay." Penny looked at him with all sorts of doubt in her eyes. "Penny, would I lie to you about this?" She sniffled and shook her head slowly. "Okay, so you understand that you are going to be fine?" She sniffled again and nodded. Leonard gave her a small smile, and she tried her best to give him one back.

But then another pain hit her and she cried out, grabbing his hand and squeezing it as tightly as she could. It hurt him a little, but only for a second and then all pain was gone. He was numb, entirely focused on helping her and not caring what was happening to him. He was still out of breath, heaving from running down all those stairs and he wasn't even sure he had his inhaler on him, but he barely noticed any of it. Adrenaline took over him and helped him to carry on helping Penny.

He took a deep breath and switched the car engine on, using one hand to do all the driving. He knew it wasn't safe, but he didn't care. Everyone else's safety didn't matter at that moment, only Pennys. He drove out onto the road and went as fast as he could in the direction of the hospital. He had visited it many times, so his familiarity with the route came in handy at this crucial moment.

He drove fast and erratically, dodging people, animals, and signs at the last moment, thankfully not hitting any of them. Penny was still crying beside him, yelling and squeezing his hand as soon as one of those pains hit. She would cry out to him that she was hurting, and he continued to tell her she will be okay, forcing his own tears to stay inside for the moment.

He wasn't sure how fast he was driving, but he knew it was way over the speed limit, so he wasn't surprised when a police car came up behind him, flashing their lights. He wasn't surprised, but he was angry, this was an emergency, and he needed to get Penny to the hospital. He didn't want to stop, but his rational mind told him he had too, he didn't want a police chase to deal with, especially while he was driving with one hand.

So reluctantly he pulled over and rolled down the window in Pennys car. The officer came over to his window and before the woman even spoke, Leonard began, "Look I'm sorry for speeding," He said quickly, "You can give me a ticket, book me, arrest me, I don't care, but my friend is in trouble and I have to get her to the hospital first." He looked up at the officer with his eyes pleading with her to understand his situation. She poked her head in the window, and looked over at Penny, writhing in pain on the seat beside him, tears streaming down her face, with blood staining her jeans.

The officer's face immediately dropped and she spoke. "Okay, follow me." She said before running into her car, turning on the sirens, and speeding away, with Leonard quick on her tail.

Within ten minutes they were at the hospital. The police officer ran out ahead, and brought over a wheelchair for Penny while Leonard rushed to help her out of the car. He took her seatbelt off, and she put her arms around his neck, clinging to him with all her might. He put his hand under her knees to pick her up, and put on her the wheelchair that the officer had brought over. The police woman began to roll Penny away, and Penny instantly shouted out to Leonard, who was standing behind her, but she didn't see him. "Leonard! Don't leave me!" She cried.

Leonard moved out ahead of the officer and took Pennys hand. "I'm not going anywhere sweetheart, I'm right here."

They entered the hospital and the officer ran up to the desk, Leonard didn't know what she had said, but as soon as she was done talking, two nurses came around and began to wheel Penny away. Leonard ran on behind them, for as long as he could, until she was pushed through two big doors and one of the nurses turned around and stopped him. "You can't come in. You will have to wait here."

"But, no! I can't! She needs me! I can't leave her." He protested and he heard Penny call out to him from the other side of those doors. "I'm coming Penny!" He shouted and then gave the nurse a pleading look. "Please, I can't leave her."

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't let you through. We will get her stable as quickly as possible and then you can see her, until then, you need to stay out here." The nurse said and then went off with Penny.

Leonard went to follow them anyway, but the police officer from before held him back. "What are you doing?!" He yelled to her. "Let me go, I have to stay with Penny!" Tears filled up his eyes as he pulled against the officer, and eventually he gave in. He relaxed his body and finally all the tears he had been holding inside, streamed down his face.

The officer led him back through the doors and sat on him a seat against the wall. He was sure that she was saying something to him, but he couldn't understand what it was. All that ran through his mind was Penny, unable to get the image of her in that car seat, writhing in pain, out of his mind.


	13. Chapter 13

Leonard stared ahead blankly as he waited for the nurse to come back through those doors. The police officer had disappeared and he was now sitting alone, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Everything had gone so fast that it was almost a blur. He couldn't remember getting here, and he couldn't remember how he had met the police officer. He couldn't remember the horrible phone call that had started this appalling situation, but he _could_ remember the pain, and the gut wrenching fear that embodied Pennys whole being as she sat across from him in that car. Tears were still flowing freely from his eyes, but he could barely feel them roll down his cheek anymore. His hand was slightly swollen and throbbing from being squeezed so tightly, but he couldn't feel that pain. He had gone almost completely numb, the only feeling he felt, was a tight ache in his chest. He knew he probably needed his inhaler, but he wondered what good it would do, as he was certain that that pain wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. Penny was hurting, and for as long as she hurt, he would be hurting too. His mind hovered over the reason behind it, the sickening cause for all this pain and heartache, but as soon as his mind touched upon it, he forced it to blank again. He didn't _know_ that what he thought had happened to her had actually happened. It wasn't _fact_ yet, it was merely an assumption. He wasn't a medical doctor, for all he knew Pennys ailment could be caused by something different from what he thought it may be. Deep down, he knew he was clinging at straws, but it was the only thing right now that kept him from completely breaking down.

A few moments later, as he was still trying to keep that horrendous thought from making its way into his conscious, those two big doors opened and one of the nurses came out.

Leonard immediately jumped out of his seat, and walked up to her. "How is she?" He said, his voice cracking at every word.

"She's fine, we have her sedated for the moment. Are you Leonard?" The nurse asked, with a soft, soothing voice.

Leonard nodded. "Why have you sedated her? What…" Leonard hesitated asking the question, he didn't really want to hear the answer, but he had to. "What happened to her?" He asked as a tear rolled down his cheek. A tear that already knew what the nurse was going to tell him.

The nurse gave Leonard a look of heart-warming sympathy before replying. "I'm afraid she has suffered a miscarriage. We have her sedated for the moment to give her body some time to adjust to the trauma before we discharge her. I'm so sorry." She said softly, reaching a hand out to his arm.

Leonard turned away from the nurse, sat on the seat and put his head in his hands. Those words stung at him, poking holes in his heart. He had known since the moment he saw her collapsed against her car that this was the reason, even although he had tried his best to convince himself otherwise, but those words being spoken aloud, made the situation all too real. Those words were definite, he could no longer pretend, or stop his head from touching upon the thought. It was now centre and forefront in his mind, and he could no longer avoid it, he had to face up to this whole new realm of pain he was going to experience. The baby, that he wasn't even sure was his, was gone.

"When can I see her?" He asked, looking up from his hands.

"Soon. I actually have some paperwork I would like you to fill out first, if that's okay." The nurse said in the same soothing, gentle manner as before.

Leonard shot her a disbelieving look, unable to fathom how she could expect him to fill out forms at this moment in time.

"I'm sorry, I know it is the last thing you want to do, but I'm afraid it has to be done. I know she is in no fit state to do it herself and I figured that you, being her fiancé, would be the next best thing."

Leonard frowned, trying to figure out if he had actually heard her right. "What? I'm not her fiancé."

The nurses face dropped, "Oh… I'm sorry, I just assumed since she was calling for you, and when I saw the ring on her finger I figured you were her partner. Sorry." The woman looked genuinely apologetic and quite embarrassed at her mistake. "Would I be correct to assume then that you aren't… weren't the father?"

Leonards whole body seemed to fall inside of him. "No…" He said quietly as he looked down at the floor. There really wasn't any other answer he could give, nobody else knew that there was even a chance of him being the dad, only him and Penny.

"Would you happen to have the number of the man who is?" The nurse said gently. "We really need to get in touch with him."

Leonard nodded and handed his phone to the nurse. "His name is Brandon. Can I see her now?"

The nurse hesitated, unsure if she should let someone who wasn't as close to her as she had thought be the first to see her, but she quickly changed her mind. Part of her knew that there was more to these two than meets the eye, and the sad, pleading manner in which he asked about her, seemed to be that of someone who truly cared for the woman in that hospital bed. "Yes, but please, don't wake her up. Her body has been through a tremendous amount today and she needs to rest. Plus, this will probably be the last time she sleeps peacefully in a while."

Leonard nodded and the nurse took him through the big doors, and down a few corridors, until they reached the room where Penny lay. He looked through the big window into her room and saw her, sleeping peacefully in the room, all alone. "Does she know what happened to her?" He asked slowly.

"Not officially, but in these types of situations, the woman usually knows."

Leonard didn't say anything as he let the words sink in. _She already knew._ She was going to wake up, and as soon as she did, she would know instantly what had happened to her. This moment, while she slept, really were her last moments of peace. The nurse walked away, with Leonards phone in hand, ready to break the bad news to Brandon and he was left alone, staring in on her from the outside of her room, fighting his urge to go in and touch her hand and stroke her cheek, with his rational mind telling him he couldn't do anything that might wake her, in a hope to prolong her peaceful ignorance to what had happened.

Slowly, and as quietly as he possibly could, he opened the door and stepped inside, barely letting a breath out of his mouth in fear that the sound would wake her. He walked slowly towards her bed, as his throat and chest tightened. He felt those tears once again sting his eyes and he sat down on a seat beside her bed, unsure if he would be able to carry on standing for much longer. His eyes slowly made their way from the floor to her sleeping face. She was frowning, her eyes had smudges of mascara around them and her cheeks were stained with tears. While her beautiful blonde hair had become straggled and dull, stained with tears and sweat. He wanted to touch her, wipe away those blemishes and brush her hair. He wanted to reach out and hold her fragile body close to him, to try and make up for the feeling of loss he had in his heart. Instead, he hung his head and took his glasses off to wipe away his own tears, needing to find something to do with his hands to stop himself from reaching out to her.

He heard the door behind him slowly open and he turned to see who it was making the noise. He saw it was the nurse and turned back around. "Leonard," She whispered and he turned to face her again. "Can I talk to you outside?"

Leonard nodded and quietly left the room, taking one more look at Penny before he closed the door behind him.

The nurse handed his phone back to him, "I can't get a hold of Brandon, it just keeps on ringing out. Maybe you could continue to call him and let him know the situation when he answers?" Leonard nodded, barely taking in what she was saying, just waiting on the moment when she would let him go back in that room and sit with Penny. "I hate to do this to you, but we really need these forms filled out." She said softly.

Leonard nodded, desperate to get this conversation over with. He reached his hand out to take the papers and pen from her, but as soon as the pen was in his hand, it became clear that he wouldn't be able to fill anything out as the nurse spotted his swollen fist. The nurse asked what had happened, but he could barely find the words to tell her. She tried to get him to come into another room for some treatment, but he shook his head in defiance. "I'm not leaving her again." He managed to croak through the lump in his throat. The nurse was about to protest, but quickly changed her mind upon seeing how determined he was to stay by Pennys side.

"Okay. Here's what we will do, I will fill this out, but you will have to give me all the information." She said holding up the sheets. Leonard agreed and they both sat down on two chairs outside of Pennys room. The nurse asked him every question on the form and he answered each one with ease, surprising even himself that he knew all of those things about her. As soon as the papers were filled out the nurse turned to Leonard and said, "Thank you for that. Now, once she is awake, and we have a look at her to make sure everything is ok, she will be discharged. I understand that you drove here, but I don't think you are in any fit state to drive now, so I suggest you make arrangements to get her home. Maybe give her fiancé another call and get him to collect you both." She gave him a warm smile and he nodded.

"Can I go back in now?" He asked.

The nurse nodded, "Just let one of us know when she wakes up." She said before heading back off in the direction she came from.

Leonard immediately made his way back into her room, and sat on the chair beside her. Once again his instinct fought with his rational mind about whether to reach out for her or not, and this time, as usually was the case for these two, basic instincts took over all rational and logical sense. He slowly reached his hand out and held it with hers, and it gave him a little comfort, but not enough. He wondered for a second how it was possible to feel this kind of pain for the loss of something that, not only he barely knew, but that may not have been his. He had an indescribable ache in his whole body and there seemed to be a constant lump in his throat and tears in his eyes. It _could _have been his, and that was all that mattered. There _could _have been that beautiful, intelligent mix of Penny and him, but now there wouldn't be. He looked up, through tear stained lenses, and focused his eyes on her. The only movement she made was the gentle rhythm of her chest going up and down as it breathed. She was sound asleep, yet she still looked sad and defeated. One million miles from the happy, bubbly, confident woman he knew, and at that moment he wished she would never have to wake up. Because when she woke up, she would feel what he was feeling, only worse. She would feel this pain in her chest, longing for the little life that was now gone, but it would tear her up more than it did him. She had known it for longer, she had heard its heartbeat, and let it grow inside her for seven short weeks. And it was hers, definitely.

He removed his hand from hers, took off his glasses, put his head in his hands, and cried. He cried for the lost life, and he cried for the agonising grief that Penny would soon feel.


	14. Chapter 14

Leonard sobbed in that chair, until his eyes couldn't cry anymore. The lump in his throat was still there, as was the ache in his heart, but the tears refused to show themselves anymore. He looked at Penny and took comfort in the thought that she was still asleep, and then his logical mind began to take charge once again. He had let himself become a slave to his emotions, but now he had to be productive. He had to call his friends, to tell them what had happened, and he should call Brandon too, but that was a call he desperately didn't want to make. He watched Penny as she continued to breathe slowly in and out, before reluctantly tearing himself away from her. He found his way back outside to the front of the hospital, and as soon as he stepped out into the fresh air, he took a few long deep breaths, finding the fresh oxygen soothing, but only for a moment. He took his phone out of his pocket and hovered over Brandons name. He knew he had to call him, he needed to know what was going on, but he just didn't want to have to be the one to tell him. Hesitantly, he pressed down on the screen and the phone began to ring, but all it did was ring. There was no answer, just as the nurse had said before. Leonard breathed a sigh of relief, glad that he wouldn't have to have that conversation just yet, and then he wondered who to call next. He wasn't even sure if anyone else knew about Penny being pregnant in the first place. He pondered his choices and quickly decided Bernadette would be the best one to call. He scrolled to her name and pressed down, hearing those monotone rings again, but this time someone picked up on the other side.

"Hello Leonard." She chirped.

"Hey." He croaked in reply. He cleared his throat in a failed attempt to remove the ever present lump that choked it up. "Bernadette… I… uh…"

"Is everything ok?" She asked, hearing the pain in his voice.

"No. I'm at the hospital with Penny."

"Oh my God. What's happened?" She asked quickly.

Leonards stomach fell at the thought of saying those words to her. "She… Uh…" He cleared his throat again.

"Leonard, talk to me what is going on!" She shouted desperately down the phone, in an obvious state of panic.

Leonard held the phone away from his ear as his tears began to flow again. "She's had a miscarriage." He choked and he began to sob again.

"Oh no…" She said sadly. "I'll be right down."

"Can you bring Howard too? Pennys car is here and I'm going to need one of you to take it back. If that's okay?"

"Of course,"

"And she will need some clothes, the ones she came in are... um..." Leonards throat began to tighten again and he coughed to clear it. "Dirty. There should be a key to her apartment in my bowl, Howard has a spare key to get into my apartment, I think.

"No problem, Leonard." She said sadly. "We will be there as soon as possible."

"Thank you, Bernadette." He said quietly and hung up his phone. He took a few deeps breaths, and scrolled to Brandons name, deciding to try his phone once again while he was able. Once again he hit his number with his thumb, but just as before, there was no answer. Leonard growled in frustration, annoyed that the man who was supposed to be spending his life with her, marrying her and looking after her, wasn't around at the time when she needed him most. He put his phone back in his pocket and headed back inside as he realized that Penny was now alone and he didn't want her to wake up without anyone by her side.

He found his way back to her room with ease, and just as he had before, he sat down on the chair beside her bed. He took a few shaky breaths as his tears began to hit his eyes again, the sight of Penny, fragile and helpless on that hospital bed, making him feel all kinds of hurt he hadn't even realized he was able to feel. He gently took her hand in one of his, and put an arm on the side of her bed for him to lay his head on. He was exhausted, and completely drained. He needed to rest, but he didn't want to sleep because he didn't want Penny to wake up alone. So he fought the sting of tiredness in his eyes, and kept them firmly on her for as long as he could, until his eyes became too heavy, and he gave in.

Penny slowly rose from her deep sleep, feeling immediately disorientated before she even opened her eyes. Everything was wrong, she was lying flat on her back, which was something she never done, and in a bed that didn't feel like hers. She felt cold, lonely and sore, not painfully sore, just uncomfortably ached. She slowly opened her eyes, scared and wary of what would meet them, and fear struck her as soon as she realized she was in a hospital bed. Her head scanned over her memories, to the last thing she could remember doing, and the only picture she had in her mind, was of when she was in her apartment, arguing with Brandon. She tried hard to remember what happened after that, but nothing would come to her.

Penny heard the slight stirring of someone close to her, so she tilted her head and she saw Leonard with his arms folded on the bed and his head resting on top of them. She let out a brief smile, but then her memory threw her a picture, a picture of him, in her car, frantically driving her here. The picture was accompanied by a fierce pain in her gut as her whole body relived that moment in her car. Penny shook her head slowly, as the rest of the day came flooding back to her. She remembered the pain in her stomach and the blood on her body and she was met with a sickening feeling. She knew something was missing. Her stomach had that churning feeling of when you momentarily lose something, like your purse or phone. She had that moment of panic of when you believe that your stuff is lost, only much, much worse. She knew then what she had lost, and she broke down. Tears raced down her cheeks and she sobbed uncontrollably.

Leonard awakened to the sound of her quiet sobs, and reached his hand out to her again, holding it tightly with both of his. He didn't know what to say, and he was certain there was nothing he could say to make this moment any easier for her, so he just held her hand, until she turned to him. They looked into one anothers eyes, her green iris' visibly dulled and glazed over with tears. Her eyes pleaded with him, begging him to tell her that what she was feeling wasn't true, that her little baby wasn't gone, but he couldn't.

Penny knew by his depressed demeanour, that what she had feared was a reality, but she desperately didn't want to believe it. She wouldn't believe it, not until it was confirmed. Not until someone said those words to her would she believe that her baby was gone, and that someone had to be him, because if he told her it was true, then it definitely was.

"Leonard?" She croaked.

Leonard sighed sadly as he looked at her, knowing what she was going to ask him, feeling sick at the thought of having to say it to her.

"Tell me it's…" She said through shaky breaths, "It's not gone." Her voice cracked as she tried her best to get her words out. "Please Leonard…" Her eyes filled with tears and then slowly they all started to fall. "Tell me my baby's not gone?"

Leonard kept his eyes on hers and squeezed her hand as his throat tightened, "I…" He looked down at the floor, in an attempt to keep his eyes away from hers, because the pain it was causing him was getting too much to bear. "I can't." He said quietly and then looked back up at her. Her eyes were closed as tears still continued to fall from them, and she began to whimper.

Leonard stood up from his seat and moved towards her, pulling her head into his chest and holding her there. "I'm so sorry Penny." He said as she sobbed into him and he stroked her head.

His heart broke as he listened to her cry, trying his best to comfort her and not break down completely too. But he struggled, the pain in his heart was too extreme, too prominent to dismiss, and slowly he broke down into tears with her.


	15. Chapter 15

The nurse entered Pennys room about fifteen minutes after she had woken up, while she was still sobbing in Leonards arms. She came over to the bed and cleared her throat, causing the both of them break apart to look over at her. She introduced herself to Penny, and Leonard learned for the first time that her name was Beth. She explained to Penny what had happened to her, that it was quite common in early pregnancies and that there was nothing she could have done to avoid it. It was nature's decision, and she had no control over it, but that didn't make her feel any better. She continued to cry and ask Beth why it had happened to her, and Leonard could do nothing but hold her hand and listen to her pleas.

Beth continued to reiterate to Penny that this wasn't her fault, and then she turned to Leonard, and asked him to leave so that she could give Penny a quick check-up before she is discharged. He hesitated when he felt Pennys grip on him tighten, and she quietly pleaded with Beth to let him stay.

"This won't take long, I promise. And then you can go home." Beth said softly and reassuringly. She turned to Leonard, noticing that he still hadn't moved an inch. "There is a couple out in the waiting area asking for you and Penny. Why don't you go talk to them while I look her over?" She said with a warm smile.

Leonard nodded and began to loosen his grip on Pennys hand, but she didn't let him go. He looked at her for a second as her eyes begged him not to go, and he gave her hand a quick kiss. "I won't be long. I'll be back before you know it. I promise." Pennys eyes softened, and reluctantly she let go of his hand.

Leonard glanced over at Beth who looked a little confused by their apparent closeness. He knew it must of looked odd considering he had told her that they weren't a couple and she had a fiancé, but he didn't care. She probably wouldn't understand how they felt about each other, even if he tried to explain it to her.

He headed back out of Pennys room and immediately Bernadette and Howard came running up to him, frantically asking him what had happened. Leonard groaned at the thought of going through it all again. His brain pumped against his skull as he tried to think of some words to tell them what had happened that day. He sat down on the chair against the wall, and rubbed his temples as he thought. "She called me earlier," He began. "I went down to get her at the car park and she was…" He looked up at them with tears in his eyes, unable to finish that sentence. He shook his head a little, "So I drove her here, in her car." His voice cracked and he put his head in his hands as he relived the whole ordeal.

Bernadette sat down and put an arm around him, knowing he had probably just experienced the worst day of his life. He looked worn out, his eyes were red and heavy, his t-shirt was stained with tears, and he was pale, sickly pale.

She gently rubbed his back as she gave Howard a sympathetic look. Howard looked completely bewildered, he hadn't even known Penny was pregnant, and Bernadette had only just told him everything that she knew on their drive there. He hurt for his friend, seeing Leonard in such a state of despair was hard, so he decided to try and do something, anything that may help Leonard in some way. He came down and sat at the other side of Leonard. "Do you need me to get you anything? You probably haven't eaten in hours, do you want some food?" He asked gently.

Leonard shook his head, "I'm not hungry." He said simply, knowing deep down it was a lie. His stomach was empty and growling, but he knew if he tried to eat anything, he would quite possibly bring it back up again.

"How about some water?"

Leonard shook his head again. "I'm fine."

Howard looked at Bernadette, who gave him a look that told him to go get something for him to drink anyway, and he stood up.

Leonard noticed him move from his seat and knew where he was going. "Wait, Howard." He reached into his pocket and took out his phone again. "Call Brandon. I have already tried to get him, and so has the hospital, but he isn't answering." Howard nodded as he took the phone and left.

A few quiet moments later, Beth came out of Pennys room. "Okay, I'm satisfied that she is recovering properly and she can leave now whenever she is ready to." She said to Leonard.

Leonard stood up in front of her. "Okay, that's good."

Beth nodded. "It is, but she is still going to need to be monitored. We will give her some pain pills because she may still experience some light cramps, but more than that she is going to need your support. I'm sure you know that this is going to be hard, not only for her, but for the father, and for all of you. She will need all of you around her, no matter how much she may say she doesn't." She looked from Leonard to Bernadette and then back again, "But I don't think I need to worry, she seems to have a pretty good support network around her from what I can see." She gave him a warm smile and touched his arm. "Now, I will leave you to it."

Leonard and Bernadette then got up and headed into Pennys room. Bernadette grabbed a small backpack that she had brought containing some clothes for Penny and brought it into the room with her. Penny was lying back with her eyes closed and a hand around her stomach, but she looked over when she heard her friends enter the room. Bernadette immediately headed over to her and brought her into a warm embrace. Neither of the girls said a word, they just began to cry as they held onto each other. A few moments later, Penny broke away from her and looked over at Leonard. "Can I go home now?" She asked sadly. "I want to go home."

Leonard nodded, "Of course. Bernadette has some clothes for you to get changed into and then we can leave."

Penny nodded, glad that she could finally get out of the hospital. She hadn't been there for long, but she hated it. She hated the smell, and the horrible cold feeling the room gave her. And then, as she was about to get out of her temporary bed, she remembered something that she should have asked about earlier. "Where's Brandon?" She asked as her eyes became filled with tears again. "Does he know?"

"We have been trying to get a hold of him, but he isn't answering." Leonard replied.

"Oh…" She said sadly. For a few seconds she wondered why. Why he wasn't answering his phone and if it was because of their fight earlier that day, and why she hadn't asked about him sooner. But her overwhelming need to get home, away from this hospital, squashed all those questions in her head. She honestly didn't care why, not right now. She didn't want to think about him, or anyone, she just wanted to get home and forget that this whole thing had happened. She got up slowly from her bed, and Bernadette walked with her to the bathroom, handed her the bag and left her to it.

Howard returned a few minutes later, with two bottles of water in hand. He handed one to Leonard, who immediately opened it and took a drink. "Did you get a hold of Brandon?"

Howard shook his head, "No, I tried like three times."

"What?" Leonard replied, obviously annoyed. "Where the hell is that…" Leonard stopped as soon as he saw Penny come out of the bathroom, dressed in her own clothes, looking like she had the world on her shoulders, ready to go home.

She walked over to them, with her eyes to the floor. Leonard placed a hand on her back and they all walked out of the hospital together. Leonard gave Howard the keys to Pennys car and he headed off to drive her car back home, although Leonard was sure that there was no chance that Penny would want to step foot in it again.

Leonard, Bernadette and Penny all headed over to where Bernadettes car was parked. Leonard held on to Penny the whole walk there, and helped her gently get into the back seat, where she lay down and closed her eyes. Leonard got into the passenger seat, and breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't even sure why he was relieved, maybe it was because he was out of that hospital, maybe it was because he had Bernadette there to help take some of the burden off of him to look after Penny since he was barely keeping himself together. Or maybe it was because Penny was lying down, looking quite peaceful. He knew she was far from it, but the fact she looked that way, made him feel just a little better. In fact it was probably the combination of all those things that made him feel glad to be sitting in Bernadettes car, on the way to take Penny home. They journey was quiet. Barely a word was said between them, each one of them feeling a sense of loss and grief.

Leonard turned in his seat, to look at Penny behind him, and Bernadette caught him. She watched him watch her for a second before touching him on the shoulder. "Are you okay?" She asked quietly.

Leonard turned back around and looked at Bernadette. "Not really." He answered truthfully. "It's hard… You know… Seeing her like this."

Bernadette nodded. "I know, but we will get her through this. All of us will, and Brandon too. We will all help her."

Leonard frowned at the mention of his name. "How can he help when he won't even answer his phone?" He said quietly but riddled with disgust. Leonard couldn't understand why he refused to answer his calls, and although deep down he knew that there must be some sort of logical reason, and probably a good one considering that Brandon wasn't that bad of a guy, he had so much hate for him right now. Penny needed him, she needed everyone close to her around her and he was nowhere to be seen. Brandon had no idea that Penny was even hurting, and although part of him knew that as soon as he was told he would rush to her side, Leonard despised him for being so inconsiderate.

"He's probably working and hasn't checked his phone." Bernadette said in reply, all the while feeling some of the same emotions as Leonard, although not as deeply as he did.

"How long have you known she was pregnant?" Leonard asked, wondering a little if Penny had told him about how he may have been the father.

"Not long, just over a week I think." She said as she stared straight ahead.

Leonard nodded as he concluded that she didn't know, or else she would have mentioned it to him, and then turned around again to look at Penny, still seemingly sleeping in the back seat. He stayed in that position for the rest of the car ride and eventually they reached their building. All sorts of horrible memories came flooding back to him as he stepped back out into the street and saw where Pennys car had been parked earlier today. He touched Penny gently on the shoulder to wake her, and she groaned as she opened her eyes and sat up. He crouched down so that he could be almost eye level with her and took a hold of her hand. "Are you going to be okay to walk up all these stairs?" He asked softly.

Penny looked over at him, and gave him a very small smile, one that she could barely muster up, but felt she had to give him. "Are you going to carry me if I say no?" She was trying her best to be light hearted, but it came out sounding like an actual question because of the sadness in her voice.

"I could try, but I don't think I would manage all four floors." He said honestly, preparing himself to lift her as best as he could out of the car.

"Leonard, I'm joking." She said sadly. "I'm not an invalid, I can climb some stairs." She got up off the seat and began to walk a few steps, until the same memories Leonard had gotten, hit her own conscious and she began to slow down. Tears rose up from her stomach and she felt her whole body begin to go weak. She was about to call out for someone to come over, but Leonard was already on his way over, arms outstretched ready to hold onto her.

Bernadette followed closely behind as Leonard guided Penny up the stairs and into her apartment. She groaned and moaned the whole way up the stairs as she held on to Leonards arm, but never said a word to either of them. When they reached her apartment, they took her inside and Leonards phone rang. He checked it quickly as Penny let go of him and slumped onto her sofa, and he saw that it was Brandon. _About fucking time. _He thought to himself. He looked over to Bernadette, who immediately went to sit with Penny as Leonard headed outside into the hall to talk to him.

"Where have you been?" Leonard asked as soon as he answered the call.

"What?" Brandon asked, obviously a bit surprised at the abrupt greeting. "I've been in court. What's going on?"

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" Leonard asked.

"It was on silent. I was assisting my boss in court I had to keep it on silent or turn it off." He said sounding annoyed at why he was even being questioned by him. "I only just came out and noticed I had like, twelve missed calls from you." Then suddenly his tone changed and he sounded quite concerned, so much so that Leonard began to feel bad for what he was going to have to tell him. "What's going on? Is Penny okay?"

"No…" He answered quietly. "You need to come home right away." He said and then sighed as all the feeling he felt the last time when he told Bernadette came creeping back, "She lost the baby Brandon."


	16. Chapter 16

Brandon arrived at the apartment just under half an hour after Leonard had told him the news. He immediately went to the bedroom, where Penny was laying down in bed, wide awake and whimpering.

She had asked to be alone, and insisted that she didn't want anything to eat or drink, but Bernadette had made her some tea and toast anyway, which was still sitting on her bedside table, untouched and getting colder by the minute. They had asked, _begged_ her to eat something, but she defiantly refused, and ordered them, in her sad, grief-stricken state, to leave her alone, which they reluctantly did.

Leonard headed back to his own apartment soon after Brandon had come home, at around six o'clock. Leaving Pennys side had been one of the hardest things he had had to do that day, but her partner was there with her now, and she no longer needed him, although he hoped that wasn't true. He hoped that deep down she wanted him there by her side and not Brandon, after all, _he_ had been the one she called in distress and _he_ had been the one she begged to stay by her side at the hospital, but he wouldn't bet on it. She could have called him because she knew he was the closest one in proximity to her and would get her to the hospital quicker, and she could have wanted him to stay with her, simply because he was the only one she knew at the hospital and didn't want to be alone with strangers. It didn't matter really, because even if she had wanted him to be the one to stay with her, Brandon was her fiancé, so he was the one who got to be her shoulder to cry on.

Leonard headed straight to the cupboard and took out a bottle of vodka that had been sitting in there for longer than he could remember. He wasn't much of a drinker, and when he did drink his weapon of choice would be beer, or occasionally wine, but vodka was all they had, and he needed something, anything, to take the edge off this day. He needed to drown his sorrows in alcohol, to forget the whole day in the bottom of a bottle. He needed to forget the image of Penny in her car that was haunting him every time he closed his eyes. He needed to forget the pain she was feeling and the pain in his own heart. He needed to forget his own grief for what could have been his child, and he needed to forget that Brandon was across the hall, lovingly comforting the woman he loved.

He grabbed a glass and poured himself a drink that he immediately took a swig of, grimacing in disgust when the burning taste hit his throat, instantly remembering the exact reason the vodka had stayed in his cupboard for so long. But he persisted, telling himself it will get better, but being proved wrong on each gulp. A few minutes later, while he was forcing the drink down his neck, Sheldon appeared from his bedroom, confused at the sight that met his eyes. Sheldon was the only one that didn't know about what had happened to Penny. Bernadette had called Amy, and Howard had called Raj to tell them the news, but Sheldon had been forgotten about. It was probably on purpose, because each person knew he would be full of questions, and no-one had the time, or correct frame of mind, to listen or answer them.

Leonard groaned when he noticed him, and took another gulp of vodka, once again grimacing when his throat burned.

"Leonard? Why are you drinking vodka?" Sheldon asked in confusion.

"I'm not Sheldon, it's just water." Leonard replied in the hope that Sheldon would believe him.

"I highly doubt it. I have seen you drink water many times, and in all those occasions, you have very rarely drunk it from a glass, and you have never had that reaction when you swallowed it." Sheldon replied as he made his way over to the kitchen. "You are most certainly drinking vodka, and by the looks of it, not a very good brand." Sheldon noticed Leonards confused expression and decided, as usual, to elaborate. "It is widely known that 'cheap' vodka, gives that burning in your throat that I'm sure you are experiencing due to you reactions when you drink it. 'Expensive' vodka, however, is known to actually be very smooth and tasteless, removing that burning sensation when you drink it." He sat down on one of the stools and took a hold of the bottle to look at it. "So, back to my original question, why are you drinking vodka?"

Leonard took the bottle from Sheldon, poured himself another drink and downed it, shaking his head and grimacing when the vodka was swallowed. He took a deep breath, as he poured himself another one. "Penny had a miscarriage."

Sheldon looked shocked for a second and then shook his head. "Impossible." Leonard immediately shot him a deadly look. "One first has to be pregnant before one can miscarry. Penny wasn't pregnant therefore she couldn't have had a miscarriage." Sheldon said almost dismissively.

Leonard sighed, annoyed that once again he had to explain this dreadful situation. "She was pregnant. She just hadn't told everyone yet," He began and then proceeded to tell him about the worst day of his life. Sheldon was the quietest he had ever been as he listened, and although his expression didn't really change, Leonard knew that deep down, underneath his robotic shell, he was feeling pain and sympathy for Penny. He didn't need to say it, or even show it in his face or body language because the fact that he said nothing as Leonard told him everything, spoke volumes.

"I'm going to my room." Leonard said when he had finished telling Sheldon everything, or almost everything, and then he stood up, taking the glass and bottle with him. "And unless there is an emergency, and I mean a _real_ emergency," He said with a raised eyebrow. "I don't want to be disturbed." Sheldon sat motionless on the stool, and as he was about to protest, he stopped himself and simply nodded his agreement.

Leonard made his way to his room and sat on his bed with his back propped up against the headboard, and then put his bottle of vodka and glass on the bedside table. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, holding it in front of him for a second before opening it and pulling out the scan picture that Penny had given him a week ago. It had felt like a lifetime had passed between that moment and now, so much had happened, and so much had changed. A small part of him was glad that this had happened when it had, that it had happened so early on that no-one had had too much time to bond with the growing baby. But the bigger part of him ached at the injustice, the cruel way in which it was taken, before it had even had a chance to live, before most people had even known it was there and before they could even figure out who had helped bring it here in the first place. A tear rolled down his cheek and he grabbed his bottle of vodka and took another drink, not even bothering with the glass anymore. He put the picture on the table, sat his head back and closed his eyes. The whole day flashed before him, each picture giving him the same feelings he had felt at that moment in time, and he wondered how on earth he was going to get to sleep. He looked toward the bottle and took another drink, hoping one more would erase those pictures, but it didn't.

He wondered how Penny was doing, if she had found the same comfort in alcohol as he had, or if she had found her comfort in the warmth of Brandons arms. He hoped for the latter, as much as he hated the thought of it. He would rather she be in Brandons arms, than with a bottle of wine in her hand, drinking away her pain like he was doing, instead of facing up to it. He hoped that she had let go of her stubbornness from earlier, and forced herself to eat something. He hoped Brandon was talking to her, encouraging her to take something to drink and to lay her head on his chest, and not leaving her all alone in her room, even if she told him that was what she wanted. He hoped that he held her tightly, making her feel safe and loved as he gently stroked her arm and smoothed down her hair, while she cried for her loss and eventually, hopefully, fell asleep in his arms. Leonard hoped, as he took another drink of his vodka and found himself slowly giving way to the unconsciousness of sleep, that Brandon was doing all those things, while he wished that he was the one doing them all for her instead.

* * *

Penny lay in her bed while Brandon sat on the sofa, trying to come to terms with what had happened. He had tried to come in and sit with her, but Penny told him she didn't want to see anyone, and that she wanted to be alone. She looked over at the tea and toast on her bedside table, and could almost hear Leonards voice in her ear, begging for her to take a bite and have a drink. She reached her hand up to the plate and took a slice of toast, and then tentatively she took a bite. It was horrible, cold and tasteless, and the feeling of the food against her throat made her feel sick. She quickly threw it back down on the plate and walked out of her bedroom to the fridge to get a drink of water to wash down the taste. The cold water made her feel a little better and she quickly had the whole bottle gone, before slowly finding her way back into her bed, closely followed by Brandon.

Penny was dazed, barely registering anything that happened as she shut out the whole world, hoping that it would shut out her pain as well. She could hear Brandon say something to her, she couldn't make out the words as her world was spinning, but he was talking softly to her, like he was tiptoeing around her, scared to say something that may upset her even more. She got under her covers as Brandon left, and then returned with more water and setting it down beside the plate of toast and tea. She heard him ask her something about food, and she just shook her head, not even sure what she was saying no to, all she knew was that she didn't want anything at all. All she wanted to do was lie in her bed and sleep, but she knew there was little chance of that happening.

Brandon made his way over to the bed and slipped in the covers beside her, pulling her in close to him, in an attempt to comfort her, and himself too. Penny rested her head on his chest and tried her hardest to let herself feel at ease, to lose herself in the warmth of his touch, but she couldn't. She felt incomplete, like she couldn't let herself rest, until what was missing from her, came back. She pulled back and turned away from him, assuming the foetal position and pulling her pillow up to her face in a desperate attempt to shut everything out, but found herself crying into the pillow instead. She heard Brandons soft soothing tone in the background, but it wasn't enough to make her feel better. She felt him scoot a little closer and put his arms around her in an attempt to make her feel safe, but it didn't work. _You're doing it wrong._ She thought to herself. She wanted to tell him to move in closer so that there was nothing between them, to reach his hand up to hers and hold onto it, while his other hand rested on her stomach, with his thumb gently caressing her skin. She wanted to tell him to nuzzle his face into her neck so that his nose was touching her skin and she could feel him breathing into her hair. She wanted to tell him the words to say that would give her some small comfort at this moment, but she knew even if she did tell him all of that, that it wouldn't be enough. She knew that he wouldn't be able to do all those things the way she wanted him too, not because he wasn't doing them right, but because it was the wrong person doing them. She knew there was one person who would do all those things naturally and just the way she wanted him too. And once again Penny found her eyes filling with tears, tears for her unimaginable loss, and for her ever growing feeling of loneliness in the arms of her fiancé.


	17. Chapter 17

Every day after Penny learned of her miscarriage seemed to pass by unnoticed as she found herself spending most of her time in her apartment, in her bed or laying on her couch. She was almost always either on the verge of crying or completely breaking down. She couldn't remember the last time she felt happy, the last time she laughed or even smiled. She barely spoke to anyone, and she had found herself barely eating, only managing a small dinner each day. Everyone had tried to get her to come out, to eat and to talk to them about how she was feeling, but she refused each one of them, only barely letting Brandon anywhere near her and only because he lived in that apartment with her. The only one that she had hadn't really seen much of, was the one person she would have been happiest to see, Leonard. She longed for his comforting touch and soothing words, but he never came over. She knew he wasn't coping very well, Sheldon had told her about his recent taste for vodka when he had come over and attempted in his own weird way to make her feel better. She had wanted to go over and see him each day after Sheldon had told her, but she stopped herself every time, for fear of what she would see. She was barely coping as it was, and she knew that seeing Leonard in such a state of despair would only worsen her pain, because the guilt would flood her, and she knew it would.

Brandon had been handling the situation much better, he had called her work and both of their parents to tell them what had happened. Something she was so grateful for, because she had no idea how she would even begin to tell her parents what had happened. He took time off his own work to focus on helping Penny, cooking and cleaning the apartment and constantly trying to get her out of her bed and to talk to him, but she always refused. She knew he was trying to be helpful, but she felt smothered by him, barely getting a moment when he wasn't around her. She knew she should feel comforted having her fiancé there to help her through this terrible time, but having him around and not grieving in the same way she was, angered her. She hated that he was handling everything so well, feeling almost like he didn't care, but knowing somewhere deep down that he did. She hated that he was able to get up and out of bed each morning, she hated that he could eat without throwing up and that he wasn't spending each day, curled up on the sofa or in their bed, crying like she was. She wanted him to feel the pain that she was feeling on the outside as well as the inside, just so she would know that he cared about the lost life as much as she did. The fact that he kept his pain inside, even although she knew it was in an attempt to be strong for her sake, just made her feelings of loneliness grow.

She could tell he was getting frustrated by the way she was shutting him out, and it was starting to cause fights between them, although admittedly each of those fights had been started by her, as she snapped at him for being so reserved with his emotions. She would yell and scream at him that he didn't understand what she was feeling and that he didn't care about her baby, and each time she would yell at him, she would feel herself on the verge of telling him about Leonard, about how she had cheated on him and that the baby might not have even been his. She felt herself almost telling him that she was having huge doubts about the wedding, about their relationship, and that she wasn't even sure if she was in love with him anymore, but she stopped herself each time. She had just experienced a massive trauma and she knew that any feelings she felt right now were intensified greatly and she didn't want to do something right now, in the heat of the moment that she may regret in the future. She knew she cared for Brandon, and the very reason she stopped herself blurting out everything, was because she didn't want to hurt him any more than he already had been. Although she couldn't see it, she knew he was suffering already, and she didn't want to add to his pain, not yet.

It was almost two weeks to the day since Penny had lost her baby and she tossed and turned in her bed, much in the same way she had done every single night that week and the week before. She would only ever manage about a half an hour of sleep, before she would wake up with a jolt, breathing heavily and shaking, as her mind filled with the memories of that day and she was washed over with a feeling of pure emptiness. She would look over at Brandon, lying beside her with his arm draped around her body, and resent him for being able to find some peace, and then hate herself for feeling such an emotion. She lay on her back, facing the ceiling, praying to God to let her sleep and to take away her pain. But He never listened, and she stayed with her eyes open, staring into the darkness. She sat up in the bed, put her robe on and slowly left her bedroom. She wasn't sure what she was doing, all she knew was that she couldn't do it again. She couldn't go another night laying in her bed staring at nothing, she had to do something. She needed to breathe outside of these four walls that were suffocating her, and now was the perfect time to do it, because she could do it alone, in the middle of the night, when the city was asleep.

* * *

Leonard was sitting on the couch in his apartment, the light from his laptop the only thing keeping the room from being completely dark. There was a half empty bottle of vodka and an empty glass sitting on the coffee table. Leonard looked past his screen, to the bottle sitting there, begging him to take one more drink. It was the cheap kind, the really cheap kind. He chose it, not because he couldn't afford anything better, but because he wanted that kick, that burn as it went down his throat. He needed it, because for that moment his brain focused on his physical pain, and not his emotional one. For those few seconds, when the acid like drink slid down his throat and down into his stomach, and for the few seconds after that when is body was on fire, he forgot about Penny, and the baby.

He hated himself for being such a coward, for using what seemed like the easy way to forget his pain, and for hiding from Penny. He had tried, in his growingly rare sober states, to pluck up the courage to go over and see her, but each time he tried, he was hit with a gut wrenching pain in his heart. He knew the moment he saw her again, he would be hit with the biggest reminder of that day, the day he wanted to desperately leave behind him and forget about. Not only was it the day a little life was taken, but it was the day Leonard had been forced to see Penny in a state he never wanted to see her in, crippled with pain, covered with blood and with endless tears dripping from her eyes. Those images found their way into his conscious every day and every night, forcing him to drink to forget them, and he found himself begrudging the fact she had called him. He found himself wishing for something he never thought he would have wished for, that Penny would have wanted someone else. It didn't matter why she had called him, whether through convenience or instinct, he just wished that it hadn't been him, he wished it had been Sheldon, Bernadette, Amy, Howard, Raj, Brandon, _anyone_ other than him, because then he wouldn't have had to see her like that. He would have been spared the awful memory of the woman he cared most about in this world, writhing in pain while her heart and body broke down.

He shut down his laptop and reached over for the bottle, his head told him to stop, that he didn't need to keep going down this route of drinking away his troubles, but he couldn't help it. Those memories were too painful, and he needed that burn to forget them. He took a quick swig and relished the burn it gave him, before grabbing his keys and leaving his apartment, to go to the roof. This was something he found himself doing regularly at nights, as it gave him some sort of refreshment. The cold night air soothed his lungs and he would drink as he looked up at the stars, until he was too tired to look, or drink anymore.

He headed up the endless amount of stairs, feeling slightly hazy and stumbling a little, until he reached the steel door that separated the outside from the inside, but it was already open. He frowned as he looked at it, confused in his tipsy state as to why it was open at this time of night, and wondering if he had already been up here and forgotten about it. Slowly he stepped outside and saw a small figure sitting against the wall with their knees to their chin. Whoever it was hadn't noticed him, and he couldn't make out who it was either, until he heard the quiet sobs. The sound was something he hadn't heard in a while, but was etched into his memory. He knew then that it was Penny.


	18. Chapter 18

Penny hadn't noticed him standing there, and for a split second he thought about quietly turning back, but he knew it would never happen. He may hate the fact that he had all those memories of her in pain, and he knew that this would only be an addition to those memories, but he couldn't leave her alone, he never could. As much as he didn't want to add to his own pain, he, as always, felt an overwhelming need to end hers. He hated to see her cry, but he loved to make her feel better.

"Penny?" He said quietly as he stepped through the door, with his bottle of vodka in hand.

He could still barely see her in the dark night, that had only the moon and stars to give some sort of light, but he saw her turn to him and he immediately walked over to her.

"Leonard?" She said in disbelief. Part of her wanted to tell him to go away, that she wanted to be alone, but she was so glad to see him that she couldn't find the words to tell him to leave. As he walked over to her, she saw his dishevelled appearance in the soft moonlight, and she saw the half empty bottle of vodka in his hand.

"What are you doing up here?" He asked as he sat down beside her. He hadn't seen her face in what seemed like so long, and she looked exactly the same, and completely different. She was thinner, it showed in her face as her cheekbones stuck out a little more than they used too, she was pale, her eyes were raw with dark circles underneath them, and yet he could still see the beautiful woman beneath all that pain.

"I could ask you the same thing." She said sadly as she sniffled and wiped away her tears from her cheeks and then looked down at her feet over her knees that were still pressed against her chest. "I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither." Leonard replied as he crossed his legs in front of him.

"Do you come up here a lot?" She asked, turning her head towards him.

"Sometimes. The cold air…" He said quietly, trying to avoid looking into her eyes and seeing all the pain inside them. "I like it. It helps."

Leonard took a drink of his vodka, and Penny watched as he grimaced at the burn, and suddenly she was covered in guilt for what she felt she had done to him. "I'm so sorry Leonard." She said quietly as her voice cracked.

Leonard looked her in the eyes, for the first time in ages, confused as to why she would be apologising. "What are you sorry for?"

"I did this…" She croaked as tears began to fill her eyes. "This is all my fault, and I'm sorry."

Leonard couldn't believe what he was hearing, unable to fathom how she could think any of this was her fault. "Penny, this isn't your fau…" He began but Penny cut him off quickly.

"Yes it is, don't say it's not because it is." She said defiantly. "Every part of this is my fault. I was the one who seduced you, I was the one with a fiancé, I was the one who slept with the both of you, and I was the one carrying the baby…" Her voice began to crack and tears streamed down her face once more, "And I'm the one who lost it. It's all my fault." She buried her head into her knees and began sobbing hysterically.

"Penny, stop this." He said softly as he scooted closer to her and put an arm around her shoulders, and gently squeezed her arm. "Stop blaming yourself for what happened. It didn't happen because of you."

"Who else is there to blame Leonard?" She said with a hint of anger. "The baby was growing inside of me! I was the one it depended on to live and I failed…" She lowered her voice and began to sniffle away her tears as she rested her head on her knees again. "It's probably for the best… What kind of a mother would I have been if I can't even get it through its first nine months of life?"

"Penny." Leonard said softly, but firmly as he turned her head around to face him. "Why are you doing this to yourself? You know it was nothing you done that made this happen, the nurse told you that. This kind of thing happens sometimes… and for the record, you would… you _will_ be an _amazing_ mother one day."

Penny found herself almost smiling, until the next thought came into her head. "But, why?" She asked sadly. "_Why_ does this kind of thing happen?" She turned away from him again, putting her head onto her knees and before he could even reply she spoke again. "I know why, karma." She turned her head, still resting it on her knee but so she could see him. "Someone or something is punishing me, for all the bad things I've done. I'm being hurt, for all the times I've hurt you and for what I done, for what I'm _doing_ to Brandon."

"No you're not, you need to stop…"

"Then why?" She said loudly, cutting him off again. "If not karma, then what? _Why_ did this happen?" Her voice lowered again and she pleaded with him, "why did this happen to _me_?"

Leonard felt his eyes well up at her desperate question. He knew he had to tell her something, anything that would stop her blaming herself for what had happened to her. "I don't know." He answered sadly.

"You have to know, you know everything…" She said, "What is it you scientists say? Every action has a reason? Or something like that… What is the reason for this?" She begged.

Leonard raised his eyebrow slightly, "Every action has a reaction?" He smiled a little as Penny nodded. "That's one of Isaac Newton's laws of physics Penny, it doesn't really apply here."

She frowned and shrugged her shoulders, "Okay, 'everything happens for a reason' then, that's what I meant. What is the reason, Leonard?"

He sighed and rested his head against the small brick wall behind him. "Penny, what do you want me to tell you? I can give you some sort of an explanation as to why this happened, but I can't give you a _reason_ why." Penny frowned at him, confused at what he was talking about. He sighed again and rubbed his forehead, knowing that he had to give her the explanation he was talking about, but not wanting to say it, because he knew it wouldn't make her feel any better. He looked at the ground as he spoke quietly, "I've been reading up on this kind of thing, and it turns out miscarriage is quite common Penny, probably more so than you realize. The majority of them happen before twelve weeks, and have to do with chromosomal or genetic abnormalities." He looked over at Penny, she had a slight look of confusion, with her head still resting on her knees, but was listening intently to every word he said. "A baby needs the right amount of chromosomes to develop, and if it has too few, or too many, sometimes nature ends the growing process. Kind of like, nature's way of stopping your baby being born with massive birth defects." Leonard looked into her eyes that had begun to fill with tears, "There are other explanations, like infections or uterine problems… but I can't give you a reason, Penny."

Penny frowned at him, "Why not." She croaked.

"Because a reason is different. A reason isn't always the same as an explanation, reason can be… subjective." Pennys expression hadn't changed and he sighed once again as he tried to think of a better way to explain himself through his slightly fuzzed up brain. "Okay," He said turning around so that he could face her without having to turn his head. "Remember that time when you were sick and you came over to my apartment, and me and Sheldon looked after you?" Penny thought back in her mind and then nodded. "Okay, remember how we made you tea and soup and Sheldon sang to you?" She nodded again, remembering the day with fondness. "Well the explanation for us doing that was that we were helping you get better, right?" Penny nodded. "Okay and what was the reason?" Penny thought for a second and then shrugged her shoulders in confusion. "Our reasons were different. Sheldons reason for looking after you was that he had to, I made him and it fell under social protocol for when a friend is sick. But I was doing it because I wanted to, because I wanted to take care of you." They looked into each other's eyes for a moment while Pennys mind got to terms with what he was trying to explain to her. "Everyone has their own reasons for why they do something, or why something happens. It could be either positive or negative, but an explanation is just explaining a fact… If everything does indeed happen for a reason, then you have to trust that there is a _good_ reason for this, and not tell yourself it happened because you weren't good enough. You might not be able to see one now, but one day, _hopefully _you will." He said softly as she sat up straight, and he took a hold of her hand. "But I can tell you this, without a doubt, this did not happen because of you. I don't blame you, and neither does Brandon, so please, stop blaming yourself."

Penny was pretty much in awe of him at that moment. She knew that he would have some words to say that would make her feel just that little bit better, and the fact he told her with such knowledge and understanding was incredible. Just listening to him talk, so softly and with so much intelligence, using some words she barely understood, gave her such a warm feeling inside. She felt happier and more at peace at that moment than she had felt in a long time, and she done something she hadn't done in a while, she smiled. It was small and it was brief, but she smiled at him, because somehow he managed to make her happy amongst all her pain. And once again a tear rolled down her cheek, but this one was not from grief or guilt, but from relief, relief that she had finally had a small sign that at some point she would get over this ordeal, and be able to trust that it did happen for a reason, a _good_ reason that one day she will realize. She wouldn't forget, she would never forget, but she would move on, and Leonard would help her. "Thank you." She croaked quietly.

Leonard returned her small smile and sat back against the brick wall again, and then pulled her in to his chest. "No problem." He said quietly as she rested her head on him.

"Leonard, you need to promise me something." Penny said a few moments later as she spotted the half empty vodka bottle that was now facing her.

"Yeah?" Leonard replied as he gently stroked her arm with his fingertips.

Penny sat up to look him in the eyes. "You need to stop drinking that crap." She said nodding to the bottle beside him.

"I don't drink it that much Penny." He lied.

"Yes you do, Sheldon told me. I know it makes the pain easier, trust me I have used alcohol to make myself feel better plenty of times in the past, but it never works, not in the long run." Tears choked up Pennys throat, "And I don't think I would be able to handle it if you became addicted to it and ended up in the gutter. Please Leonard, promise me you will stop."

Leonard was surprised to say the least, he had never thought of himself getting addicted to alcohol, in his mind it was just something to remove the pain inside with a different kind of pain that he could deal with. But as he thought about it he realized he had been drinking every night since they had found out, one bottle of vodka lasting him around three days. He had barely been to work, and when he had, he was quite useless, nursing a recurring hangover. He wondered how long it would actually take to get addicted to it, if he was _already_ addicted, and how he was going to cope now if he stopped drinking it.

"Leonard?" Penny said a few seconds later. "Promise me." She said looking straight into his eyes.

_If _he stopped drinking it. Who was he kidding? Penny was pleading with him to stop doing it because she needed him to be sober. She _needed _him, and there was no way he would refuse her. But one thing still bothered him, "Can I ask you something first?" He asked and Penny looked a little taken back, but nodded anyway. "Why did you call me that day?"

Penny looked at him in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"You called me. Why me? Why not Brandon or anyone else? Why me?"

Penny sat back and looked at him as she considered what he was asking her. It was something she hadn't even thought about, neither at the time, or since it happened. It wasn't something she done on purpose, it was just something she done, instinctively. She was in pain, and the first person she thought would help her was him, no-one else even crossed her mind. "Because…" She hesitated as her mind debated whether to tell him this reason or not. "I don't know… I just did." She looked into his eyes and she knew it wasn't enough, he was still hurting from what he had been through with her that day, and she needed to give him her reasons for putting him through it. "You were the first one I thought of. You could have been halfway across town, in another city or another country, but you would still have been the first one I called." She spoke slowly and quietly as she felt herself well up with tears again. "I don't really know why, it was just like instinct." She kept her eyes on him as she held onto his hand. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I really am. I know it must hurt, but you should know if I'm ever in some sort of trouble again, I would probably do the same thing. Not because I want to, but because you would probably be the only one I can think of… Because I need you."

There was a moment after she stopped speaking, of pure electricity between them, as they stared at each other in the moonlight. Leonard could almost hear the cat yelping in its box to be let out once again, but he fought it. It was hard, incredibly so, but it wasn't right. They were both grieving and in search of comfort, and he knew, if he let that cat out once again, at some point it would be forced back in and he couldn't take the pain of that happening again. Not right now.

Instead, he managed an accepting nod and a smile. Her reason was good enough. He could handle those images in his mind now, knowing that they were there, not because of convenience, but because she needed him, only him, in her moment of suffering.

He pulled her back into his chest again, needing to get those eyes off of him before he let go of all control he had and kissed her. "So you promise me you will stop drinking then?" She said quietly.

"I promise." He said immediately, and they sat there in silence until the early signs of morning began to show themselves. Penny had fallen asleep in his arms, and reluctantly he gently woke her up, he knew they couldn't stay there while the city woke up, especially Penny. She had someone in her bed waiting for her, and he would more than likely freak out if he woke up and she wasn't there.

Penny groaned as she was arisen from one of the most peaceful sleeps she had had in a while. She hadn't slept long, just over an hour maybe, but she already felt much better. They stood up, and as Leonard went to grab the bottle of vodka that was lying on the floor, she took it from him and poured out every last drop. Leonard looked on in shock for a second, but didn't say anything, knowing that had the tables been turned he would have done the same thing for her. When all the drink was out of the bottle she handed it back to him with a slight smile, and they walked back down to their respective apartments together, in comfortable silence.

When they reached the fourth floor, Penny pulled him in for a hug. "Thank you Leonard." She said quietly into his ear.

Leonard squeezed her body tight to his for a second, "Thank you too." He said and then pulled away.

They then walked into their own apartments, feeling better than they had in a while. Penny was as quiet as she could be as she moved through her apartment, hoping with all hope that Brandon wasn't awake and she wouldn't have to tell him where she had been. She crept into her bedroom and saw him still lying there sleeping and she let out a sigh of relief as she walked over to the bed and slid under the covers. She curled up in her bed, finally feeling able to sleep, knowing that she had just begun her journey of recovery. Things were slowly getting better, and once again she had Leonard to thank for that, and she hoped she had helped him too. They all still had a long way to go, she knew that the grieving process was a long one, but she hoped now, at least, she would be able to sleep. Those thoughts of guilt she had been having that kept her awake, those horrible voices that would tell her she was to blame for this happening and that she was a failure, were being replaced with the voice of Leonard, telling her that she will be an amazing mother one day, that no-one blamed her, and that most importantly, this wasn't her fault at all.


	19. Chapter 19

About a week had passed since that night on the roof, Penny found herself sitting alone in her apartment. The days had started to become a little easier since that day, mainly because she was starting to get a lot more sleep than before, and she knew she had Leonard to thank for that. She still wasn't quite eating properly, still finding it hard to keep much food down and the ache in her chest was still there as she mourned, but it was getting easier to deal with. Brandon had gone back to work, which at first she was glad about, as she finally got that time alone that she needed, but now she found she had too much of it. He had only been back for three days and while the first day was a relief, on the second day she began to miss having him around all the time and now, on the third day, she was starting to feel incredibly lonely as all of her feelings of emptiness began to surface again. She needed company around her, someone to stop her being alone and thinking too much, because when her mind started to think, it began to go over all the horrible things that had happened to her.

So, she took a deep breath, and decided to go next door. Not just because Leonard would be there, but Sheldon too. They were her friends, and she missed them and the good times they had in that apartment deeply. She grabbed her keys and headed out to the hall, knocked once on 4a and then walked inside. Sheldon was sitting in his spot with his laptop on his knees, engrossed in some game.

"Hey Sheldon. Is Leonard here?" She asked scanning the room.

Sheldon paused the game and looked up at Penny. "No. He went to get dinner." He said and then turned back to his game.

"Oh, do you know when he will be back?" She asked as she went to sit on the sofa.

He paused the game once again and looked at her. "He will be back when he has got the dinner." He said and then returned to the game again.

Penny sighed as she sat back on the couch. She was disappointed Leonard wasn't there, but she suddenly remembered how much fun it was to wind up Sheldon. "Whatcha playing?"

Sheldon let out a frustrated sigh as he paused his game again and turned to her. "Call of Duty."

"With zombies?" She asked with a scrunched up face, looking at his computer screen.

"Yes."

Penny slowly nodded and when he had begun his game again she said, "Can I play?"

"You don't know how to play." He said as he looked at his computer.

Penny shrugged. "You could teach me."

"No."

"Oh come on!" Penny protested. "I bet you're just scared in case I'm better than you at it!"

"Penny, I have been playing this game a long time, I seriously doubt you will be better than me at it!"

"Oh really? I'm pretty sure you thought that about Halo. And that other one…" She traced her mind back in time, "Age of Conan!"

Sheldon sighed and paused his game again as he turned to her. "You weren't better than me at Age of Conan, you were at a level far below me, and you only got there because I helped you. And Halo… Well that was just beginners luck!"

"Well then there's nothing wrong with you letting me play with you is there? If there is _obviously_ no chance I would beat you!"

Sheldon pondered Pennys suggestion in his mind for a while before giving in, knowing full well that she wouldn't leave him alone if he didn't. "Okay, go get Leonards laptop."

Penny let out a little squeal as she headed to Leonards desk and took his laptop. She sat down in Leonards chair, crossed her legs and turned it on. She started up the game and Sheldon stood beside her as he taught her all she needed to know about how to play the game, until she was satisfied she understood what to do. "Okay! Time to kick your butt Dr. Cooper!"

Sheldon frowned and shook his head, and they began to play each other at the game. Sheldon flew way ahead of her on the kill front at first, but only until Penny began to get the hang of what she was doing, and slowly but surely caught up to him. Things got extremely heated as they battled one another, Penny shouting loud curses every time she got shot and Sheldon doing the same, except with less swearing.

When Leonard arrived home from the takeout and walked into his apartment, he was met with a sight he thought he would never see again. Penny was on his chair, on his laptop and screaming some serious abuse at the computer screen. Sheldon was on his spot with a huge grin on his face celebrating some sort of win. Neither of them noticed that he had walked in the door, until he slammed it behind him to get their attention.

"Hello Leonard." Sheldon said with a grin.

"Hey Leonard." Penny said quickly and then turned to Sheldon. "That wasn't fair you can't shoot me from behind!"

"I'll think you will find that I can." Sheldon replied smugly.

"What are you two playing?" Leonard asked, with a confused frown as he put the takeout food on the kitchen counter.

"Call of Duty." They replied in unison.

"And I am, to paraphrase Penny, 'kicking her butt'" Sheldon said triumphantly.

"Yeah by like 4 kills!" Penny protested. "Just you wait and see I will catch up easily!"

They both returned to their game, concentrating hard as they tried to find each other in the game, while Leonard set out some food, still not quite believing what he was seeing, but in no hurry to stop it. Penny was happier right now than he had seen her in a long time, and it was a relief for him to see that she was finally beginning to move on.

A few minutes later, Howard and Raj burst through the door, and upon seeing Penny and Sheldon, stopped dead in their tracks with looks of utter bewilderment, much like Leonard had, and once again, neither Penny nor Sheldon really took any notice of their arrival. Howard then spotted Leonard in the kitchen and walked over, closely followed by Raj, who was now rendered mute due to Pennys presence, although the expression on his face spoke a million words.

"Am I going crazy or is that Penny and Sheldon sitting over there playing a game?" Howard asked.

Leonard let out a brief chuckle. "You aren't going crazy. They are playing Call of Duty. Trust me I was shocked when I saw them too."

"What does this mean? Is she better?"

"I don't know. I doubt she is fully recovered, but maybe she is starting to move on a little." Leonard said as he began to pull out the food from the bags. "Let's just act normal okay? Don't mention anything that might upset her, just… I don't know… act like you would if she wasn't even here. She might be looking for some sort normality again, so let's give it to her. Yeah?" He said looking to each one of his friends, each of whom nodded their agreement and began to help him bring all of the food over.

As they did, Penny began to cheer, as Sheldon simultaneously groaned at his screen. "39-41! Told you I would beat you! Who's your daddy Sheldon? Who's your daddy?!" Penny yelled triumphantly as she waved her hands in the air in front of Sheldon.

Sheldon glared at her, "Well obviously not you considering you are a woman, and my father lives in Texas." He said with a frown and then crossed his arms. "And that was just beginners luck… again."

Penny grinned and then turned her attention away from Sheldon to sniff the air. "Oohh, something smells good."

Leonard nodded, "Italian food, do you want some? We have pasta, pizza… garlic bread."

"Mmmm, I'll have some pizza please." She said and Leonard put a plate together and handed it to her, before taking a chair and sitting down beside her. "Thank you. Now, Sheldon, rematch?" She said as she stuffed her face with food.

Sheldon was about to say no, but his ego wouldn't let him. He couldn't give in, he had to beat her. "Fine, let's go." He said as he focused back on the game.

They began to play once again as Penny scoffed away at her pizza, and still managed to beat Sheldon at his own game. The other guys talked among themselves as Penny and Sheldon played, stopping every now and then to listen to them yell at each other, and laugh.

About ten minutes later, Penny rejoiced as she once again bet Sheldon, and Sheldon turned his computer off and then sat with his arms crossed, in an obvious huff.

Penny giggled as she turned off Leonards laptop and sat it on the table, before laying back and resting her hand on her full stomach. "Oh my God, I'm stuffed."

"Yeah, that's what she said!" Raj joked, his second beer beginning to have some effect on him.

"You're disgusting Raj," Penny said, while trying to hold back a little smirk. "So what now boys? What night is it? Vintage video game night? Comic book night? Halo night?"

"It is Halo night, and Halo only requires four people, so you will have to leave." Sheldon said.

"What? Really?" She asked with a squeal.

"She doesn't have to leave Sheldon. We will just play something else." Leonard said.

Sheldon began to protest, but gave in when he saw everyone was against him. "Fine." He said glumly.

"So what do you want to play Penny?" Leonard asked.

"Oh I know what we should play!" Raj exclaimed before Penny could even say a word. "Giant Jenga! I still haven't had a go at that yet!"

"Yeah! That sounds good I want to play that!" Penny said as she sat up on the chair.

"Ok, Howard can you come and help me get it out? I think I put it in my room somewhere." Leonard asked and Howard got up off the sofa and followed Leonard down the hall.

Penny sat excitedly on the chair as she waited on the boys to return with the game. She explored the room with her eyes as she sat there, noticing some little differences from the last time she had been there. There were some new collectables and general nerdy stuff and Penny found herself smiling, suddenly realizing how much she had missed being in this apartment, with these geeky boys.

Her eyes scanned around until she looked at the table beside Sheldon and spotted a Rubix cube that had been completed. She reached out, picked it up and then studied it for a second. "Did you complete this?" She asked Sheldon.

"Yes, it took me half an hour." He said sounding disappointed.

"Half on hour!" Penny replied in shock.

"Yes, I know, it's pretty pathetic. I used to be able to do it in ten minutes."

Pennys eyes widened, "Wow." And then a mischievous grin came over her face, and she began to move the squares around, completely messing up all the colours.

Sheldon merely looked at her and then the cube before saying, "Penny, it would take me only half an hour to put that back the way it was, let's see how long it would take you to do it."

Pennys grin faded upon not getting quite the reaction she had expected. "I can't do it!" She said looking at the brick with complete bewilderment.

"Can't do what?" Leonard asked as he and Howard brought in some big Jenga bricks.

"This." She said holding up the cube.

"Yes you can, it's not that hard." Leonard said with a shrug as he set the bricks down and began to put them up.

"Yeah it's not that hard for you! I think you are forgetting I'm no genius!"

"You don't need to be a genius to do it! Have you even tried it?" He asked and she shook her head sheepishly. "Well try it first before you say you can't do it." He said with a grin, before heading back out to collect more bricks.

Howard and Leonard continued to bring out the bricks from Leonards room, while Sheldon and Raj got up and helped to set it up, and Penny sat fiddling with the cube.

The game didn't take long to set up and before they knew it they were ready to play. Sheldon grabbed his hard hat and each person took their turn, until it came to Penny, who had barely noticed the game had started as she sat with the cube in her hand and a constant frown of confusion.

"Penny!" Raj said. "It's your turn!"

Penny looked up, "Oh, sorry." She said and she took her turn, taking one brick with one hand and setting it on top of the tower.

"How are you getting on?" Leonard asked when she sat back down and began to move the cube around.

"Not great. It's so confusing!"

Leonard giggled and went and sat down on the arm of the chair, "Do you want a tip?"

"Yes please!" She said enthusiastically.

"Okay," He said as he took the cube from her. "The easiest way to do this, is to do it in layers, not sides." He began to rotate the cube as he spoke, "You should start with a cross on the top layer, like that see, now the top side has a cross and each other side as two cubes in place." Penny looked at the cube, and at Leonard, with utter confusion as he then continued on turning the cube around, until one layer was done. "There, I have started it off for you." He said handing it back to her.

"How the hell did you just do that?" She said as she took it back off of him.

"Practice." He said with a smile, as he stood up and went to take his turn of the Jenga tower.

Before long, the tower was much bigger than Howard, Raj, Leonard and Penny. Sheldon was the only one who could reach the top without standing on a chair like the rest of them.

On Pennys turn, she put down her cube and stood, staring at the fragile tower, and realized that the only brick she could take was one slightly above her head. She took a deep breath, "This is going to be difficult." She said as the rest of the group waited on her to take her turn. Slowly, she reached up on her tiptoes and began to take the brick from its space, with incredible concentration on her face.

When the brick was almost half way out, Leonard pulled out his phone. He waited a few seconds, and while Penny was completely focused on the brick, he pressed down on his phone and yelled, "OH MY GOD!" as he set off one of his alarms.

"Ahh!" Penny screamed, put her hand to her ears and jumped back causing the brick she was trying to take out to fall, bringing the rest of the tower to the floor with it. She looked around the room, to see what caused the noise, and noticed everyone in fits of laughter.

"YOU LOSE!" Sheldon shouted happily, glad that he wouldn't be beaten at another game by Penny.

Pennys face turned from horror to anger, "YOU!" She said as she pointed at Leonard.

Leonard laughed as he hid his phone. "Wasn't me!" He said innocently.

"Ugh." Penny scoffed. "Obviously it was you. Your girly yell is unmistakeable!" She said as she grabbed one of his figures from his desk and threw it at him. "You little asshole!" She giggled as she threw another one at him.

"Oww! That one hurt." He said as the figure hit him on the arm.

"Yeah well so is this." She said as she ran towards him. Leonard was caught off guard and turned to run, but ran into his chair instead, hitting his knee off the edge and falling to the floor. Penny ran to him, held him down and began to punch him on the arm, playfully, but still with quite some force.

"Ow, ow , ow!" Leonard said after each punch and Penny just giggled and continued to hit him.

"This is what happens when you cheat!" She said as she continued to punch him and giggle.

"Seriously dude… Getting beaten up by a woman…" Raj said as the rest of them laughed. "That is so not cool!"

"She's strong!" He protested.

"Yeah right." Howard said.

"Hey, do you want some of this too?" Penny said holding up her fists to him.

Howard stepped back holding his hands up and shaking his head and Leonard used that moment while she was distracted to push her off of him and stand up, rubbing his arm while Penny laughed. Leonard watched her as she giggled on the floor for a few seconds, enjoying the sound he hadn't heard in so long. He then reached out his hand to help her up, and they began to set up the Jenga tower for another game, this time without Penny, since she lost the first round. Penny wasn't bothered though, she just sat in Leonards chair and got back to work on her Rubix cube.

The boys played, and after a while it was down to just Howard and Sheldon. Penny managed to get her own back on Leonard by making him fall into the tower on his turn, and Raj had become too drunk to stand steady enough to put the blocks on the top of the tower, and decided he would rather play one of the dancing games on the Xbox Kinect anyway.

Leonard sat on the arm of his chair, watching Sheldon and Howard as he sipped on a beer.

"Leonard, I'm stuck." Penny said sadly as she held out the cube.

Leonard turned around and smiled. "Yeah, well, you should have thought of that before you decided to punch the crap out of my arm."

Penny giggled, "I'm sorry!" She wailed. "Will you help me?" She said as she pouted her bottom lip.

Leonard took another sip of his beer and shook his head.

"Ugh! Why are you being so mean?"

Leonard giggled and turned around to her. "I'm not being mean. I already helped you, if I help you again, then next time you are stuck you will just come to me to do the next bit and then the next bit until the whole thing is finished, and then you wouldn't really have completed it will you?"

Penny slumped back on the chair. "I guess not." She said as she looked at the cube.

"You will get it eventually." He said as he put a hand to her knee and gave her a smile.

Penny smiled back at him and then let out a rather large yawn. She stretched out her arms and legs and then relaxed again. "What time is it?"

"Nine thirty." Leonard replied after looking at his watch.

"Really?" Penny said shocked. "Where did the time go?" She asked rhetorically. "I think I should go home."

Leonard smiled his agreement since she really did look exhausted, but inside he really didn't want her to go. They hadn't spent much time together lately that didn't involve some sort of drama, and it was nice, seeing her be so happy and carefree for a while. "Yeah, Brandon will probably be wondering where you are."

Penny shook her head. "He's working late tonight. He probably won't be back for another hour or so."

"Oh…" He said as he looked down at his beer and ran his thumb around the top of it.

"YES!" Howard yelled in the background as he watched the tower fall while Sheldon had his hand up to place a brick on the top.

"NOOOOOOO!" He yelled and everyone else laughed, except from Raj, who was dancing in front of the television.

"Right, I am leaving before Sheldon has a fit!" Penny said as she stood up from the chair. "This was fun." She said as she smiled at Leonard and ruffled his hair. "Sorry about your arm." She said with a grin that told him she wasn't sorry at all. "Bye guys." She shouted as she headed for the door.

"Bye Penny!" They all replied.

"Wait!" Leonard shouted as he headed after her with the cube in hand. "Take this with you. You won't be able to finish it if it's left over here." He smiled as he handed it to her, hoping she would take it from him. He wanted her to have it, not just so that she would finish it, but because he knew she was going home to an empty apartment, and he knew all too well how bad thoughts ate you up when you were on your own. He hoped that by giving her the cube, it would give her something to focus on in those moments when she was alone, to stop her from delving into her thoughts too much.

Penny smiled as she took it from him. "Thanks, I'll give it back to you when I'm done." She said and turned to leave.

In the background she heard Sheldon say, "Great, looks like we have to buy a new Rubix cube, because I doubt we will be getting that one back."

"Shut up Sheldon!" She yelled as she closed the apartment door.

Penny grinned as she looked at the cube, while making her way to her own apartment, and then suddenly she stopped as she made a conscious note of the fact she was grinning in the first place. A moment of guilt hit her as she realized that for all those hours she spent in that apartment, she had completely forgotten about what had happened to her. She felt like she shouldn't be feeling this happy yet since only a few weeks had passed, but she somehow managed to let the feeling of guilt pass. Tonight was the first time in a long time she had had a night that was so carefree, and deep down she knew that that was a good thing. She had loved spending the night hanging out in that apartment with them all, it was like the old times, just her and her nerdy boys playing silly games and messing around. There was no reason she couldn't be happy right now, and she shouldn't feel guilty about having fun, because like Leonard said, 'This wasn't her fault.'


	20. Chapter 20

The next day, Penny decided that she needed to go back to work. Brandon had suggested it a few days ago to her, and she had said it was too early, but now she finally felt like she would be able to do it. It would be another step for her in the journey of getting her life back to normal, and she knew she had to take that step at some point. She called up her boss at The Cheesecake Factory and they agreed that she would go back to work part-time, only doing a few hours each day until she felt ready to go back full-time. She was nervous about going back at first, but she soon started to feel some excitement at the prospect of getting back to normality. She was also looking forward to seeing her co-workers again, but part of her worried about the way they would treat her now as she would no longer just be 'Penny', she would be 'Penny – the girl that lost her baby', and she knew that they would tiptoe around her and that was something she desperately didn't want. But she pushed past her fears, and with much encouragement from Brandon, Leonard and the rest of her friends, she headed back to work a few days later.

The first day back was odd, it took her a while to get used to how everything worked again after being away for so long, but after a couple of hours, it was like she had never left. Her co-workers had been sensitive around her at first too, but as soon as Penny began to act as normal, everyone else began to treat her just as they had before. Those hours she spent at work were like a relief to her, taking her away from all the memories that her apartment held, and allowing her to focus solely on serving food and nothing else, and it had actually turned her into a much more competent waitress. Of course, she still had some days when she would return from work to an empty apartment, and find herself breaking down, longing for what she had lost, but those moments had become less frequent, turning into brief moments of raw emotion, rather than her being in a constant state of depression, and even when those moments hit, she found comfort in the 4x4 Rubix cube, using that as a distraction from her pain.

Brandon didn't really understand how all of a sudden she was getting better, but he didn't really care why, all that mattered to him was that she _was_ getting better. He too had found it extremely hard to cope with the loss, but he wasn't the emotional type. He kept his feelings locked inside and that had become a downfall for him, because Penny often roared at him for not caring. He did though, and he tried to tell her he did, but she wouldn't listen through her aggravated yells. But those fights had become less frequent and they were starting to get back to where they used to be, although Brandon wasn't sure that was such a good thing either. Something was bothering her before this happened and he hadn't forgotten it. He wasn't going to bring it up, not now, but he knew there was still something she was keeping from him and he hated that she wouldn't let him into her head fully. She would cut him off as soon as he would try and ask her how she was feeling and it hurt, because he felt like he should be the one she talked to about these kinds of things. So he told himself he would wait, until she was completely recovered, before he asked her, once again, to tell her what was bothering her.

Penny didn't really notice how much she was distancing herself from Brandon, she simply put the fact she hadn't seen him much down to the fact they had both started going to work again. Things had actually been going so well at work for her, that her boss asked her to do a bar shift and she agreed. It was a Wednesday night, so she knew it would be quiet, which she knew would be hard, but what was at home was even harder to deal with. Brandon was off tonight, and although she hated to admit it, she would rather spend her evening at work, bored and alone, than with him, simply because she was scared of spending much time alone with him for fear of all those guilt ridden emotions she had felt before coming to the surface again.

So instead of spending the night with her fiancé, she went to work, armed with her Rubix cube to keep her company. The night was just like she had expected, for the first hour she spent her time clearing glasses, cleaning them and wiping down the bar, and before long she was completely bored, so she decided to pull a barstool around to her side of the bar, sit down, and play with her Rubix cube. She sat on her stool and focused intently on the cube, almost completely forgetting that she was even in work as she got lost in the squares, eventually completing one side.

"Yes!" She said triumphantly to herself, while doing a little dance on her stool. She took a quick glance around the room, feeling relieved as she noticed that no-one was around to see her silly dance and then had a look at the side she had just completed, and thought about how she couldn't wait to show Leonard her accomplishment. She glanced at her watch and groaned upon seeing that it was only nine and she had at least three more hours of work left. She had only been at work for an hour and a half, and yet she felt she had been there all night. She gave the bar another quick clean, before sitting back down on her stool and working away at her cube again.

"Excuse me can we have some service over here please?" A squeaky voice said in the background.

Penny frowned and looked up to see who was interrupting her game, and then jumped off her stool and squealed with joy when she saw Bernadette and Amy standing at the bar with huge grins on their faces.

"Girls!" She squealed as she went over to them and hugged them over the bar. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, we heard you were working tonight," Bernadette began, "And we remembered how you would always complain about the weeknights being quiet, so we decided to come over for a few drinks!"

"Yes, we have missed our girl time with you bestie!" Amy said with a smile.

"Aww." Penny said with a head tilt. "I've missed you guys too. What would you like to drink? Wine?"

Both girls nodded enthusiastically and Penny put her cube on the table and turned around to get some glasses and pour them a couple of drinks.

"I have to say Penny, I didn't have you down as the type to play with a Rubix cube." Bernadette giggled.

Penny turned back to the girls and handed them their drinks. "Yeah, neither did I." She said with a giggle as she pulled her stool over so she could sit down in front of her friends. "But I found it at the guys' apartment and I haven't been able to put it down since."

"Ah, yes, Sheldon told me how you ruined his Halo night and he was forced to play Giant Jenga instead!" Amy said.

"Yeah." Penny giggled.

"We also heard how you gave poor Leonard a bruised arm." Bernadette said with a grin.

"He deserved it! He cheated at Jenga!" She said with a smile.

"So how is Brandon doing these days?" Bernadette asked, knowing exactly where she wanted this conversation to go. She was no fool, Howard had told her how flirty she and Leonard had been that day in his apartment, and she still remembered that night Penny told them she was pregnant. She still remembered that look she had when she spoke about Leonard, and she had an idea of what it meant, but she wanted to hear it from Penny herself.

"Um… He's ok, I guess." She said with a shrug, before getting up off her stool and pouring herself a glass of wine.

"Should you really be drinking while you work?" Amy asked.

"Well, not really, but you two are the only two people here. So, I won't tell if you don't" She said with a smirk and Amy grinned then nodded and continued to sip her wine.

"So, how have you been lately?" Bernadette asked, "You seem like you are much better."

"Yeah, I am." She said, looking down at her cube. "I still have my bad days, but it's getting easier. Especially now since I got this to focus on!" She said holding up the cube.

"Good, I'm glad." Bernadette giggled and then noticed that Penny was sitting, staring blankly at her cube and knew that now would be as good a time as ever to ask her what she wanted to know. "Penny, can I ask you something?" Bernadette asked softly.

Penny panicked a little inside, knowing by the tone of her voice, that whatever she had to ask her wasn't going to be something that she could answer easily. "Yeah?" She said cautiously.

"Why are you working tonight? I know you said that working keeps your mind off things, but… there's hardly any work to do here." Bernadette said looking around the room. She waited a few seconds, while Penny looked around and thought for a second. "Is this got something to do with Brandon?"

Penny frowned, "What do you mean?"

"We know he is off tonight, we went by your apartment to see you and he's the one who told us you were working here tonight." Amy said.

"So that begs the question, why would you rather go to work, on an evening where you know you will be bored out of your mind, than spend the night with him?" Bernadette asked slowly, noticing as she spoke that Pennys eyes were becoming glazed over with tears. She reached a hand out to touch Pennys. "What's going on Penny? Talk to us, please."

Penny knew that at some point this question would arise, but she had always thought it would come from Brandon, and she hadn't thought it would come this soon. She had thought she had been hiding her doubts well, but obviously not. She took a shaky breath as her mind went over how she should answer the question. "It's… complicated."

"We're listening." Amy said.

Penny sighed, and put her head in her hands. There was no more hiding for her anymore, she knew now that she had to be honest with them, and although she was scared about telling them the truth, part of her was relieved that she would be able to get everything off her chest. She knew that these girls would be the best people to tell first, because she knew that her girls would listen, and not judge.

She took her hands away from her face, took a deep breath and then a sip of her wine. "I cheated on him." She said, the words cracking because of the lump in her throat.

"Oh, Penny." Bernadette said quietly as she took a hold of her hand again.

"That's not all." Penny said. "…It was with Leonard."

Bernadette and Amy looked at each other for a second and then back at Penny. Amy was about to say something, but Penny waved her hand in front of her and shook her head, knowing she had to get all this out before she lost her nerve. "I'm still not finished." She said with a croak. "The baby…" She put her hands to her face again, and spoke quietly into them. "It might have been his."

Bernadette and Amy looked at each other again, but this time they were completely shocked. They had discussed that they thought Penny was having feelings for Leonard again, and that she may have even cheated on Brandon with him, but they had never envisioned this.

"I've made such a mess." Penny choked out before bursting into tears.

"Oh, bestie." Amy said before going around to Pennys side of the bar, and pulling her in for a hug, while Penny was still sitting on the stool. Penny broke down in Amys arms, and rested her head on her shoulder.

"You should have told us Penny. I can't believe you have been keeping this to yourself for so long." Bernadette said as she stroked Pennys arm while Amy clung on to her. Penny nodded her agreement into Amys shoulder and a few seconds later Amy pulled away from her.

"Thank you Amy." She said as she sniffed her tears away. "I needed that."

Amy smiled at her and then headed back around to her own seat beside Bernadette. "Does Brandon know?"

Penny shook her head, "no." She said quietly. "I was going to tell him a while ago, but then…" A lump formed in her throat, "You know."

Bernadette and Amy didn't know what to say next. They had so many questions for her, but they weren't sure what to ask first. "And does Leonard know the baby might have been his?" Amy asked and Penny nodded slowly. "Penny, do you still have feelings for Leonard?"

Penny looked up at Amy, slightly surprised by the question and the forwardness of it, but then again, that was just how Amy was. Penny took a few moments to think of her answer, but her mind only offered up a whole lot of confusion. "I don't know…" She said honestly, before taking another sip of her wine.

"And what about Brandon?" Bernadette asked. "You are supposed to be marrying him, do you still want to?"

Penny felt an ache in her chest as she was being forced to face up to the feelings that had been niggling at her for so long. "I care about him, I really do… He is _such_ a great guy…" She said looking down. "He has put up with so much crap from me lately. I _should_ want to marry him…" She said sadly.

"But you don't?" Bernadette said.

Tears began to fall from Pennys eyes as she shook her head. "No." She said quietly. "I did. I'm sure I did before… I just… I don't know what happened. I loved him… I think." She wiped away her tears and gulped down the rest of her wine. "I guess I just… fell out of love…" She stayed quiet for a moment and so did the girls, neither of them daring to speak. "I really did try to tell him, but then _that_ happened and well, breaking up with him was the last thing I was thinking about." She said and then topped up hers, and the girls' glasses.

"You need to tell him now Penny, you know that right?" Bernadette said.

"I know." Penny said with a nod. "It's just hard, you know. I'm pretty much going to be telling him the baby he was grieving for might not have been his. He is going to be… crushed, and angry… Ugh he is going to be so mad. He's going to hate me." She said as she hung her head.

"We know it's going to be hard, Penny. But this isn't fair to him, he needs to know. It isn't fair to you either, to keep this secret, and it's not fair on Leonard." Amy said as she held Pennys hand.

"I know…" She said sadly. "I know. Leonard…" She said slowly as her eyes glazed over. "He really has been so good through all of this. He's been like, like a rock." She said with a little smile that didn't go unnoticed.

"Penny, do you still have feelings for him?" Bernadette asked again.

"I already told you I don't know." Penny said.

"I know you did, but I want you to think about it. _Really_ think about it, and give us a better answer than that."

And so she did. She thought about it, she thought over everything that had happened over the past few weeks, about everything that had ever happened between them, and yet, she was met with the same conclusion. "I don't know." Bernadette gave her a glare and Penny continued. "I really don't Bernie. I'm so confused." She said taking a sip from her wine. "I thought I was in love with Brandon didn't I? I thought I wanted to marry him…" She looked down at her glass. "Who's to say that whatever I feel, or think I feel for Leonard, is real. What if I think I love him and then… I don't. I can't do that to him, I can't hurt him like that."


	21. Chapter 21

Penny sat alone in her apartment, nervously playing with her Rubix cube while she awaited Brandon coming home from work. Her talk with the girls the night before had really brought home to her how badly she had to tell Brandon what had gone on, and she decided she had to get it over with. She had already put it off for too long, although that wasn't really her fault, she did have all the best intentions of telling him about Leonard before she ended up in the hospital. And like she had said to the girls, the past few weeks were spent grieving for her loss, barely thinking about anyone else.

She had hardly slept the night before as her mind went through everything her and the girls had discussed, and the one thing that kept on popping up in her head, other than what she was going to say to Brandon, was Leonard. Her head constantly went over the question they had asked her, about whether she had feelings for him or not, and she hated that she couldn't even read her own heart. They were so close, like best-friends, yet they were so much more than that. He was so important to her, and these past few weeks had really shown her just how much she needed him in her life, but that was what bothered her. The fact that they were so close, and that she almost depended on having him around, meant that she was terrified of losing him. So terrified, that it made her cautious about making any sort of leap with him, just in case something went wrong, and she lost him forever. She still didn't quite understand what her feelings for him meant, she didn't know if all she wanted from him was friendship, or something more, all she knew was that she didn't want to lose her best friend. She no longer trusted her feelings anymore, and so even when she thought hard about how she felt, she still had doubts. She no longer believed whatever her heart may tell her, because what she thought it had told her before, helped bring her to this mess. She had trusted her heart when she thought it told her she was in love with Brandon, and yet she wondered now if she ever did. She couldn't do to Leonard, what she had done to Brandon. She had to find some way of figuring out what she really felt for him, she just had no idea where to start.

Penny sat back in her sofa with her cube in hand, as her mind raced through all of those thoughts of Leonard, again. She sat in another world, lost in her thoughts, until she heard the lock on her door open, and Brandon walked in. Her heart sunk when she saw how happy he seemed as he greeted her with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.

"How has your day been, honey?" Brandon asked as he took his jacket off and put it in the bedroom.

"Good." She said with absolutely no emotion.

"You're still addicted to that cube huh?" He said with a slight chuckle as he walked back out of the bedroom and over to the fridge.

"Uh… yeah." She said blankly as she looked at the cube in her hand and put it on the coffee table. "Brandon, we need to talk."

Brandon took out a bottle of water and shut the fridge door behind him, "That doesn't sound good." He said quietly. He walked over to the sofa and sat down beside her, noticing a few tears in her eyes. Brandon took a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever she had to say. "Ok…" He said as he sat back in the sofa, "What's wrong?"

Penny blinked back her tears and took a breath. "There's something I have to tell you…" She said as he looked her in her eyes, waiting patiently to hear what she had to say. Penny took another shaky breath and Brandon reached out to touch her hand encouragingly. "This isn't going to be easy to hear… Just please remember I care about you, and I never, ever meant to hurt you."

"Penny, you are freaking me out." He said as he sat up straight and squeezed her hand. "Please just tell me."

"I… I…" Penny sighed as the words caught in her throat. She coughed to clear it and took another breath to calm her racing heart. "I slept with someone else."

Brandon immediately let go of Pennys hand and looked at her in shock. "What?" He said quietly. He had known something was going on with her, but he had never thought she had cheated on him. The most he had thought was that she was having doubts about the wedding and they would have to postpone it, but never this… He had never thought that she would cheat on him, he thought she loved him.

Penny stayed quiet, knowing that she didn't need to repeat herself, because she knew he had heard her loud and clear.

"When?" He asked a few moments later.

Brandon kept his eyes focused on hers and she hated it, because they showed her all the hurt he was feeling inside as they began to tear up. She had never really seen much emotion from him, and seeing him on the verge of tears was heart-breaking. "A couple of weeks after we got engaged." She said sadly.

Brandon exhaled loudly and hung his head, before getting up and walking around the apartment. He was quiet, so quiet that it scared her. She wanted to know what he was thinking, but she didn't want to speak. And then suddenly he stopped pacing and he looked over at her. "Oh my God." He said quietly. He bent over and put his arms on the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. "Was the baby mine Penny?"

Pennys stomach turned, not only at having to answer that question, but because of the blatant reminder of what she had lost. She looked down at her hands that were fidgeting nervously in front of her and closed her eyes as tears began to fill them, "I don't know." She croaked. Brandon exhaled and rested his head on the back of the sofa. "Brandon, I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you earlier…" She said through sobs, "But then I lost it and… I just couldn't, I didn't want to hurt you anymore."

"And you don't think this is hurting me now?" He said. His words muffled into the sofa cushion.

"I know it is. I'm sorry." She said, not daring to look up at him.

"Are you?" He said turning his head to look at her. "Are you really?"

"What do you mean? Of course I am!" She said, finally looking up to him and seeing the tears run down his cheek.

"Really? Why?" He said as he stood up and began to pace the floor again. "Are you sorry because you want me to forgive you, so that we can try and continue with this relationship?" Anger began to fill his tone, but he was still speaking rather quietly. "Or are you just sorry that you didn't tell me, and you don't really care whether I stay with you or not?" Brandon said, still pacing the floor.

Penny just looked at him, unsure of what to say although she was sure her silence told him more than he needed to know.

"I guess that means you don't really care." He said as he sat on the chair beside the window. "Do you even love me Penny? Did you ever want to marry me?" He said sadly as his eyes filled with tears again.

Penny looked down at her hands, the pain in his voice becoming a little too much to bear. "I did. I don't know what happened, Brandon. I did want to marry you, I'm sure I did…" She sniffled as tears began to run down her cheeks. "I meant it when I said I care about you. I really do, you are a great guy, I just… I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry."

The room was silent, and all that could be heard was Pennys quiet sobs.

"Who was it?" He asked quietly, barely breaking the silence that had filled the room.

"Does it matter?" She asked quietly in return.

"Of course it matters!" He said, his voice becoming noticeably louder. "This man could have been the father to a baby that I thought was mine!" His face became red with anger. "Of course it fucking matters!" He banged his fist down onto the table and stood up, making Penny jump and turn around to face him. "Do I know him?"

Penny panicked. Brandon was becoming furious and although she knew she should tell him, she was terrified of what he might do. She had never seen him this angry before, and although she knew he wasn't the violent type, she really didn't want to take the chance that he may do something out of rage that would hurt Leonard.

"Who is it Penny?!" He yelled.

Her silence was having the worst effect on his anger, the longer she kept quiet the angrier he became, but still she didn't want to tell him. Brandon was a pretty big guy and Leonard would have no chance against him if he decided his revenge was best served with a swift punch to the face. "Brandon please, calm down." She said, in a desperate attempt to get him to stop yelling.

"How the hell am I supposed to be calm Penny?!" He yelled. He then stopped pacing the floor and rested his hands on the arm of the sofa. He looked over at Penny, who still hadn't moved from her spot, and she saw all the anger, mixed with distraught tears, in his eyes. He took a few deep breaths as he stood, bent over, with his hands on the armrest, before speaking again, with much less anger than before. "Who was it Penny?"

"This wasn't his fault." She said quietly. "It was mine, okay?"

Brandon closed his eyes, "Who was it?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"Promise me you won't hurt him." She croaked.

"Tell me Penny." He said with his eyes still closed.

"That wasn't a promise."

Brandon shot his eyes open and glared at her. "I won't hurt him. Tell me."

Penny wasn't sure if he was telling the truth, but she knew she couldn't hold him off much longer, or else he would just get angrier. She sighed and looked away from him, back down to her hands again. "Leonard." She said quietly, almost hoping he hadn't heard her.

"I knew it!" He yelled, pushing himself away from the sofa again. "I knew you were going to say him!" He said as he furiously pointed his finger at her. "Was it just the once? Or was this some sort of affair that was going on behind my back?!"

"It was just the once." Penny replied as her tears once again began to fall.

"And he knew that baby could have been his?" He shouted as his face became red with fury again.

Penny nodded her head and then looked up and saw that he was just about to leave the apartment. "Wait! Where are you going?" She shouted as she jumped up from the sofa and ran to stand in front of him, blocking his way.

"I'm going to speak to Leonard." He said, pushing past Penny and storming across the hall.


	22. Chapter 22

"No you're not!" Penny yelled as she once again ran ahead of him and stood in front of Leonards door.

"Penny let me past." He barked.

"No." She said defiantly, pushing him back by his chest. There was no way she was going to let him speak to Leonard, because she didn't want to take the chance that he was going to do more than talk.

"I just want to talk to him Penny!" He yelled.

"No you don't!" She yelled back. "You want to hurt him, and I won't let you! So if you want to get to him, you are going to have to go through me." Brandon stared at her with anger in his eyes and Penny stared back, letting him know she wasn't going to back down.

They stared at each other for a few seconds as adrenaline rushed through their bodies, making their heaving chests the only sound in the hallway, until Leonard opened his door.

"What's all the…" He began before cutting himself off as Penny and Brandon stared back at him. Both of them looked angry, yet they both had tears falling from their eyes and he instantly knew what was going on. She had told him, finally.

"You knew." Brandon said with venom, looking past Penny and into Leonards eyes. "You knew that baby might have been yours… You both did, and none of you thought to tell me. You just kept on pretending… lying to me, letting me think that I was about to have a happy family." Brandons anger had seemingly disappeared and he looked distraught for a second before barking at Leonard again. "How long did you know?"

"I told him a couple of days after I told you." Penny said, speaking before Leonard could. "This wasn't his fault Brandon. He told me to tell you as soon as I told him. It was me that took so long."

Brandon looked from Leonard to Penny and then shook his head. "Do you want to be with him now?" He yelled, as he noticed how protective she was being over him and his anger began so boil up again. "Is that why you are telling me all this now? Did you… Did you want the baby to be his?"

Penny was speechless. She had no idea what to say, she honestly didn't even know the answer to that question. "No!" She yelled back at him when she finally found the words, while Leonard stood in his doorway, still quite bewildered by what was going on in front of him. "I don't know what I wanted, and even if I did, it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference because there is no baby anymore!"

Silence fell upon that hallway once more, until Brandon turned away and headed back into the apartment. Penny turned to look at Leonard for a second, apologising with her eyes for what had just happened, and as she was about to follow Brandon into her apartment, Leonard gently grabbed her by the arm. "Penny wait, are you going to be ok? He seems pretty mad." He asked quietly.

Penny gave him a half-hearted smile, simply to make him feel a little more at ease. "I'll be fine. I think he has calmed down a little." She said, completely unsure if what she was saying was the truth and then pulled herself away from him and headed back into her apartment.

As soon as Penny walked in she scanned the room for him, but there was no sign of him, until she heard some noises from the bedroom. She quickly walked over, and saw that he was packing. He had a suitcase on the bed and was throwing his clothes and belongings into it.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"What does it look like?" He snapped back.

"You don't have to do this now." She said sadly.

"Oh really Penny?" He said, throwing what he had in his hands into the suitcase and looking up at her. "What do you expect me to do? You obviously don't want me to stay." He said before going back to the closet and pulling more of his clothes out.

Penny began to quietly sob as she saw how much he was hurting, and it was all her fault. He was right, she didn't want him to stay with her, but she didn't want him to hate her either. She didn't want him to think that he had to leave right away, but then again, why would he want to prolong the agony of leaving. Penny turned around, left the bedroom and went to sit on the sofa, unsure of what else to do. She rested her head back against the cushion as she continued to sob. She knew she was doing the right thing by letting him leave, but it was still hard to do. She looked down at the ring on her finger and remembered all the good times they had shared, and although she didn't want to be with him anymore, she couldn't deny that it hurt to let him go. He had become a big part of her life, he had been the first man she had lived with since Kurt and even although it was rocky in the beginning, they had had some good times before she ruined it all. But it was for the best, she didn't love him, she didn't want to marry him, as much as she had tried to convince herself she did. He deserved the chance to go out into the world and find someone who did want those things with him. Slowly she removed the ring from her finger, as tears ran down her cheeks, and sat it down on the coffee table.

Brandon came out of the bedroom a while later, with a suitcase and backpack in hand. He dropped them down beside the door as he went to collect his keys, wallet and jacket. "Where are you going to go?" She asked quietly.

"Do you care?" He spat back, still obviously angry from the revelations of the day. He rifled through his keys, and took the one to her apartment off, then sat it on the table, noticing the ring sitting there as he put it down. Penny saw the extreme hurt on his face when he saw it and she closed her eyes.

"I really am sorry you know." She said through her sobs as she opened her eyes again and saw him put the ring in his pocket. "I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want any of this to happen."

Brandon looked at her for a second, before picking up his belongings and walking to the door. "Goodbye Penny." He said, ignoring what she had just said and walking out, slamming the door behind him.

Penny cried on her sofa for a while after he had gone, her apartment became cold and dark, almost as if it knew what had just gone on and was upset too.

Eventually she got up and walked across the hall. She had to tell Leonard what had happened and that Brandon had left, because she knew he would just worry about her if she didn't, especially after he had saw how angry he had been earlier. She knocked softly on the door and waited for him to answer.

"I just wanted to let you know he left." She said sadly when he opened the door.

He looked at her with concern as he reached a hand out to touch her arm. "Oh… I'm sorry." He said quietly. "Are you okay?"

The touch didn't go unnoticed by Penny and inside she began to panic. It was something she wouldn't have thought twice about before, but right now that touch stuck out in her mind and she wondered if he thought that now she was finished with Brandon, that the two of them would now become a couple. She remembered all the special moments they had shared recently and for the first time, she didn't think about her feelings for him, she thought about his feelings for her. She wondered if he was still in love with her, if all the closeness they had shared lately had made him fall for her deeper, and if he thought she loved him too. "I'm fine." She said backing away from him. She didn't want him to fall in love with her again, or to fall deeper if he already had, because she didn't know if she loved him back, and she was scared that if she didn't, he would end up hating her, like Brandon now did.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly, not really noticing that she was backing away from him as he was too focused on the fact she was upset to notice her actions.

Penny shook her head, "I just need to be alone." She said quietly then turned around and slowly walked to her apartment. Everything was getting too much for her, her whole life had spiralled to a point where she could no longer control it, and she needed to regain that control. She needed time, time away from here, away from Leonard, away from her apartment, away from all the memories both of those things held, away from Pasadena. She needed to clear her mind of everything that had happened to her, so she could figure out what she wanted from her life, what her feelings for Leonard meant, and she couldn't do it here. She knew then that she needed to go, but as she turned to take a look back, and saw Leonards concerned face looking back at her, she knew it was going to be the hardest thing she would ever have to do. Leonard had come to mean so much to her, and she knew it would kill him to watch her leave, but she had to, for his sake and for hers.

She quickly turned back around and as soon as she entered her own apartment, she picked up her phone to call home. She was still full of adrenaline, causing her hand to shake slightly as she touched the screen, searching for the number needed. Once she found the number she took a deep breath, and pressed call, waiting anxiously as the phone began to ring.

A few seconds later someone on the other end of the line picked up. Tears filled her eyes as she heard a voice she hadn't heard in so long, and missed greatly. "Daddy…" She sobbed, "I need to come home."


	23. Chapter 23

Penny spent the next hour on the phone, talking to her dad first, then her mother, and she found that talking to them had only reinforced her decision to go home. She told them that she and Brandon had broken up, but missed out all other details, and then she told them that she missed them and wanted to come home. They could tell that deep down, she had still not fully recovered from losing her baby and without question, they told her that they would sort it out for her, that they would get her on the next flight out of California, and bring her home to her family.

When she finally said goodbye to them and hung up the phone, she was met with a feeling of exhaustion from all the energy she had expelled by crying, mixed with a wave of relief. Going home was something she felt she had to do, and it was good to know that her parents were going to sort everything out for her to get home. She thought for a second that maybe she should have taken more time to think over what she was doing, after all, she was planning on leaving her life and her friends behind and that was a decision that should never be made lightly. But she knew if she took any more time to think about it, she would talk herself out of it, and something inside her told her that this was for the best. Time away from the crazy Californian life, and time with her family at home in Nebraska, was what she needed to properly heal. There was no doubt she had come a long way in recovering from losing her baby, but she knew she was still not herself yet, and although the comfort of her friends, and most importantly Leonard, had gotten her this far, she needed the tender loving care of her mom and dad to help her the rest of the way.

She wondered what her friends would say when she told them she was leaving, they would be sad, she knew that, but she wondered if they would understand her reason behind it, and let her go without a fight. Her heart became heavy as she thought about telling them all, and she wondered if she would even be able to say goodbye to them, coming to the conclusion that she couldn't. There was no way she would be able to look them all in the eye and tell them she was leaving, it would be too hard. She knew they would beg her to stay, and she wasn't sure she had the willpower to say no to them all, but she couldn't just leave without saying a word. She would have to tell someone, and that someone, without a doubt, had to be Leonard.

Penny lay down on her sofa, completely drained from crying, from thinking, and from everything else that had happened so far that day. She rested her head on the armrest as she thought about going home, about being back in Nebraska and seeing all of her old friends and her family. She thought about going back to the home she had grew up in, about her mother's home cooked meals and about the fields that surrounded her house that seemed to go for miles. She thought of all the long, quiet walks she could take along all the country roads that connected one farm to another, about having the cold wind hit her cheeks as she walked and having the cool air in her lungs as she breathed. She thought about sleeping in her old bedroom, and wondered if her parents had redecorated it yet, or if it still had all her stuffed toys scattered around and posters of her teenage crushes on the wall. The more she thought about everything her home had to give her, the more she knew it was the right thing to do.

* * *

Penny was awoken a few hours later by her phone ringing. She looked at the slightly blurry screen as her eyes tried to adjust to the light and saw that it had just gone ten o'clock, and that 'home' was calling. She instantly slid her finger across the screen and greeted the caller with a cracked version of 'hello' before clearing her throat and trying again.

"Hello."She said again with a lot more clarity as she sat up on her sofa, still adjusting to the rude awakening.

"Hey honey I know it's late, I just wanted to tell you that we have your flight booked." Her father said on the other side.

"That's great!" She said with a smile. "When is it?"

"Tomorrow evening at seven."

"What?" She said in shock. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, there was a cancellation so we managed to get you in. I thought that maybe that would be a little early, but you sounded pretty desperate on the phone, so we decided to book it for you. Is that okay? Or do you want me to reschedule?"

Penny thought about it for a few seconds. It was very soon, she would have barely any time to pack, let alone tell Leonard what she was doing, but she needed to go home. "No, that's fine daddy. Thank you."

"You're welcome honey. Me and your mom will be at the airport waiting to collect you when you land okay?"

"Okay. Well, I guess I will see you tomorrow." She said happily.

Pennys father chuckled on the other end of the phone. "Yes you will. Everyone is really looking forward to it. See you tomorrow, now get some rest, sorry for waking you. Goodbye."

"Bye daddy." She said and then hung up the phone.

_Seven o'clock tomorrow._ In less than twenty-one hours she would be on a flight home to her family, which meant she had probably about nineteen hours to get ready to leave, but there was so much to do. She had to pack, she had to call her work and tell them she was leaving, she had to look out all the stuff she would need for her flight, she had to sleep, and she had to tell Leonard. Her heart ached at the thought and she decided to begin packing, before she broke down.

She looked out her suitcase that was buried in her closet and began to pack some of her clothes, but before long her muscles began to ache. It had been an extremely long, hard day and she knew she had another one tomorrow. Even although she had fitted in a few hours of sleep with her short nap on the sofa, it wasn't enough and her body yearned for more rest. She decided to give in to her body's pleas as she changed into her pyjamas, slid into her bed, set her alarm for nine o'clock the next day and swiftly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Morning came far too soon for Penny, she groaned as she turned over in her bed and turned off her screaming alarm clock. She was about to fall right back to sleep, when something in her brain clicked and she remembered everything that had happened yesterday, and everything she had to do today. She slowly sat up in her bed, and spotted her failed attempt at packing from the night before scattered across the floor. She had a quick look around her room, realizing that it would be the last time she woke up in there for… well she didn't know for how long, but for a while anyway. She allowed herself a few moments of nostalgia, as she reminisced about all the good times she had had in this room, and then quickly snapped herself out of it, before those thoughts changed her mind.

She jumped out of bed, had a shower and then something to eat, before returning to her unpacked suitcase on her bedroom floor. She began packing away everything she thought she may need, leaving behind her shorts, skirts and summery dresses, knowing there would be no need for them in Nebraska. She sorted her way through her closet, trying her hardest not to think of everything she was leaving behind as she packed, and after a while, she was done. She zipped up her case and wheeled it through to the other room, sitting it beside her sofa before heading back into her room to clear up the remaining mess she had made.

Penny checked the time on her phone once she had finished tidying, it was two o'clock. She gasped slightly, shocked that the time had gone so fast and she had barely even realized it. She had four hours left, five if she really wanted to push it and suddenly nerves began to kick in, because she still had so much to do. She went over to her fridge to grab a bottle of water, and realized she would have to remove any food from it that might so sour, since she had no idea how long she would be gone for. She spent some time emptying her fridge and then headed back into her room to find her passport. She quickly sifted through her drawers and before long she found it and threw it into her purse before she left it behind. She called her work to tell them she was leaving and then sat quietly on her sofa as she came to terms with what she was doing. She looked around the room and as she had done in her bedroom this morning, she began to reminisce. She had spent almost a decade in this apartment, and leaving it behind, no matter for how long, was difficult. She loved her apartment, she loved how it was decorated and the fact that it was quite small, cosy enough for her to live in happily, yet big enough so she didn't feel claustrophobic. It was colourful, cute and quite randomly put together, and she loved it. Her heart became heavy and her stomach fell as her tears rose up. She put her head in her hands and sobbed for everything she would miss in this apartment, until it hurt chest her to cry anymore.

Penny once again checked the time on her phone, _four-thirty._ She still had some time left before she had to go, but she needed to go now. She was sure if she stayed in the apartment any longer she would decide not to go. She didn't want to leave, not really. As much as she wanted to be with her family and be back home for a while, there was so much here in Pasadena that she could barely stand to leave behind, but it was what she needed. She needed home, she needed time alone, away from all the memories, all the hurt and all the pain that had occurred over the past few weeks. And she needed time to figure out her feelings for Leonard, she needed time away from him, in the hope that it would clear up all the feelings that blurred her heart and she would finally be able to know how she truly felt about him.

She put her keys and her phone into her purse, grabbed a jacket and stood by the door as she prepared to leave. She scanned the room once more, and spotted her incomplete Rubix cube on the table. She smiled to herself and then put it in her purse as well, telling herself it was for something to do on the plane, but knowing it meant more to her than that, and she wasn't even sure why. She made her way back to the door, grabbed her suitcase and gave her apartment a slow, sad wave goodbye, before closing the door behind her.

A few tears hit her eyes as she stood in the hallway, faced with Leonards door, and she realized she couldn't leave yet, she still had to say goodbye. Her stomach churned at the thought and she considered simply leaving. It would be easily done, she could just walk down those stairs without a word to anyone and go home. But she couldn't do that, she had already decided she wasn't saying goodbye to everyone because it would be too hard, and she couldn't lose her courage to tell Leonard. She couldn't leave without a word to him, and although she feared his reaction, she knew he needed to know where she was going, and she had to tell him personally. After everything they had been through together, that was the least he deserved. She blinked away her tears as she sat her suitcase down beside the elevator and then slowly walked over to his door, giving it a soft knock and then waited anxiously for him to open his door.


	24. Chapter 24

Time seemed to stop completely as she stood at his door waiting for him, hoping that he was home so she could see him, but terrified of him answering for the same reason. Pennys heart began to race in her chest as she tried to think of the words to tell him she was leaving. She pictured his face when she told him, he was going to be devastated, she was going to be hurting him once more, but hopefully for the last time. Her tears began to surface, just as Leonard opened his door.

"Hey Penny," He said with a smile, "You know you don't have to knock you can just…" As he spoke he noticed the tears in Pennys eyes and his peripheral vision took note of the suitcase beside the elevator. "Penny, why is there a suitcase over there?" He asked nervously, terrified of the answer.

Penny said nothing for a few seconds. She just stood in silence as tears made their way down her cheeks. "I'm leaving, Leonard." She said eventually through the lump in her throat. "I have to go home."

Leonard immediately felt sick. There was no way she was leaving, she couldn't, he wouldn't let her. "This _is_ your home." He said quietly.

Penny shook her head slowly, "No. Home to Nebraska, I need to see my family. Please, tell me you understand." She pleaded.

"No, I don't understand." He said as he stepped out of his apartment, closing the door behind him. "Why are you leaving us? How long are you planning on going for?"

"I need to... There's just too much that has happened here, I need to get away from it for a while…" She stopped speaking, and took in a shaky breath in an attempt to soothe her chest and stop her tears, but it didn't work. "I need time away from here, so I can figure out… stuff. Please, understand that this is something I need to do."

"Penny you can't leave." He said as he took a step toward her. His chest began to tighten and he could feel the tears begin to well up in his eyes. "Please don't leave." He croaked. Leonard saw the pain in her eyes as she looked straight at him. He needed to change her mind, she couldn't just run away from everything that had happened here, that wouldn't help her. She needed to stay here with him, and all her friends, and they would help her get better. She began to sob, and Leonard reached out to hold her, but she pulled away.

Penny couldn't let herself cry in his arms. She wanted to, God knows she wanted nothing more than to cry on his shoulder, but she couldn't, because she knew she would give in and stay. She saw the hurt on his face when she refused his hug, but continued to tell herself this was for the best, because it would be the last time she would ever hurt him again. "I'm going to be late for my flight." She lied in a desperate attempt to get him to let her leave. "I need to go now." She grabbed her suitcase and quickly made her way down the stairs.

Leonard stood, frozen to the spot in shock. _Did all that just happen? Did Penny just tell me she was leaving or am I in the middle of some sort of nightmare?_ His heart began to pound at the thought of losing her. He didn't care how long she was going for, the only thing that mattered was that she was going indefinitely. She could be gone for days, weeks, months… years. He couldn't let that happen. She may think that this is what she needs, but he knows better. They were her family now and they could help her through everything that had happened. But then again, maybe due to his own cold upbringing, he just didn't understand that her mother and father would give her something that all of them couldn't.

Leonard suddenly realized that he was standing alone in the hallway, and that this wasn't a dream, Penny was making her way out of his life. He turned and began to make his way down the flights of stairs, hoping that he wasn't too late and she hadn't disappeared yet. He found himself panicking each time he entered the next floor and saw she wasn't there. "Penny!" He yelled in a desperate attempt to get her to stop, even though he couldn't see where she was. Finally he reached the top of the stairs on the ground floor and he saw her. "Penny wait!" He yelled and he ran down those last few steps.

Penny had only just made it down those steps when he called to her, and she turned around. He looked panicked and desperate and she wished she hadn't turned around. She wished she had kept on walking.

"You can't go Penny." He said as he stopped in front of her. "I won't let you. This isn't fair… we need you Penny… we all do." Tears flooded his eyes as he took the suitcase from Pennys hands. She didn't fight it, and he thought that was a good sign, but the only reason she hadn't was that she just didn't have the strength to. He stepped back, with Pennys suitcase in hand. "You're not going."

"Leonard, please." She begged. "Don't make this harder than it already is. This is something I need to do, I have thought this through."

"No you haven't!" He said loudly. "How could you have? When did you decide you were leaving? This morning? Last night? Before you broke up with Brandon?"

"Last night." She said sadly. "I know it is sudden, but I need to go. I can't stay here, not after what happened. There's too many bad memories here right now, too much hurt and pain." Her voice cracked as she spoke, barely holding back her tears.

"Am I one of those bad memories?" He croaked. "Are you leaving because of me?"

How could she tell him that he was? He wasn't one of the bad memories, that was for certain, and he was definitely not the whole reason she was leaving, but he was certainly part of it. Because her feelings for him had become so muddled and confused that she couldn't understand what they meant. She couldn't tell him that though, he just wouldn't understand. "No. I'm not leaving because of you." She said quietly. "And you are definitely not one of the bad memories, don't you ever think that you are."

"Then stay, for me." He begged. "I don't know what I will do without you. Please, just do this one thing for me… after everything I have ever done for you, please, _please_, just stay. Don't leave me." Leonard took a few steps towards Penny, until he was standing directly in front of her. They both looked into one anothers eyes and saw their tears fall. Leonard reached his free hand up to Penny face, "Please don't leave me Penny… I lov…"

"Don't" She said quickly, holding a finger to his mouth. "Don't say it." She sobbed. "_Please_ don't say it, because I don't know if I can say it back." Her voice cracked and she rested her forehead on his, enjoying these last moments of closeness with him. "Please, understand that I _am_ doing this for you." She said as she moved her hand to stroke his cheek with her thumb, "I don't want to leave Leonard. I don't want to leave you, but I have to. I have to get away from here, to clear my head of all the crap that has happened." Penny slowly moved her hand from his face and took the suitcase from his hands, keeping her forehead on his as she did it, and looking deep into his eyes. "Say goodbye to me Leonard." She said as she put the case down at her side and reached her hand up to his cheek again. "Please, say goodbye."

"No." He said shaking his head slowly. "I won't let you go, and I won't say goodbye."

Penny exhaled, as tears continued to fall from her eyes. "You have to. Please just say it." She sobbed, "Just say 'goodbye Penny' and let me go. I need you to, please."

Leonard shook his head slowly. "No." He said quietly and Penny sighed against his head, before closing her eyes and sobbing gently. It was breaking his heart hearing all the pain flood out of her, but he didn't want to say goodbye to her, he didn't want her to go. He moved his hands up to her face, and pulled her slightly away from him so he could look her in the eye again.

Penny opened her glazed eyes and stared deep into his soul, "Please say it." She begged.

Leonard stood in silence for a second, taking in the sight of those beautiful eyes drenched in tears. She was being stubborn, crazily stubborn, but she was definitely still hurting, he could see that. Maybe it was for the best, maybe she really did need her family for a while and then she would come back to him. He couldn't force her to stay, he knew that. She would probably end up resenting him if he did and that was the last thing he wanted. This was something she felt she had to do, and as much as he disagreed with it, as much as the thought of living his days without her ached his heart, he had to let her go. He had to let her do what she needed, or thought she needed to do.

"Please." She said quietly.

Leonard took in a shaky breath as tears raced down his cheeks. He closed his eyes and pulled her close to him, so that their heads were touching once more. "Goodbye Penny." He said quietly.

Penny breathed a sigh of relief. She wanted to kiss him, he was so close to her and she was so thankful that he was giving her the goodbye she needed, but she couldn't, for the same reason that she couldn't let him hug her earlier. His touch always mesmerized her and she knew if she kissed him, she wouldn't want to let go.

She breathed in as she pulled away from him. "Thank you." She sobbed as she wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Goodbye Leonard." She said quietly as she stepped away from him. She grabbed her suitcase and headed for the door, turning back momentarily to give him a small smile, which wasn't returned, and then walked out the doors and headed for the airport.


	25. Chapter 25

Leonard stood, frozen to the spot for a few minutes after she walked out, wondering, hoping, wishing that she would suddenly change her mind and come back through those doors, but she didn't. She was gone and he didn't know how long for. He slowly made his way back up all the flights of stairs and into his apartment, making a point of not looking towards Pennys door, because knowing that she wasn't on the other side, and wouldn't be again for quite some time, was something he just couldn't bear to think about.

He entered his apartment and looked around, trying to figure out what to do. He glanced toward the cupboard where he knew all the alcohol was kept, and for a second he thought about doing what he had done the last time he lost something he cared about, but he quickly shook the thought out of his mind. He had promised Penny he wouldn't look to drink to ease his pain again, and he wasn't going to break that promise. So instead he took off his glasses and lay faced down on his couch. He lay there thinking of Penny and blamed himself for letting her go. He told himself he should have tried harder to make her stay. He should have kept a hold of her bag, and refused to say goodbye, and maybe she wouldn't have gone. But then he wondered if there was anything he could have done to make her stay, maybe there were no words he could have said that would have convinced her. He desperately wanted her to be here with him, but she had said that this was something she needed to do and he didn't want her to be unhappy. He didn't want her to stay here and be miserable, he just hoped that one day she would return from Nebraska, and make his life whole again.

Leonard lay there, in another world as he thought over everything that had happened, until Sheldon came home, with Amy in tow and bags of food in their hands.

"Get your feet off my spot." He said simply as he put the food on the counter. "And get your body off Amy's spot."

Leonard groaned as he sat up, obeying his friends orders, simply because he had no strength to fight them.

"Is everything okay Leonard?" Amy asked, and he was slightly glad that at least one of his friends realized that something was wrong with him. Leonard shook his head slowly as he put on his glasses again.

"We have brought home dinner," Sheldon said, ignoring Amys conversation with Leonard. "I'll go over to Pennys and see if she will be joining us." He said as he began to walk out the door.

Amy came over and sat beside Leonard, about to quiz him on what was bothering him, and Leonards stomach fell as he realized he would have to tell them. "Sheldon, she's not there." He said sadly.

Sheldon turned around, "Oh… Where is she?"

"She went home." He replied, looking down at his hands.

Sheldon looked at him in confusion for a second, "What are you talking about, that _is_ her home." He said as he began to walk over to the door again.

"No, Nebraska home."

Amy gasped in shock beside him, "Oh my God." She said quietly.

"Preposterous." Sheldon said defiantly. "She wouldn't go back to Nebraska. She has commitments here, a job and a fiancé!" He then opened the door and walked over to Pennys, and began to knock on her door.

Leonard closed his eyes as he listened to his friends' ritualistic knock, and then waited in silence while no-one answered. "They broke up." He shouted out to his friend.

Amy then suddenly remembered the talk that she and Bernadette had had with Penny the other day, and it all began to fall into place. Penny had looked so exhausted and confused, it sort of made sense that she would want to get away from everything here, but it still hurt, and she wished that she had had a chance to say goodbye to her before she left. "When did she go?" Amy asked softly.

"Um… about half an hour ago, I think." He said sadly. "She said she needed some time away to figure out some stuff. I mean, what could she possibly have to figure out?" He said as tears began to fill his eyes. He then heard Sheldon knock on Pennys door again, in the same way he always did, and then wait for someone to answer.

"Maybe it's for the best," Amy said quietly, hoping to give him some comfort. "She has been through a lot over the past few weeks; she just needs time to recover properly."

"But why can't she do that here?!" He said pleading with Amy to give him and answer, "Why can't she recover here… with me… with us? I could look after her. Why does she feel the need to go miles and miles away for something she can get right here…" He broke down into tears and Amy couldn't help but tear up too, as Sheldon came back into the apartment.

"Is she really gone?" Sheldon asked and Amy nodded as she wiped away the few tears forming in her eyes. He glanced over to her door, and then back to look at Amy and Leonard. "But she didn't say goodbye."

"She did. She said goodbye to me…" Leonard said sadly.

"But not me!" He said, "Or Amy, Bernadette, Howard or Raj. She can't leave without saying goodbye to her friends!" Sheldon sounded angry, but both Leonard and Amy knew he was just trying to cover up the fact that he was sad. He would never like to admit how much he cared for Penny, constantly telling everyone how she drove him crazy, and she did, but she had become as much a part of his life as she had Leonards, and they knew he was going to miss her, as much as he would pretend he won't.

"I don't know, Sheldon. She seemed like she was in a hurry, she probably didn't have time."

"Do you know when she's coming back?" Amy asked.

"No, she didn't say." Leonard said shaking his head, and then looked down at his hands again. "I knew she was still upset," He said quietly and to no-one in particular. "I just can't believe she left. I thought she was getting better…" He said sadly as he sniffed away his tears.

"She was," Amy said, putting a hand to his shoulder. "But sometimes a girl just has to go home, to be surrounded by her family that love her dearly and help her that little bit more."

"But _I_ love her," He said sadly, as he continued to look at his hands. "We all do. I thought _we_ were helping her get back to normal."

Amy felt an overwhelming amount of sympathy for Leonard at that moment, he had been through so much himself with everything that had happened, but he never thought once about himself, it was always Penny. Amy knew it would be hard for Leonard to understand why she had left, he just didn't understand that sometimes people have to go back home and feel the warmth of their family around them to help them through bad times. She figured it was down to the fact he never felt that warmth and love from his family, and so would never have that feeling of needing to go back home. "We did help her." She said to him softly. "You helped her. She told Bernie and I that you have been her rock throughout all of this."

Leonard looked at Amy and frowned, not quite believing that Penny would have told them that, and wondering for a second if she had told them everything else. "Really? She said that?"

Amy nodded. "Yeah, she told us everything." She said looking straight into his eyes, and he knew then that she knew. "Leonard she wouldn't have gotten this far without you, I am certain of that. She really cares about you, but she's still confused, especially after everything that has happened. She will come back, I am sure of it." She tried her hardest to muster up a smile, before looking beside her and seeing Sheldon, sitting there listening intently to every word she had said. She could have sworn she seen tears in his eyes, but he blinked and all evidence of those tears had gone.

Leonard sat in silence for a few seconds as his mind went over everything Amy had said to him. It gave him some comfort, knowing that Penny credited him for her recovery so far, and he had to believe what Amy said, _she will come back_. She needed to be home, with her family for now, and although he may not understand it, he had to accept it.

"You really think she will come back?" Sheldon asked, much to the surprise of Leonard who had completely forgotten he was there because he was being so quiet.

"Of course she will." Amy said quietly, hoping that she was right. "Of course she will."

* * *

Penny sat alone in the airport, surrounded by people, as her mind relived every moment of that goodbye with Leonard. She was so glad she had stayed and said goodbye to him, but she felt terrible for what she was putting him through by leaving. She hated that he had even considered that he would have been one of the bad memories driving her away, she hated that she couldn't give him the one thing he had asked her for, and stayed. She relived each moment in her head, trying to remember what she had told him, and if she had made it clear to him that this wasn't his fault, because she knew he had a tendency to blame himself for everything that happened around him. He would probably think he wasn't good enough to help her through this, that he had somehow done something wrong that had caused her to leave. And that thought alone made her stomach churn, so much so that she almost grabbed her case and left the airport to go back to him, just to make sure he knew that he wasn't at fault here. That there was nothing he could have done that would have changed how she felt right now. That what was causing her to leave was her own mixed emotions and her inability to handle them properly. That she cared about him, so much that she was terrified of reading her feelings for him wrong, like she had done before, and hurting him in the same way she had Brandon. And most importantly, that she would be back. Tears filled up her eyes as she thought about it, about picking up her bag and heading straight back to him, but she couldn't. What good would it do if she did? She would be going back to all the same emotions she had had before, all the confusion and uncertainty, all the pain and despair. She was being selfish, and she knew it. She was putting her own needs before his, but she had to. She had to get rid of all the anguish that had surrounded her life, and be brought back to her old self, by going back to the place that had made her who she was. She just hoped Leonard understood that, and would forgive her for leaving.

Penny wiped away the tears that had fallen to her cheeks, and took a few deep breaths. She glanced around the airport, watching the people around her to try and take her mind off of Leonard. She studied the businessmen and women, the families who looked like they were going on vacation, the couples, sitting together, looking blissfully happy and almost unaware of everything going on around them. She watched those couples, and yearned for her life to be that simple and happy again, before deciding to get up and walk around before those thoughts made her tear up again. She wandered around the airport for a while, going in and out of shops, mindlessly picking things up, and looking them over then putting them back. She circled the departures lounge, over and over, until her flight was called over the loud speaker. She breathed a sigh of relief; glad that she would finally be on her way home, and that she wouldn't have to wander around the airport anymore in an attempt to distract her thoughts.

Penny swiftly headed to her gate and waited patiently amongst the other travellers. She followed the herd of people through security, all the way to the plane and to her seat, which she was glad to find was beside a window. She got herself comfortable, put her purse under her seat and ordered a drink from the air-hostess, while a young man came over and sat down beside her. She sat patiently, looking out the window, taking in her last look over California, when the young man sitting beside her began to talk. "Hi, I'm David." He said with a grin.

Penny was surprised at first, as she hadn't really expected, or wanted to talk to anyone right now, but she didn't want to seem rude, so she smiled politely back at him and said, "Hi, I'm Penny"

"Nice to meet you." He replied as he held out his hand and she shook it, before looking out her window again, hoping the conversation was over. "What are you heading to Nebraska for?"

Penny held in a sigh, she really didn't want to be rude, but she wasn't in the mood for talking to strangers either. She turned around and looked at him, he was fairly handsome, dressed in a simple shirt and jeans. He had thick blonde hair and striking blue eyes, which made him look a good bit younger than he probably was. If she had been on this plane under different circumstances, she probably would have been quite attracted to him. She would have flirted her way through his questions and by the end of the flight she was certain she would have his number, or he would have hers. But, things _were_ different, and right now, picking up men was the last thing on her mind. She just wanted to get home to her family. Reluctantly, however, she continued to politely answer his questions as she sipped on the drink the air-hostess brought her, trying her best not to show how annoyed she was becoming that he wouldn't just leave her alone. She tried to look out the window again, hoping he would get the point, but he didn't. She pulled out her Rubix cube, hoping he would leave her alone to concentrate on it, but that only raised more questions from him.

Eventually he asked the question Penny knew he would, but had hoped he wouldn't. He waited until just before the flight began to land, after everyone was told to return to their seats and put their seatbelts on. "So, can I get your number? Maybe we could hang out some time while you are home?" He said with a charming smile, showing off his bright white teeth.

Penny smiled, it had been a while since she had been hit on by a guy, and that was probably because of the diamond sparkler that had shown her unavailability to everyone she met. But even although she didn't have that ring on her finger anymore, even although she didn't have a fiancé or a boyfriend, she was still unavailable, in her own mind anyway. She smiled once again to the man beside her and shook her head. "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." She said. She was lying, she had no attachments that would stop her from hanging out with that guy, but it wouldn't be right. Leonard still stuck on her mind, even as that man flirted with her, and she couldn't shake the feeling that if she flirted back, if she gave that guy her number and went on any sort of date with him, she would be betraying Leonard in some sort of way.

The last few moments on the plane were quite uncomfortable, the man beside her was obviously disappointed that he wouldn't be getting to spend any more time with her as he had become very quiet. And after a silent descent, the plane landed and she said goodbye to him. Then once again she followed the herd through security, to baggage claim and finally to the arrivals lounge, where she saw her mom and dad, eagerly waiting her arrival. As soon as she saw them she ran through the crowds, as fast as her feet would let her, with her case wheeling along behind her. When she was within a few feet of them, she let go of her case and threw her arms around her father, bursting out into tears as she squeezed him tightly, before letting go and doing the same to her mother.

"I've missed you so much." She said through her sobs as she clung to her mother.

"We've missed you too sweetie." Her mother said softly as she held her tight and her dad collected her case. "Now, let's get you home and get some good Nebraskan food in that belly," She said with a grin as she pulled away from her and then pinched her cheeks. "Let's see if we can get some meat on these bones!"


	26. Chapter 26

The drive to Pennys home wasn't too long, half an hour maybe, but it flew past as she talked the whole way to her mother, Hilary, who was absolutely delighted to have her little girl back for a while. It had taken all the strength Hilary and Wyatt had, not to fly over to California the moment they had found out that Penny had miscarried a baby that they hadn't even known she was carrying. They wanted nothing more than to get to her and cradle their baby, as she grieved for the loss of hers, but they restrained themselves in an effort to let her come to terms with what had happened on her own. They thought that maybe she would want time alone to grieve and that having too many people surrounding her would make her feel suffocated, and they didn't want that. They knew she had her friends around her, and Wyatt assured her, since he was the only one who had met any of them, that they would take care of her, especially Leonard. Hilary agreed based on what she knew about him, and they decided to stay here and hoped that at some point she would call and ask them to come over and visit her. So they were over the moon when instead she called and told them she was coming home, although they wished it would have been under better circumstances. The call they had gotten, hadn't been what they expected. Although they knew she would be distraught, they never thought that part of the reason she would want to come home was because she had broken up with Brandon. She hadn't told them anything else, there was no reason, or even a hint of a reason behind what had happened, and they didn't push her for one, assuming she would find it too hard to talk about. Instead they just accepted it, and booked her on the first flight here, and Hilary hoped that at some point during her stay, she would open up to her about everything that had gone on.

Penny sat in the backseat of the car, getting more and more excited as she recognised certain stores and landmarks that told her how close she was to home. She felt ready to burst, and as soon as the car drove up the drive and parked at the house, she jumped out and squealed as she ran up to her door. The house wasn't overly big, but it was bigger than most. There was a good sized porch area at the front, a garage, and a shed around the back where her dad would do most of his work and where she had spent a good bit of her early childhood, helping him fix cars and tractor engines. There were stables around the back, where two horses were kept, since her mom was a huge horse lover and she could remember many times when her mother would take her out riding along the fields. There was a small field across from the stables that had several farm animals in it; a few pigs, sheep and cows. There was a small barn beside it that held the chickens, and she could remember being out in that barn as a child helping her mom collect eggs, and had even helped milk the cows a few times. Behind that small field was a rather large cornfield, where she had spent many a time running around with her friends or her brother and sister.

Penny breathed in the country air as she reminisced, and couldn't wait to live the simple country life again for a while, after being in the fast paced city of California for almost ten years. Her last visit home had only been a couple of years ago, but as she stood on the porch and looked at the view surrounding her, it felt like a lifetime ago. She couldn't wait to get into that house and be filled with a million and one memories of the good times she had spent in there, to replace the horrible ones that had plagued her for the past few weeks. She stood on the porch, bouncing a little as she waited on her parents to open the door, when her dad shouted out to her. "The door's open honey, you can go in."

Penny beamed as she pushed the door open and walked through the corridor that was decorated with countless family photos, into the rather large living area. The room was filled with some her family; her brother, her sister and her husband, and her nephew. Penny stopped in shock as she looked at them, completely taken back by their presence as she hadn't expected anyone to be there waiting on her arrival. She smiled as they stood up to greet her, first her sister, Hannah, then her brother-in-law, Steven, but she had to practically force her brother into a hug and even when she did he just gave a slight grumble and a "Hi Penny". Penny and her younger brother, Lewis, were only a few years apart, and so had spent most of their childhood together, often fighting over one thing or another and generally giving their parents a hard time. She always credited the fact that she was more than able to defend herself against most men, to the fights, that would sometimes get physical, with her brother over the years. But even although they constantly fought or argued with each other, she always found that she was closer to him than her sister, and she was sure he felt the same way, even although he was reluctant to show it. She squeezed her brother tight and told him she had missed him, which was met with a, "yeah okay you too, now get off me." To which she giggled, before letting him go and heading over to her nephew, Jake. He was also reluctant to give her a hug, but more because of the fact he was a teenager, now coming up for the big eighteen, and was just reluctant to show any interest in anything. Penny let him go quickly, before sitting down and relaxing on the couch beside her sister.

They talked for a few moments about her flight and how each other had been getting on, until her father entered the room with her case and asked her if she wanted him to take it to her room.

"No, no. I can take it!" She said excitedly, looking forward to seeing her old room again. "I want to see my room and have a shower and stuff. I need to wash that flight off of me."

"Okay sweetie, but be down here again in an hour for dinner." Hilary said with a smile as she watched her daughter run up the stairs.

"Okay!" She shouted back as she reached the top of the stairs. She headed down the hallway and stopped at the door that still had a sign on it saying, 'Pennys Room'. Penny beamed as she opened her door and saw her room, just the way she had left it. It had been the same the last time she had visited a few years ago, but her parents had been talking about redecorating and turning her room into some sort of games room, and she was so glad that they hadn't gotten round to it yet. Her walls were purple, but you could barely see them due to all the posters and pictures of friends that covered her walls. She grinned as she looked over all her pictures of her and her high school friends, and to the posters of N'sync and The Backstreet Boys, who she had been practically obsessed with as a teenager. Her stuffed animals were everywhere, on her bed, on top of her wardrobe, and there was even a shelf, solely dedicated to showing off her collection of care bears. She placed her case on the floor and slumped down onto her old double bed, smiling as she grabbed one of her bears, rested her head on her pillow and snuggled with the bear for a few minutes. She felt herself slowly drift off to sleep, but was brought out of it by a huge rumbling in her stomach. She dragged herself off her bed, took some clothes from her case and headed to the bathroom for a shower.

The warm water on her skin had made her feel a good bit better, and she happily headed downstairs for dinner once she had gotten dressed. It was late, just after nine in the evening, but her home was full of life, and it took some of her own tiredness away. All of the men were sitting at the kitchen table, talking and joking, while her mother and sister were in the kitchen. Penny could see her moms curvy figure and short blonde hair, standing beside the sink, while her slim, dark haired sister stood beside her. Penny was about to head over and join them, when she felt something jump up at her leg. She looked down and saw a dog, a black and white collie, looking up at her, with its tongue hanging out, waiting to be given some attention.

"Hello!" She said happily as she bent down to pet the dog, "What's your name sweetie!" She cooed, before looking up at her family. "What's her name?" She asked as she dog lay on its back in front of her, begging to have its belly rubbed. "Oh, _his_ name," She giggled.

"That's Joey." Wyatt answered as he watched his daughter fuss over the dog.

"Joey?" She asked with a scrunched up face. "Why did they call you Joey? Huh?" She cooed to the dog.

"Because he's cute, and a cheeky little devil!" Hilary said from the kitchen, "Just like that one from 'Friends'"

Penny giggled, and held up the dogs paws. "Hey Joey, how you doin?!" She said while the dog got excited and began to lick her face. "Eww, get off me!" She chuckled as she stood up and headed to sit at the table. "When did you get him?"

"He came to us," Her dad said. "He kept coming up to the house, so we took him in and put up posters to see if anyone claimed him and they didn't, so we kept him. He's still young, only about three, and he's very well mannered, loves attention and plenty of walks."

Penny smiled as the dog came up and sat beside her, sitting his head on her lap. "And he loves women!" Wyatt added with a chuckle.

"Another reason why he suits the name Joey!" Hilary shouted from the kitchen, before waltzing in with a few plates and sitting one in front of Penny and her brother who was sitting beside her. She then headed back into the kitchen and brought out another two plates for Wyatt and Jake, while Hannah brought in two plates her herself and her husband, and sat down beside Penny, with Steven on the other side of her. Hilary then returned again and sat down beside Wyatt with her own plate. "Alright, dig in!" She said with a smile.

"Mom this smells incredible!" Penny said with a grin as she began to dig in to her food. The table was filled with chatter and laughter as everyone ate their dinner. Joey sat at Pennys leg the whole way through dinner, and she couldn't help but slip him a few pieces of meat every now and then.

"Mom, Pennys feeding the dog!" Lewis said to Hilary with a grin.

"I'm not!" Penny said innocently before giving her brother 'the eye'. "Stop telling lies, Lewie."

"Jesus how many times! Don't call me Lewie! You know I hate it!"

"Awww I'm sorry Lewie!" She said as she ruffled his dark blonde hair.

"Get off me!" He said pushing her hand away.

"Alright you two stop the bickering!" Hilary said as she began to clean up her plate.

"Oh, leave them to it. I've missed their stupid little fights!" Wyatt said as he stood up, "Leave that there, I'll clean this up."

Hilary smiled and done as he asked, before heading into the living area, followed by Penny and Hannah, while the boys cleaned up. The girls sat talking for over an hour, giving Penny all the gossip from their small town until her tiredness began to show through again, as her eyes became heavy and she yawned. Penny was sitting with her legs pulled up in front of her and her head against the sofa cushion, with Joey sleeping beside her.

"Why don't you head to bed sweetie?" Hilary asked. "You can take him with you if you want?" She said with a giggle.

"Yeah, I think I will." She said as she sat up and stretched. "Goodnight." She said to everyone as she headed out of the room, before giving a small whistle to call Joey over. "You coming sweetie?" She cooed, to which he quickly jumped up and followed her. Her family said goodnight to her as she left the room and headed up the stairs to her bedroom. She got changed into her bedclothes, put the majority of her teddies on the floor, leaving just one for her to cuddle with and curled up under her big duvet, as Joey got up and lay on the bottom of her bed, just beside her feet. Penny fell asleep almost instantly, with a full stomach and already feeling like things were just that little bit better.


	27. Chapter 27

Penny was kept busy for her first few days back in Nebraska, as various family members and old friends heard of her arrival, and came around to visit. She chatted happily to various aunts, uncles and cousins, and then some of her high school friends and although she had been glad to see them all, she was relieved when she had seen all of them, and could relax knowing she wouldn't get any more of the sympathetic looks and gentle pats on the shoulder as they all heard of what had happened to her.

The days she enjoyed the most, were the days when absolutely nothing happened. When no-one visited and her day was filled with mundane things like just sitting in the living room with her brother, who was still living at home due to the failure of his 'chemistry business', and fight over the remote for the television. The days when her mother brought her out into the back to help her tend to the animals, surprising herself at how much she actually remembered when it came to looking after them. She went on days out to the nearest town, shopping and going to lunch with her sister, or her mom, and sometimes both of them. They would talk, gossip and bitch, about anything and everything for a good few hours, and Penny loved every second of it. Just like she loved it when she helped her dad and brother put together a corn harvester and went horse riding with her mom, and during the whole time she had been home, little Joey never left her side. She wondered if he had some sort of doggie instinct that told him how lonely she still felt inside, and made him feel the need to stay beside her, but then again maybe he just followed her because she had a tendency to feed him some scraps of whatever she ate. It didn't matter what his reason was, she was just glad to have him there, he really was a sweet little dog. She rewarded his loyalty to her, by taking him on long walks around the fields, and smothering him with attention and love.

Penny enjoyed those walks the most. There was something about being on her own, breathing in the cool air and exercising her muscles, that always gave her a great feeling inside. She felt happy, and full of life, almost like what had happened to her, had never happened. She would come back from those walks, feeling like a whole new person, like the freshness of the outdoors, which was being breathed in and hitting off her face, was renewing her body back to its original state. She would look around her, and get lost in the vision of the green and yellow fields that surrounded her. She walked Joey almost every day, sometimes for hours at a time, taking a new path each day, wondering what lay at the other side of it, but sometimes never reaching the end. She would climb over small fences, into the fields to throw sticks for Joey, even although she was certain she wasn't supposed to be there, and then make a big fuss over him when he brought it back to her.

She had been home for over two weeks, and it had flown by. Almost each day was filled with something slightly different, but she was always surrounded by her family, and that never changed, but it changed her. She knew she was finally getting back to where she used to be because of them. She had been doubtful that she had made the right decision to come home at first, but she knew now that it was the best thing she could ever have done. The only thing that still bothered her, was Leonard, because as much as being home had helped her recover from her grief, so far, there was still a cloud over her feelings for Leonard. She missed him desperately, but she missed everyone else too.

* * *

Leonard found the first week without Penny incredibly hard. Life went on as normal; they went to work, had takeout food, played games and watched movies, but none of it felt the same without Penny, not for him anyway. It was odd, coming home from work and not running into her either at the mailbox, on the stairs, as she as she went to do her laundry or in the hallway, as she left for work herself. They would buy takeout each night, but that would only remind them that Penny was no longer here, as she wouldn't come bouncing through the door, asking what they have gotten for dinner, knowing full well what they had through routine. They hadn't stepped foot in The Cheesecake Factory since she had left either, and Sheldon didn't even protest that his routine was being changed, he just accepted the move to a different restaurant without a complaint.

Leonard missed the fact that she wouldn't let herself into their apartment every now and again, whether it be because she had no coffee left, because she was bored and wanted to hang out, because her computer wasn't working properly or because Sheldon had changed their Wi-Fi password again and she couldn't get on the internet. That first week drove him crazy, everything, everywhere reminded him of her, but he found comfort in the friends he had around him, as they tried to carry life on as normal, for his sake. They made Pennys absence easier for him to deal with, by keeping him busy and not allowing him to wallow in his pain. It was like they all rallied around him, Bernadette and Amy made sure he had someone to talk to when he needed it, and he in turn gave them the same, and when he didn't want to talk, Raj and Howard took him to a bar, just to get him out of the apartment. Sheldon tried his best to comfort him too, constantly offering him cups of tea, and even letting him watch Babylon 5 when it was on. The whole group tried not to mention Penny too much, and any time they almost would, they would stop themselves instantly and look towards Leonard to see his reaction. Part of him was grateful that they were trying not to flood his mind with even more thoughts of her, but he also just wanted them to act as normal. He didn't want them to feel like they couldn't talk about her in front of him, because he didn't want Penny to just be forgotten. She had made such a huge impact on all of their lives in some way and he hated that they felt like they couldn't talk about her, for fear of upsetting him.

After that first week was over, he felt a little better, but not enough, and as he sat at his desk at work, he pulled out a piece of paper and decided to write down all the positive things about Pennys absence. The first one being that she had left to help get back to her old self, and hopefully she would return as the cheery, happy, fun-loving woman that they all knew, but had seen very little of lately. But that was it. There were no other positives about Penny not being around, not for him anyway, although he was sure Sheldon would probably have a few things to add to the list. He felt disheartened for a while, as he looked at that one thing written on the page. _There must be more._ He thought as he stared at the page, but there wasn't. He was about to scrunch up his piece of paper and throw it in the bin, about to determine his plan as a failure, until he realized that that was the only thing that mattered. If her being away from him meant she would return happier than she was when she left, then he could deal with that. And so for each day after that, he didn't focus on the fact that he didn't get to run into her in the hallway, or that when they were eating she wouldn't come over, or that their Wi-Fi password hadn't been changed in weeks. He focused on what it would be like when she returned, and done all of those things again, just the way she used to. And when the group began to bring something up about her, he smiled and made sure they said what they were going to; enjoying the memory of her, instead of getting upset that she was no longer there.

But as that second week, went into the third, he found his happy demeanour slightly change. He had no idea how long she was going for, but he had thought that she would be home within a couple of weeks and when she didn't, he started to worry. He worried that maybe she wasn't getting any better, or that maybe she had enjoyed being home too much, and she had decided to stay. He tried to put those thoughts out of his mind, and continue to focus on his positive thing, but as the days went on, the part of his brain that said she would return, got smaller and smaller. After the night fell on each day that she hadn't returned, his confidence in the words Amy had spoken to him, the ones that told him she would come home, fell, as he imagined his life being like this forever. A life without Penny.


	28. Chapter 28

"Will you just give me the remote!" Penny shouted to Lewis who was sitting at the other end of the couch that she was sitting on, with a smug grin on his face and the remote in his hand.

"No, I'm watching this!" He said back to her.

"No you're not! You have barely looked up from your phone for the past ten minutes!" Penny said loudly as she became angrier at her pain in the ass brother, who was now smiling and shaking his head at her. "Give me it!" She said as she kicked him on the leg.

"Was that supposed to hurt?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

Penny couldn't help but giggle, "No, but this will!" She said as she kicked him again, with a little more force behind it.

Lewis held in a yell of pain, determined not to let her know she had hurt him, and smiled. "Pathetic." He said with a chuckle. "What happened to you Penny? I think California has turned you into a pussy."

"Hey! Watch your language!" Hilary shouted from the kitchen. "You might be an adult, but you are still living in my house so if you want to talk like that, you have to move out!"

Penny smiled as Lewis' face fell at being yelled at. "You got into trouble!" Penny sang.

"Shut up." Lewis replied quickly. "Here." He said as he threw the remote over to Penny. "Just don't put anything crap on."

Penny grinned as she caught the remote. "Okay!" She said then immediately began to flick through the channels, before stopping at one and then beaming with delight. "Lord of the Rings!" She said to Lewis with a smile, hoping he would approve of her choice.

"Are you serious?" He said with a raised eyebrow. "You like that movie?"

Penny shrugged, "I never used to, but after being forced to watch it a few times, it grows on you."

"You watched it more than once?!" He asked with obvious shock. "Why?"

"Leonard liked it." She said with a shrug. "I remember this one time he…"

"Oh, _Leonard."_ He interrupted as he rolled his eyes.

"What was that look for?" She asked with a frown.

"Nothing, go on, tell us your story about Leonard." Lewis said as he grinned and looked over at his mom.

Penny frowned at first, before continuing what she was saying. "Well, the first Halloween I spent in my apartment, I had a dress-up party, and he came as one of the hobbits from this movie, Frodo I think." She said with a smile, "And then, a few years later he found one of the rings that was apparently used when they were filming the movie and him and the other guys fought over that thing for days! It was crazy." She said shaking her head, but smiling at the same time, until she noticed that Lewis still had that same weird grin on his face and her happy smile turned to a frown. "What?"

He shook his head and laughed. "Nothing! It's just funny, you know, how you seem to have some little story about Leonard for everything."

"I do not!" She said defiantly.

"You do," He said before looking to Hilary. "Mom, tell her she does."

Penny turned around and looked at her mom who was sitting at the kitchen table with a smile on her face, as she flicked through a magazine. "Your brother's right Penny, you have barely stopped talking about him for the past few days."

Penny scoffed, "I don't talk about him that much."

"You do." They both said in unison.

"Shut up!" She said as she turned away from them and tried to focus on the television. She got temporarily lost in her thoughts as she pondered what they had just said to her. Surely she hadn't spoken about him that much? She knew she had been reminded of him a good bit lately, at the most random times but she hadn't thought she had talked about him that much.

"Lewis, honey do you have everything ready for going away on Saturday?" Hilary asked.

"Where are you going?" Penny asked, snapping herself out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, mom I'm just about packed." He said to Hilary before looking at Penny. "Me and my friend Owen are going on a road trip."

"Where to?"

"Well, we are planning on going through Colorado and over to Salt Lake City, then we are going to head down to Vegas, and then to LA, and then come home. It's going to be awesome. We have been planning it for a few months now." He said excitedly.

"Oh, that sounds good." She said trying to hide the fact she was disappointed he was leaving. "How long will you be gone for?"

"Well we are only planning on staying at each place for like a day, maybe two in Vegas and LA, so we should only be away about a week." He said with a shrug. "You know, if you were a good sister, you would let us stay at your place for a few days while we are in California." He said with a hopeful smile.

"Never gonna happen." She said shaking her head.

"You suck at being a sister!"

"Yeah well, you suck at being a brother!"

Lewis opened his mouth and feigned hurt, "Give me back the remote!"

"No!" Penny giggled, "I'm watching this!"

"Oh why? Because _Leonard_ used to watch it?" He said in a mocking tone, and then began to mimic Penny. "Oh my God, is that _Star Wars_ you're watching? My friend _Leonard_ loves Star Wars, he even has some of those light thingys and the figurines!" Penny tried to look angry but couldn't hide a slight smile as she threw a cushion at him to get him to stop, but he continued. "Oh, my God Lewis, are you going _paintballing_? I remember I went paintballing a few times, _with Leonard_! Oh, you are drinking _milk_? My friend _Leonard_ can't drink milk, because he's lactose intolerant and it will make him blow up like a balloon!" Penny continued to throw cushions at her brother, but he just kept on laughing at her expense. "Oh my God you have _arms_? You know _Leonard_ has arms too!" Lewis barely managed to say before being pounced on by Penny, frantically hitting him, while trying not to laugh.

"I do not sound like that you little punk!"

"Actually Penny, he is pretty spot on!" Hilary remarked from the kitchen.

* * *

The next night, Penny lay down in her bed, shut off the light and closed her eyes, trying her best to fall asleep. Her mind was riddled however, as it had been for much of the past few days, with thoughts of Leonard. Her brother had been totally right, she was talking about him a lot lately, she just hadn't noticed it. But now, after he had brought it to her attention, she noticed that in almost every conversation she had, she would bring him up. She tried her hardest to stop it. Every time her brain told her to bring up 'what Leonard would say' or 'what Leonard would do', in certain situations, she tried to stop her mouth from saying the words, and it was becoming quite exhausting. She really didn't want to constantly talk about him, but the simplest thing would remind her of him, and in those moments after she had spoken about him to someone, she would realize just how much she missed him. Being home was great, but the one thing that it was missing was him.

She had found some ways of distracting herself from those thoughts during the day, but now, as she lay in bed alone with nothing around to distract her from her thoughts, her mind wandered. She fought it at first.

When she closed her eyes and an image of him popped up, she would quickly open her eyes again and think of something else, like what she was going to do the next day, but as soon as her eyes closed again, he popped up, again. They were innocent enough at first, as she thought about silly things like when they were in his apartment playing Jenga, but then they got more intense, as she thought about their night on the roof. She thought about being in his arms and remembered how safe she had felt at that moment. She had been upset, hysterical and crying, but he managed to remove all those feelings and make her smile. She remembered lying with her head on his chest, feeling his heart beat against her. She remembered looking into his beautiful brown eyes through his cute black frames, as the moonlight highlighted his features, and then suddenly, she was no longer on the roof, she was in her apartment, looking into those eyes as he stared at her with such desire. She traced her eyes over her imaginary vision. She touched his face and ran her hands through his soft, curly brown hair. She put her lips to his and her body tingled as they moved in sync with each other, she felt his tongue slither past her teeth and into her mouth, caressing it against hers. She touched his neck, and slid her hands over his shoulders and arms, massaging every muscle as they continued to feed off one another. She pressed her hands against his chest and pushed herself against his slightly toned torso. She found it amazing how easy it was to underestimate that man's body; she often forgot what lay beneath that hoodie and jacket on a day to day basis, but when he was this close to her, even in her imagination as she undressed him with her mind's eye, that body gave her shivers.

Her thoughts raced forward, and suddenly she was lying on her couch, in her underwear, with that gorgeous man on top of her, in nothing but his boxers. He was kissing her neck, while his hands ventured around her body, moving from her waist, down her thigh and then back up to gently hold her ass. His soft lips made their way down her chest, stopping to lick and nibble on her whenever the mood took him. She could feel him on her, even in her imagination, she could feel his hand cupping and squeezing her breast, while the other kept a firm grasp on her ass. She could feel his warm mouth make its way down her body, kissing almost every part of it as she writhed and moaned against him. And then she did moan, softly but from the deepest part of her gut. She thought it was part of her fantasy at first, until her brain registered the noise and she shot her eyes open. She wasn't lying on her back on her sofa, she wasn't on the roof or even in his apartment, she was in her bedroom, her _teenage_ bedroom. She took note of her hands as one sat comfortably on her breast, while the other had found its way down the front of her shorts. She removed her hands from their places, and although she felt hugely disappointed that what she had been imagining, had been just that; imaginary, she smiled. She beamed, as her chest heaved and she struggled to catch her breath. She smiled because, for the first time in weeks, she felt desire, lust and passion, and she had let herself feel it, without the slightest bit of guilt.

She sat up slightly and glanced around her room, suddenly feeling quite ashamed that she had thought those kinds of things here, in the bedroom she grew up in, with her stuffed animals, N'sync and The Backstreet Boys, staring at her and Joey at her feet. She giggled a little as she laid her head back, and slowly breathed in and out, in an attempt to get her breathing back to normal while her whole body throbbed for her to finish what she had started. But she couldn't now, she was in her parents' home, and more importantly, there were too many eyes on her. She realized then that this was possibly how Leonard had felt with her care bears, like they were watching what was going on, and she giggled again, before realizing that once again, he had cropped up into her mind. He pretty much had a courtside season ticket in her brain, and she wondered what that meant for them. She wondered what it meant concerning her feelings for him, if the fact she couldn't stop thinking about him was a sign that she was in love with him. She tried to tell herself that that wasn't the only option, she could just be thinking about him because she missed him, just a friend missing another friend, and if those thoughts tonight hadn't surfaced, she may have been able to convince herself that that was true. But those thoughts did surface, and she knew that no matter how much she may try and deny it, friends never thought about each other in the way she had just thought about him. He was more than a friend, definitely more than a friend. She smiled and bit her lip, before slowly closing her eyes, and relaxing into a deep sleep, knowing that if tonight was any sort of sign of anything, it was that she was _definitely _gettingback to her old self again.


	29. Chapter 29

Leonard, Howard and Sheldon, were sitting in 4A, engrossed in a game of three-way chess. Leonard and Sheldon were in their usual spots, and Howard was on a chair opposite Sheldon. Both Leonard and Sheldon were waiting patiently, looking in Howards direction, waiting on him to take his turn.

"Howard, it's your turn." Sheldon said.

Howard stared at the board, with his elbow on his leg and his hand on his chin, looking quite confused. "I'm thinking."

"It doesn't matter what move you make Howard, Sheldon is going to take you on his next move." Leonard said with a smile.

"We'll see about that." Howard said as he moved one of his black pieces across the board.

Sheldon instantly moved one of his white pieces, "Check-mate, Howard you are out." Sheldon said with a grin.

"Aw damn it!" Howard said as he sat back on the chair. Leonard chuckled at his friend and was about to make his move, when he heard some noise outside the door. He instantly stopped and looked towards the door.

"Leonard, what are you doing? Make your move." Sheldon said to him.

"Shh." He said holding up his hand. Sheldon and Howard looked at each other in confusion, before turning and watching Leonard as he got up from his chair and headed to the door.

He could hear shuffling noises and what sounded like people talking in the hallway, and his heart started to pound and the chance it could be Penny. He slowly put his eye to the peephole, and frowned when he saw a man hanging out beside Pennys open door. His mind instantly thought the worst; that Penny had returned with a new boyfriend, and his stomach fell. _Surely not._ He told himself as he opened his door, and stepped outside, leaving his door wide open.

Leonard looked at the guy standing at Pennys door with a frown, who looked back at him in the same manner. A few seconds later, another man came out of Pennys apartment with a smile on his face, about to talk to the other man, when he spotted Leonard. The other guy looked familiar to Leonard, he couldn't quite place him, but there was just something about him that made him feel like he had met him before.

"Hey." The man said as he stepped out of Pennys apartment.

"Hey." Leonard said back, still with a frown on his face. "Are you… um… staying there?" He said motioning to Pennys apartment.

"Oh, no. I'm just picking up a few things for my sister, Penny." He said, "Do you know her?"

Leonard instantly breathed a sigh of relief, _Oh, it's just her brother._ He thought, as he looked at his face and immediately saw the resemblance. He had the same big eyes and round face as Penny, and his blonde hair was similar to hers, albeit cut short and slightly darker.

"Uh… yeah," Leonard replied, "I'm Leonard, her neighbour, as you can probably tell…" He said as he looked towards his door and back to him, "We are friends."

"Oh! _You're_ Leonard!" He said with a huge grin, and reached a hand out to him. "I'm Lewis," Leonard shook his hand, "This is Owen." He said as he nodded to his friend. "Nice to finally meet you, I've heard _a lot_ about you." Lewis said with a chuckle.

"Really?" Leonard asked with a frown and a hint of a smile.

"Yeah," He said with a nod. "Back when you and Penny were together, my dad used to give me hell about how I should be more like you." He said shaking his head. "He constantly gave me shit about how I should go back to school and get a degree instead of 'getting myself into trouble'" Lewis said with a giggle and Leonard couldn't help but smile too. He barely knew Lewis, but he already liked him, he really did remind him of Penny, not only with his looks but he had the same mannerisms, and the same bubbly personality. "And for the past week or so Penny hasn't shut up about you. She's been driving us crazy."

Leonards smile widened, Penny couldn't stop talking about him. She was missing him, just like he was missing her.

"Wait a minute." Owen said, as he walked over to the two of them. "You used to date Penny?"

Leonard blushed a little and nodded, "Yeah."

"Wow. Well done." He said with a nod and Leonard immediately frowned. He didn't really like the way he said that, like she was some sort of prize that he had won. "She's one hot piece of ass!" He said with a smile and slightly dreamy look. "and her,"

"DUDE!" Lewis said interuppting him as he gently pushed him with one hand, sounding just as annoyed as Leonard felt. "That's my sister!"

"What!" Owen said holding his hands up, looking slightly shocked at Lewis' reaction. "It was a compliment!"

Lewis continued to stare at him with a look of anger on his face. "Whatever, remind me never to let you anywhere near her again, you big pervert."

Owen huffed and Lewis turned his attention back to Leonard. "So, how is Penny doing anyway?" Leonard asked.

"Good, I think." He said with a shrug. "She's still as annoying as she always was. Do you know she wouldn't even let me and Owen stay in her apartment while we visited here?" He said shaking his head. "Yet she has the cheek to ask us to pick up stuff for her… Although I guess it was probably a good decision," He said looking towards Owen. "I don't know if I really want him living in my sisters apartment."

Leonard chuckled a little, completely agreeing with him, but then he realized what he had said, that he was picking up stuff for her and that could only mean she was staying in Nebraska longer. "Do you know when she will be back?" Leonard asked.

Lewis sighed, "No, she seems pretty happy, I wouldn't be surprised if she never left." He shook his head and chuckled a little. "I think I will have to move out if she does."

Leonard sighed, closed his eyes and put a hand to rub his head and Lewis noticed how sad he looked after he had said that and wished he had said something different. He looked towards Pennys door and then back to him. "Hey, how would you feel about getting these things she wants for me?" Lewis said and Leonard looked up to him in confusion. "It's just a few things," he said pulling out a list from his pocket and began to read a few things from it, "Make-up, photos from fridge, grey Nebraska hoodie…" He looked up at Leonard with a frown, "I don't even know where these things are, and I don't fancy snooping around my sisters stuff, especially with Pervy Perverson over there." He said looking towards Owen.

Leonard took the list from Lewis, and smiled a little, "Okay, I'll get them."

"Thanks," Lewis said with a grin, then motioned to Owen to follow him as he headed for the stairs. "I'll be back in about an hour to collect the stuff, thanks again!" He said as he and Owen headed down the stairs.

Leonard looked at the small list in his hands, and then up to the open door in front of him that showed a glimpse of Pennys apartment.

"What's going on?" Howard said as he stepped out into the hallway. Leonard turned and looked at him with his mouth slightly agape.

"Um…" He began, "that was Pennys brother. He gave me a list of stuff she left behind that she wants... I don't think she is coming back." He said sadly.

Howard didn't quite know what to say. He couldn't really believe it, everyone had been under the impression that Penny would return, and deep down he still felt like that was true. He figured that Leonard just feared the worst, probably from whatever Pennys brother had said. "What's on the list?" Howard asked and Leonard handed it to him. He looked it over quickly before looking back up to him. "There's nothing on here that would suggest she isn't coming back. Maybe these are just some things she misses. I still think she will come back Leonard." He said with a smile, hoping it will make him feel a little better. "Do you want some help to look for these?" He said as he handed the list back.

"No," Leonard said shaking his head. "I'll be alright. Thanks." He gave Howard a small smile and he in turn gave him one back and a pat on the shoulder.

"Okay, but if you need anything, just let me know, okay?" Howard said and Leonard smiled at him again and nodded.

Howard headed back into the apartment, leaving Leonard alone in the hallway. He took a deep breath, preparing himself to go into Pennys apartment for the first time in weeks. He held the piece of paper in his hand tightly, as he walked towards her door, and pushed it open completely.

Leonard stood in the doorway for a second, taking in the room he hadn't seen in what felt like years. Everything looked exactly the same, just a little duller. The coffee table had a lair of dust on top of it, as did much of the other furnishings. The room smelled musty and felt cold, lacking the warmth that Penny brought to it. He headed straight to the fridge and took off all the pictures that were stuck to it, smiling at the moments captured in them, of Penny in happier times. He placed the photos on to the kitchen counter and headed to her bedroom, to collect the rest of the things on the list.

He entered her bedroom and was immediately hit with a faint smell of her green apple shampoo, and even a hint of her coconut moisturiser. The smell brought a pang to his chest, reminding him just how much he missed her. He headed to her closet, and slowly rifled through her hanging clothes, breathing in the smell of her washing powder as the clean clothes moved along the rail. He closed his eyes for a second to focus on the scent, before opening them and letting a single tear fall from his eye. He wiped the tear away quickly, before shaking his head and focusing on his task. He rummaged through the clothes, and found the grey hoodie she was looking for, the one she often wore around her apartment on the days when she couldn't be bothered getting dressed into anything other than sweats. He sat the hoodie on her bed and then headed to her bathroom, to get her make-up. He wondered as he searched for it, why she even wanted her make-up. She hadn't worn any of it in the weeks before she had left, too busy thinking of her grief to bother about her appearance, and he wondered if it was a good sign she was asking for it, or a bad one. On one hand, she could be feeling better and therefore more concerned about how she looked, but then that told him that maybe she wanted to make herself up for someone in particular. What if she had met someone, or was in the process of looking for someone new. What if she was going out to clubs again, meeting random strangers, getting out of her mind drunk and sleeping around. He shook his head, telling himself that Penny wouldn't do that, but then what was stopping her? She was young free and single and she had every right to go out and try and find someone new. Suddenly he realized the assumption he had just made, and he stopped and sat on the edge of the bathtub. _Penny wants her make-up = Penny is sleeping around._ He let out a slight chuckle amidst his sadness, as he rubbed his head, realizing the extent of his overthinking mind.

He took another deep breath, and glanced around the bathroom, searching for anything that resembled a make-up bag. He rummaged through some cupboards until he came across a pink and purple bag which he took out, unzipped and then zipped back up again upon seeing the make-up inside. He stood up, with the bag in hand and left the bathroom, then sat the bag on her bed beside the hoodie. He looked at her list, and saw that her laptop was next, and then a shoebox with the rest of her photos. Leonard frowned at the last one, since he had no idea she even had a box with photographs, and had no idea where it would be. He studied her room, searching for the shoebox, before getting up and looking around. He checked around the room and under her bed, before heading to her wardrobe, and found it on the top shelf, buried behind all the loose clothes. He pulled the box out and looked at it for a second before setting it on the bed and opening it. A smile spread across his face as soon as he saw the first picture in the box, it was of him and Penny. They were on the beach, she had her arm wrapped around him, a beaming smile on her face and he had his face turned towards her giving her a kiss on the cheek. He sat down on the bed, and took out the rest of the pictures. All of them were of the group, at different places, doing different things, but each one of them had a whole bunch of good memories to go with it. He had a constant smile on his face as he went through each one, chuckling at the ones where someone ruined the picture with a stupid face or in the ones where someone was obviously not happy about getting their picture taken. He shuffled through the pictures, until he came to the first one again, the one of him and Penny. He traced a finger across the image, before removing it from the pile and sitting it beside him, deciding that he would keep that one for himself. He had plenty of pictures of her of his own, but he was drawn to that one and the happiness it captured in them both. He put the pictures back in the box, and then headed out to the kitchen to get the photos that were on the fridge and put them into the shoebox with the others.

Leonard sat on her bed, and took another glance over her room, wondering if there will ever be a day when she is back, sleeping each night in here. He wondered if this really was the end, if Penny really was so happy at home that she had no intention of returning. He hoped not, there was so much he wanted to say to her, so much she needed to know that he didn't get a chance to say the last time he had seen her. If this really was the end, he couldn't let the last time he saw her, be the last thing she remembered about him. He hadn't got a chance to tell her he loved her, that he always would and that he wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. He toyed with the idea of going back to Nebraska with Lewis, and as much as the idea of seeing her pulled him towards that direction, he wasn't sure he would be able to say what he had to say to her, without turning into a stuttering idiot. Plus the thought of him pouring his heart out to her, and not have her come back to Pasadena with him, scared him beyond belief. He traced his eyes over her room once again, trying to think of the best thing to do, when he spotted a pen on her bedside table, and the idea of writing it all down popped into his head. It was perfect; he could think over what he wanted to say and write his feelings down, give the letter to Lewis and tell him to give it to her. There would be no face to face confrontation, she would know how he felt, but he wouldn't have to face the rejection, should there be one. He reached over to grab the pen from the table, but as he reached over, a small velvet pouch, sitting proudly on the table, stopped him in his tracks. He didn't need to look inside it to know what was there, it was the snowflake, the one he had given her years ago, and she still kept it beside her bed. After all these years that little pouch had had pride of place on her table, and he smiled as tears choked up his throat. Maybe she wouldn't reject him after all.


	30. Chapter 30

Penny, her mother, Hilary and her sister, Hannah, were sitting at the kitchen table, talking over coffee, when Lewis came through the front door.

"Guess who's back?!" He shouted from the door, before coming though the kitchen door to see the girls. "Hey!" He said with a smile.

"Hey sweetie!" Hilary said as she jumped up and pulled him in for a hug.

"Oh, you're back." Penny said glumly, before giving a little smile.

"Don't pretend you didn't miss me!" Lewis said with a chuckle.

Hilary instantly went to the kettle and turned it on to make him some coffee, as he was quizzed by Penny and Hannah on his trip. He told them everything about his journey through Colorado, Salt Lake City and Vegas, but stopped when he got to LA, wondering whether it was really the right time to bring up his meeting with Leonard, or if he should wait until later.

"So how was California?" Hannah asked excitedly as Hilary placed a cup of coffee in front of Lewis.

"Thanks," He said to his mom, "Um… It was good." He looked up at Penny for a second before looking back down. "We uh… went to the beach and stuff…" He said shrugging his shoulders.

Penny furrowed her brow a little, knowing there was something he wasn't telling them. "Did you get that stuff I asked you to collect from my apartment?" She asked.

"Um… kind of." He said looking down at his coffee.

"What do you mean 'kind of'?" She asked, "Either you did or you didn't?"

Lewis looked from Penny, to Hannah then his mom and then back to his cup. "Um… well…_ I_ didn't get the stuff." He said with a slight shrug. "Leonard did."

"What?" Penny asked, completely shocked. She looked at her mother, with her mouth wide in shock, before turning back to Lewis. "You… you saw him?" Pennys heart began to race, "H… how was he?"

Hilary silently motioned to Hannah and the both of them left the room, to give Penny time alone to talk to her brother.

"He was alright." He said to the cup. "He looked, I dunno, a little sad I guess." He looked up at Penny. "I like him, he's a pretty decent guy."

Penny smiled and nodded, "Yeah he is… Did he ask about me?"

"Yeah, he uh…" Lewis shuffled in his chair, feeling a little uncomfortable as he wasn't really used to all this emotional talking. "He asked how you were, and if you were coming back."

"And what did you tell him?" She said instantly.

Lewis looked up then back at his cup, "Uh… I said you were doing good, and that you seemed happier, and uh… that it didn't seem like you were in any rush to leave."

"What?" She said loudly. "Why did you say that to him? Why didn't you say I was coming back?"

"I didn't know what to say! I didn't know if you _were_ going back or not!" He replied. "Look…" He said with a sigh. "He uh… he got all your stuff together from your apartment, and he… well I don't know what he done, but he told me he put something in the shoebox for you." He looked up at Penny. "I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing, I wasn't really thinking, I was just joking around you know… I didn't know…"

"Oh sweetie, it's alright." She said feeling instantly bad for raising her voice at him, "It's not your fault, it's mine…" She said quietly. "Where's the box?"

"It's in the red backpack, along with your other stuff." He looked towards the door that he had come through, where his bags were still sitting.

Penny stood up from the table, touched Lewis' head and said, "Thanks." Before leaving the room, getting the backpack and heading up to her room.

Hilary entered the kitchen once Penny had gone upstairs and asked Lewis what had happened. He told her everything right away, and she headed upstairs to get Penny. She entered her bedroom and saw her sitting cross-legged on her bed with an unopened box in front of her.

"You okay honey?" She asked softly as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

"I don't know." She said as she moved her finger along the edge of the box. "He put something in this box for me, and I can't bring myself to open it." She said quietly and then looked up at her mother who was still standing beside the door.

"Why?" Hilary asked as she sat on the edge of the bed.

Penny shook her head slowly, "I'm not sure."

"How about we open it together?"

Penny nodded as Hilary got up and sat on the end of Pennys bed, directly in front of her with her legs crossed, just like Penny. She looked at her mom, as tears began to fill up her eyes. Hilary nodded towards the box, and Penny reached her hand out to lift the lid off. One of the tears filling up her eyes fell down her cheek as her eyes met one of the pictures that had been on her fridge, of her and Leonard. She had asked Lewis to bring all of her pictures back, because she had been gone quite some time and was desperate to see the faces of all her friends again, but wasn't quite sure she was ready to go back yet. And as she looked at the first picture, she was instantly glad she had. She had missed him, more than she would allow herself to admit and seeing his face again, right in front of her and not in her imagination, brought back everything good that had happened around him, back in Pasadena.

She took a deep breath as she began to go through all the pictures, telling her mom the story behind almost each and every one of them. It took them about half an hour to go through them all, and she spent most of the time smiling as she happily reminisced about her days in Pasadena, with her unique bunch of friends. She told her mom about Amy and the way she would often say weirdly inappropriate things to her, and about her monkeys that would be used as a threat to anyone who dared to mess with her friends. She told her about Raj and how he couldn't talk to women without being drunk, and how he often joined her and her girls on their girls nights out. She spoke about Howard and how when she had first met him he was pretty creepy and would constantly use cringe worthy pick-up lines on her, but deep down he was a really sweet guy, and that shone through as soon as Bernadette came into his life. And then she told her about Bernadette, about how good of a friend she had been to her, about how genuinely kind hearted she was, but had a serious temper and was not one to mess with. She told her about Sheldon and how insane he was, about his weird routines and crazy rules that he made Leonard live by. She told her about his special knock and about soft kitty, and how for some reason she always felt like she had to look after him, like he was a child, because he had the innocence of one, despite the fact he was a noted genius.

She stopped after she had told her about Sheldon, as she spotted an envelope with her name on it, beside the velvet pouch that used to sit on her bedside table. She slowly lifted the pouch and took out what she knew to be inside it.

"What's that?" Hilary asked softly, a little confused by the seemingly clear piece of glass Penny was holding.

"A snowflake. Leonard brought it back from the North Pole for me." Penny said without looking away from it, as tears filled her eyes. She traced a finger over the top of the glass, before setting it down on the bed and lifting up the letter. Her hand shook as she held it in front of her and took a few deep breaths as she willed herself to open it.

Hilary got up off the bed, put a hand to Pennys cheek and gave her a kiss on the head. "I'll go make us some coffee." She said softly, the both of them knowing she was just leaving to give her some privacy.

Penny smiled up at her mother, before looking back down at the letter in front of her, as Hilary left the room, shutting the door behind her. She traced her hand over the front of the envelope, as she contemplated opening it, and seeing whatever it was he had to say to her. What if he was telling her he no longer loved her, that the time they had spent apart had been the time he needed to move on, the sheer thought of it terrified her. Just as she was beginning to realize how deep her feelings for him went, this letter could rip it all away. What if he begged her to come home? What would she do? Part of her was scared of leaving home again, out of fear of how her body would react to being back in the same place that had torn her apart. All of those horrible feelings could come back… but if she went back she would have him.

Penny shook her head slightly and ripped open the envelope, tired of thinking about what might be in the letter when it was right in front of her, ready to be read. She closed her eyes as she pulled out the piece of paper that lay within it, preparing herself for the worst. Tentatively she opened her eyes again, and began to read.

_Dear Penny._

_First of all, I want to apologise for my awful handwriting, my hand is shaking like you wouldn't believe. I considered typing this out, but I thought it might seem impersonal, and your brother will be back soon to collect your stuff, so I'm not sure I have time to get my laptop. By the way, I like your brother, he reminds me of you. You sort of look alike, you have the same eyes and similar personalities._

Penny frowned at the letter, she always hated it when people would say she and her brother looked alike, she could never see it herself, but her frown vanished as she read on.

_Your brother told me that you are much better, and I can't tell you in words how happy that makes me. I am so glad that going home has had the effect you were hoping for. He also said that you might not come back, but I don't know if that's true or not. I hope it's not, but I want you to be happy. To tell you the truth Penny, I'm not even sure what I was hoping to write here. I'm conflicted because, well, I want you to be happy, and if being at home makes you happy then, I guess I should be happy you are happy. But I miss you. I miss you a lot, and the thought of never seeing you again is one I can barely stand to think about. I want you to come back, but I know how hard that will be for you. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, to do this in a letter, since I have no idea what you are thinking, but then again, I never really knew that anyway! _

_I love you Penny. I love you more than you will ever know or understand. I need you to know that, just in case you decide that you can't come back. I love you with all my heart and I promise you that will never change or disappear. Just like your snowflake. The time we spent together, is time that I will never forget and will always cherish. You have changed my life completely, and I have to thank you for that. If it hadn't been for you, I don't think I would be the same person I am today. You changed me, without changing me, if that makes sense. You didn't judge the fact that I love comic books, play weird games that you don't understand and collect figurines and memorabilia. You accepted me for everything that I was, and everything that I am, and yet you still made me into a better person. I know myself that I have become more confident, assertive and outgoing, (You got me to go to the beach and in the ocean, I count that as outgoing!), and I know that I became those things because of you. You didn't just change me either, you had an effect on all of us; Sheldon, Raj, Howard, Bernadette and Amy. None of us would be the people we are today if it weren't for you. You are wonderful Penny, I hope you know that. _

Tears drowned Pennys eyes as she read, blurring all the words in front of her, and she began to cry as she read his beautiful, scribbled words.

_I don't know if you are going to return to Pasadena or not. I want you to, but I won't ask you to come back, because if staying home is what you need, I don't want you to feel any sort of guilt for doing it. Do whatever it is that makes you happy, and if you do decide to stay out there, I want you to promise me something. I want you to promise me that you will meet someone and fall in love. And not just anyone, he has to be perfect, I don't want you to settle for anything less than perfect. He has to be the kind of guy that you only hear about in fairy-tales. I want you to find your 'Prince Charming' that will treat you like the princess that you are. He has to be the type of guy that will hold your door open, that will give you the shirt off his back if you are cold, who will hold you through the night, and will never leave your side. He has to be the kind of guy that will never hurt you, will never make you sad, or cry, but most importantly, more than any of all that other stuff, he has to love you. He has to love everything about you, flaws and all. He has to love you more than you love him, you have to promise me that Penny. _

_I hope you come back to us Penny, I really do. Things just aren't the same here without you. Our Wi-Fi password has been Pennygetyourmanhandsawayfrommywifi, for over a month now and Sheldon is itching to change it!_

_Goodbye Penny, although hopefully not for forever. I love you, and I hope one day I will get to say it to you again, in person. _

_All my love, Leonard._

Penny broke down into tears, letting small drops of water hit the paper in her hand. She heard her mother enter the room, sit down on the bed beside her and pull her in close, letting her sob into her shoulder.


	31. Chapter 31

Hilary took the letter from Pennys hand and placed it back in the box. She didn't want to read it herself, she wanted Penny to talk to her about it. The whole time she had been home, she still hadn't opened up to her about anything that had really happened back in California. Hilary let her cry into her shoulder for a few minutes, before turning around and gently lifting her head up to face her. "Talk to me honey."

"I… I don't know what to say." Penny croaked.

"Tell me what's been going on. Is he part of the reason you and Brandon broke up?" Hilary asked softly as she stroked her daughters hair.

Penny looked her mother in the eye as tears continued to flow from her eyes. "Yes. We… We spent a night together." She said amongst sobs.

"Are you in love with him?" Hilary asked softly.

Penny closed her eyes. "I… I don't know. That's part of the reason I came here, to try and figure that out but… how do you know?" She said looking up at her mom. "I thought I was in love with Brandon, but I wasn't. So how do I know if I'm in love with Leonard or not? How did you know you were in love with dad?"

"Oh, honey. That's a hard question to answer." She said with a sigh as she thought. "Your dad and I... we had something that I never had with anyone else... When I was younger, my mom once told me that the man I should spend my life with, shouldn't be the man that I get most excited over. He shouldn't just be the guy that I have a passion for and get giddy around." Hilary looked at Penny, she still had tears running down her cheeks, and was looking at her like she was talking crazy, much in the same way she had looked at her mother when she had said those words to her.

"She told me that the man I should spend my life with, should be the one that makes me feel safe, and secure, and I looked at her like she was crazy, just like you are looking at me now." She said with a slight giggle as she wiped Pennys tears away. "But once I met your dad, I realized what she meant. Sure, we were passionate about each other, but passion burns out. You need something beneath that, it has to go deeper than that, because despite what all these romantic movies and love stories tell us, love is hard. Love can bring out the worst in people, and you need to be with someone who will still love and accept you in those moments. You need mutual understanding and friendship, so that when the passion goes, and when the relationship gets hard, you still have love for one another. You see if you are going to spend your life with someone, it has to be with someone, not only that you _want_ to be with, but that you _can_ be with. You need someone that understands you and your faults and accepts them, and your dad was that person for me. When I held his hand I felt safe, content and loved and I knew I loved him back. I knew that no matter what would happen in our life that he would be by my side throughout it, and I knew he knew the same about me..." Hilary gave Penny a warm smile, as she contemplated what her mother was telling her.

"I've found, since being with your dad, that it's the little things that make you realize how much you care for someone, and how much they care for you. Sure the big romantic gestures are great, but if you have someone who knows how to make your coffee just the way you like, or knows not to wake you on a Sunday morning because he knows it's the only day you get to sleep in, or always brings you home a bag of toffee popcorn when he comes back from the store because he knows how much you love them." She said with a smile, "That's the things that make you realize you are with the right person, and if you do those little things back for them, I think that's a pretty good indication that you love them."

Penny smiled up at her mom, "Is that what dad does for you? All those things?"

"Yeah, and lots of other little things." She said with a smile. "I understand what it's like to be confused about your feelings sweetie, but you have to trust your instinct, trust in what you feel when you are around him. Ignore the passion, and look for the security, the warmth, the little things. Because those are the things that matter, and those are the things that will stand the test of time. Passion fades Penny, true love doesn't."

Penny nodded slowly and gave her mother a small smile, as she got lost in her thoughts. She thought about how she felt when she was in Leonards arms and the one thing she always felt, was safe. Just being in his presence made her feel safe. She was passionate about him too, that much had become obvious, but when the passion had gone, after they had given in to their desire for one another and they would lie in each others arms, she felt content, happy, and _safe_. She thought about all the words her mother had spoken, about mutual understanding and friendship, and she realized she had those things with Leonard. The little things... she thought about those too. The simple gestures that had so much meaning behind them, but she didn't think of what he did for her, she thought about what she did for him. She knew how he liked his coffee, black with two sugars, she remembered how she had given him a Snuggie before he left for the North Pole, to help keep him warm. She thought about how she had stopped wearing her huge heels when they would go out together, after he had told her it bothered him. She thought about the inhaler, that right now was sitting inside the middle drawer in her kitchen, just in case he needed it when he was at her place. The beer, that sat in her fridge beside a small jug of lactose free milk, both for him, not for her. Her moisturiser, coconut scented, because she knew he liked it. The care bears in her room, that still faced the wall due to his paranoia about them watching him, even long after he stopped spending his nights in her bedroom. It was all for him, amongst a million other little things that she done, without a single thought to the meaning behind it. Her heart began to thump, as the scary realization hit her, if her mother was right, and it's the little things that showed how much you loved someone, then she had fallen for him a long time ago, and she had fallen hard.

"Tell me about him." Hilary said to a day dreaming Penny.

"What?" Penny asked slightly confused as she snapped out of her thoughts.

"Tell me about Leonard. You told me about the rest of them." She said as she sat up on the bed, getting herself comfortable. "Now tell me about him."

Penny looked at her blankly for a few seconds, as she tried to figure out where to start. "He… he is the sweetest guy you will ever meet." She said with a smile as she looked down at her hands. "The first day I moved into that apartment, he was so kind to me. He invited me over for dinner, and he let me use his shower. He even went to Kurts for me to try and get my television back. _The first day_ mom." She said looking up at her. "The first day I met him and he was treating me better than most of the people I already knew…"

Penny looked back down at her hands again, and then smiled, "He's the biggest nerd ever. He has a huge collection of comic books and all these toys that are apparently collectibles. I found it so weird at first; that he collected all that stuff, but it's kind of cute, it's just like me with my teddy bears...He has all these different costumes too." She held her head up again to look at her mom. "I told you how he went as Frodo to my Halloween party, but he also has two Star Trek uniforms and a Green Lantern costume… Or is it Arrow?" She said with a frown, tilting her head to the side. "No, I'm almost certain it's Lantern…"

Pennys smile faded, and she spoke quietly as she looked at her hands again. "He um… he has this amazing…need in him to make everyone around him happy. He's so selfless. He barely thinks about himself and what he needs he just… he just focuses on everyone else. I love that, but I also hate it you know?" She lifted her head back up to face her mom. "Like, it is such a beautiful thing that he wants to make everyone happy, but I just wish sometimes he would put himself first." Penny tilted her head down and lifted up the letter he had written her. "Like in this letter, he told me he loves me, but that if I don't come back its okay and he wants me to find someone that loves me and treats me right." Tears began to well up in her eyes once more as she shook her head. "I don't think there's another man in this world that would say that to me… He's incredible mom. I honestly don't know how he managed to become such a good person, because if you ever met his mom…" She said widening her eyes and shaking her head as she put the letter back down. "It's a miracle he turned out as good as he did..."

A small smile crept onto her face once again, "He has a beautiful mind. He is so, so smart. When he talks to me about his work or about anything really, he does it with such intelligence, it _fascinates_ me. I could listen to him talk for hours. I hardly understand what he is talking about half the time, but it doesn't matter, because if you could see his face whenever he talks about the stuff he loves, you would see how passionate he gets and it's hard not to be pulled in by it..."

"He makes me laugh, even when he doesn't realize he is being funny…" The smile faded from Pennys face again and she looked her mom dead in the eye. "He makes me feel safe mom. I don't know what I would have done these past few months if I didn't have him around… " Pennys voice became quieter and slightly sad as she spoke, "He always knows the right thing to do, or say to make me smile, even when the last thing I want to do is smile. He has such a good, loving heart. I trusted him the very second I laid my eyes on him, he's the only man in this world I would trust with my life." Penny turned her head up to her mother and smiled, "Except from dad of course…"Penny turned her eyes to her bed again. "He's just…" She thought for a second, and then sighed. "...incredible."

Penny kept her eyes down as she felt the bed move. She thought her mom was going to lean over and let her put her head on her shoulder, like she had earlier, but she didn't. Hilary stood up off the bed and headed to Pennys wardrobe.

"What are you doing?" Penny asked as she looked up, and saw her pull some clothes out of her closet.

"We are packing your case." She said as she pulled out more of Pennys clothes. "You are going back to California."

"What?" Penny said slightly panicked. Sure, she knew how she felt about him now, but that didn't change the fear in her that going back to Pasadena could make all those horrible feelings of guilt, of emptiness and loneliness come boiling back to the surface.

"You can't stay here forever." Hilary said, stopping what she was doing and looking at her. "As much as I love having you home, Nebraska isn't where you belong anymore. You should be in Pasadena, at home, with him."

"But… but im not ready!" Penny said as fear took over her body.

"Penny, you are never going to be fully ready." Hilary walked over to the bed again and held Pennys hand to calm her down. "Sweetie, what happened to you, will stay with you forever. You will never forget it, and part of you will probably always feel like something is missing, so there is no point in continuing to hide from it." Hilary gently touched Pennys hair, moved it away from her face, and tucked a strand behind her ear. "Look at yourself Penny. You are as ready as you are ever going to be. Being here isn't going to change what happened. You need to move on now, and back in Pasadena, there is a man that will be by your side while you do, a man that misses you, that loves you, and that you love back."

"But... I'm scared mom." Penny said quietly.

"What are you scared of?"

Tears began to fall down her cheeks, "I'm scared of hurting him. What if I…"

"Penny." Hilary said firmly, stopping Penny before she could go on, and then began to speak, much softer. "That's a good thing. You _should_ be scared of hurting him, and of losing him, but that shouldn't stop you from being with him. The fact you are scared of hurting him just proves even more how much you care about him, and that is what will stop you from doing anything that _could_ hurt him. But just because you are scared of it, doesn't mean you should run from it, like you are doing now, because if you do, you will forever be saying those words you just said, _'what if'_. And that is no way to live your life."

Penny stared at her mother for a few seconds as her heart raced. She was right. It all became so clear to her in those few moments, so much so that she wondered how on earth she had missed it before. She had either been blind, or completely unwilling to admit to how she felt. She loved him, and she needed to tell him.

"So, get your butt off this bed, and pack your case, while I book you a flight." Hilary said as she moved towards the door. "And the next time you decide to come home for a visit, bring Leonard with you, because I really want to meet him." Hilary said with a smile. "Okay?"

Penny wiped away the tears that were falling down her cheeks and smiled. "Okay."


	32. Chapter 32

Leonard walked slowly up the stairs to his apartment, lost in thought over an equation that had been bugging him for days. He had two bags in his hands, full of food for the gang who were upstairs waiting on him. He reached the fourth floor, and glanced towards Pennys door, as he always did. It still hurt to see it, knowing she wasn't inside, but he still looked, hoping for something to be different, but it never was, and this time was no exception. He sighed as he turned the door handle and walked inside his apartment, to see all his friends look up at him.

"Hey guys, sorry I took so long, I had to go to three different stores to try and find Sheldons special soy sauce but none of them had it in stock." He looked over at Sheldon, expecting him to instantly stand up, and complain about how that just wasn't good enough, but he didn't. He looked like he was about to burst. Like he was holding something in, as he desperately looked around the room at his friends, who all had a small smile on their faces as they looked at Leonard. "What?" He said, puzzled by their reaction to him. Then he heard the toilet flush, and a small crashing noise, before a mumbled curse. Leonard looked at the bathroom door with a frown, wondering who it was, and then it opened and a blonde beauty walked out, holding something in her hand, and not looking up.

"Sheldon, don't be mad, but I think I just broke your," Penny looked up and stopped talking as her eyes met Leonards. "Toothbrush case." She said quietly finishing off her sentence. Her heart leaped at seeing him and she couldn't contain her smile. "Hi."

"NO!" Sheldon said, breaking the temporary silence. "Oh, Penny, you have been home for less than one hour and you have already ruined my life!"

Penny didn't move her eyes from Leonards, she just stared at him and smiled as Sheldon took the broken plexiglass from her hands. Everyone else was deadly silent, as they looked on with smiles on their faces.

"Sheldon," Amy said in a hushed, yet firm tone, "Come on, let's go." She said as she nodded towards the door. Everyone else began to leave in relative silence, however that just wasn't Sheldons style.

"Where are we going? We haven't even eaten yet, I'm hungry." He moaned.

"Move." Amy growled and Sheldon glumly obeyed.

"Alright, I suppose the food wouldn't be worth eating anyway without my soy sauce. Can we go to Big Boy?" Sheldon asked as he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

It was just Leonard and Penny left in that apartment, alone together, for the first time since they had had their tearful goodbye over three weeks ago. Leonard was stunned, unable to speak, and slightly scared that at any moment he was going to wake up, and this was just going to be a dream. "Penny?" He asked as his heart raced.

She said nothing. She just smiled and nodded, before slowly walking the distance between them.

"What are you…" He began before stopping, "How did…" He stumbled over his words, as Penny continued to walk towards him. "When…" He kept his eyes focused on hers, and before he knew it she had stopped, and was standing right in front of him. Close enough that he could smell that coconut moisturiser, and see the tears that glazed over her eyes. She didn't answer any of his half questions, and he barely breathed as he looked her in the eye, he just stood there, staring at her. She reached a hand up to his cheek, and he closed his eyes as soon as she touched him.

Penny took one more small step towards him, and then kissed him on the lips. The kiss was soft and gentle and didn't last more than a few seconds, but it was electric. She pulled away from him, and he opened his eyes to her again, fully expecting to be in his bed, having just woken up from a dream. But this was no dream, he was still standing in the middle of his apartment, and Penny was still standing in front of him, looking as wonderful as she ever had. The sad, dull demeanour she had had before she left was gone, and she had returned looking fresh faced and healthy, full of colour, and stunningly beautiful.

"I missed you." She said quietly as she put her forehead to his, looked him in the eyes, and then let her head fall to his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight, never wanting to let him go.

Leonard enjoyed the feeling of her head on his shoulder, her nose and breath against his neck, but only for a second, before putting his hands to each side of her head and pushing her, ever so slightly away from him, so that he could see her face again. He traced his eyes over each part of the face he had missed so much, taking in every detail, until his eyes met her lips, and he couldn't resist the urge to kiss her again. This time, their kiss lasted much longer and had just that little bit more passion behind it. She entangled her fingers around the curls in his hair, and held his head, forcing his lips to stay on hers.

When their lips finally broke apart again, she smiled sweetly at him, before giving him another quick kiss, "I missed you so," She planted a flurry of soft kisses around his mouth, "so... so," She kissed down his jaw and back up to his mouth, feeling him smile against her. "So... so much." She stopped her downpour of kisses, to look him in the eyes again. "I will never, ever leave you again." She said quietly.

He was still in shock, today had just been like any other day, he had never imagined that today would be the day she would come back. "You promise?" Leonard said. It was the first words he had spoken to her that actually made sense, and it came out in a croak.

Penny smiled and moved her hand from around his neck to touch his cheek. "I promise... I love you Leonard."

Leonards heart skipped a beat at the sound of those three words. She had never told him she loved him, and hearing it felt a million times better than he ever could have imagined.

"I love you more than you will ever know or understand." She said with a smile, repeating to him, the words he had written to her.

A smile spread across his face. "You got my letter?"

Penny nodded. "I did. And I realized something. You said you wanted me to meet my 'Prince Charming' and fall in love. Well, I realized that I have already met him," A smile spread across her face, "and I'm already in love with him."

"Me?" He asked almost in a whisper. He was almost sure she was talking about him; after all she had just said she loved him, but something in him needed that confirmation, he just wanted to be one hundred per cent sure.

"Yes, you." She said softly. "It's always been you, and it always will."

Leonard felt his heart almost burst out of his chest, and just as he was about to say those three words back to her, she spoke again.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can't believe it took me so long to see it, because now I have it seems so clear. You make me happy, and you keep me safe. You love me, even with all my faults, even after everything I have put you through." Penny kept her hand on his face, her thumb gently stroking his cheek as she spoke. She began to tear up and her voice began to crack a little. "You still love me. It doesn't make sense, you should have given up on me a long time ago, but you didn't, and I am _so_ glad you didn't. But I promise now that I will never hurt you again and I will never leave your side, because you mean the world to me Leonard." Penny began to cry, tears of pure joy. Everything she had said she meant with all her heart. She hadn't meant to say it all, but it all just came pouring out of her, she needed to make sure he knew just how much he meant to her, how much she loved him and how she had no intention of ever being without him again. He had barely gotten a chance to speak, but he didn't need to, he had already told her how he felt in his letter, and in everything he ever done for her. She knew he was crazy about her, and she had to make sure he knew the same feelings existed in her for him.

"I want to marry you Leonard. I want you to be my husband, and I want to be a Hofstadter." Penny smiled as she sniffed away her tears. "I want to be yours for the rest of my life, and I want you to be mine."

Leonard frowned slightly as he listened to what she had just said. Was she asking him? Or was it just a statement? Should he ask, or should he wait for her to continue? Leonard barely had time to decide what to say to her, because she spoke again. "Will you Leonard? Will you marry me?"

Leonard was stunned. He didn't quite know what to say. Of course he wanted to marry her, but they had only just gotten back together. This was the first time they had seen each other in weeks, and he wondered if she had really thought it all through, if she realized what a huge jump she was making. "Penny, you know I love you." He said softly, "and nothing would make me happier than marrying you…" He could see Pennys smile widen and he kicked himself inside for what he was going to say, but he had to, he had to make sure she knew what she was doing. "But are you sure this is what you want?"

Pennys smile dropped and she moved her head back slightly as a frown appeared on her face. "Yes, I'm sure." She said immediately.

"Are you really? We haven't even started our relationship again properly yet. Don't you think we should wait a while before jumping into marriage?" Leonard could barely believe what he was saying, his heart screamed at him to take it all back and just say yes, but he couldn't take the chance that she was just full of emotion from being back home and would later regret this decision. She had agreed to marry someone else before, and look how that ended up, he didn't want the same for them.

Penny stared into his eyes, and could almost see all the clogs working overtime in his brain. He was thinking hard about something, probably doubting that she was serious, but she was. She hadn't intended on asking him to marry her, but as she had said all those things to him, it just felt right. She hadn't thought it through, but what was there to think about? She loved him, she didn't ever want to be with anyone else, and her mom had told her that she should spend her life with the man that made her feel safe and loved. He was that man. Yes, it was probably too soon, but then again it wasn't really. They hadn't been in a relationship together for longer than a year, but they had known each other, and been friends and occasionally lovers, for over seven of them. They had built the strongest foundation to their relationship, and there was nothing more she could find out about him. She knew it all. She hadn't lived with him, but she couldn't wait to. The thought of it didn't scare her, like it had with Brandon, it excited her. She couldn't wait to spend each and every morning and night in his arms. She wanted his face to be the last thing she sees before she goes to sleep and the first thing she sees when she wakes up. She wanted to come home to him, to have him decorate her, _their_ home with all his quirky objects. She wanted them to merge together and one day, have a family. And a dog, she definitely wanted a dog. She had spent so long in doubt over her feelings, and now she finally knew and understood them, she didn't want to waste any more time, when she knew that marrying him was what she wanted.

"Leonard, I understand what you are saying. I know this is a huge leap, but I want to take it, I really do. What's the point in waiting? Haven't we waited long enough?" Penny took a deep breath as she placed her forehead on his, "I love you. I don't want to be without you ever again. You are the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, I know that now." Penny looked him dead in the eyes as she held his face with her hand, "Marry me Leonard."

She was asking him again, and he could tell by the look in her eyes that she meant it. She may have asked him once without thinking of what she was doing, but she wouldn't have asked him twice. He knew she will have thought it over in her head, and she wasn't the type to keep on asking for something if she wasn't sure it was what she wanted. "I love you too Penny, with all my heart." He said softly, before putting his arms around her waist and pulling her in close to him. "And I can't wait to be able to call you my wife."

Pennys face lit up, and her smile spread across her face. "Is that a yes?"

Leonard couldn't help but smile back at her. He gave her a gentle kiss on the lips before saying. "It's a yes."


	33. Chapter 33

Penny was sitting on her sofa, happily flicking through the channels on her television, as she waited on Leonard to return home from work. He had moved into her apartment just over a week ago, and although her home was still slightly untidy from the move, and there were still a few boxes of his stuff that hadn't been unpacked, she couldn't be happier. The first week had been amazing, and she loved having him around her all the time. Even when he was at work, like he was now, she was still surrounded with his stuff, his comics were on her table and his clothes were in her closet. There were little pieces of him scattered around her apartment, and she loved it.

Since he had moved in, they had barely been able to keep their hands off one another, as they made love all over their apartment. The passion was there, that cat was alive and out for good, and although it may not last forever, although she knew at some point they would be able to be in the same room without constantly feeling the need to touch or kiss each other, she was going to enjoy it while it lasted. She knew at some point they would start to argue over stuff, and that there would be days when they might be sick of the sight of each other, but it didn't matter, because she knew he loved her, and he knew she loved him, and they were going to be together forever. They would get each other through whatever troubles they may encounter from now on. They were going to get married, and they were going to have children and they were going to grow old together, because he made her feel safe and secure, and that was what mattered.

The move back into her apartment hadn't been easy, but she knew it wouldn't be. She was hit with those horrible feelings that she had thought she would be, every time she saw something, anything that would remind her of what had happened, of what she had lost. But any time she had those feelings, Leonard was there. He would place his hand on her shoulder, or on her back, he would give her a smile or pull her in for a hug, and those feelings became easier to deal with, because he was there to support her.

The scan picture, the only evidence she had to prove she was once a mother-to-be, was placed in a small frame, and put on the bookshelf. It was a hard decision to make, to keep the memory of what she had lost, in her apartment for anyone to see, but she didn't want it to be forgotten. What had happened, had happened for a reason, and she had decided that Leonard was that reason. It had taken something as massive as this, to make her realize just what he meant to her, and how she couldn't be without him. He was her rock, and she knew had he not been around to help her through it, she would probably be a completely different person right now.

Penny continued to flick through the channels, then grinned as she heard his footsteps outside of the door. She put the remote down and got ready to jump up and greet him with a kiss, and then show him what she had been dying to show him all day.

"Hey!" He said as he walked in the front door.

"Hey sweetie!" She said as she bounced over to him and gave him a kiss.

"I have something for you." He said with a smile as he held up a small bag.

"Ooohh!" She said excitedly. "I have something to show you too! But you go first!"

Leonard chuckled, "Okay," He said as he walked over to the sofa and sat down, closely followed by Penny. "Here you go." He said as he handed her the bag to open, barely able to contain his smile.

Penny immediately looked in the bag and then put her hand inside it and pulled out a small box. Penny knew instantly what it was, and looked at him in shock for a second, before opening it, and seeing a beautiful, sparkling diamond ring looking up at her. Penny opened her mouth in shock and looked up at him. "What is this?"

Leonard giggled, "I think you know what it is," He said as his face beamed with joy. "Try it on, make sure it fits."

Penny smiled, "I know I know what it is, but… You aren't supposed to do this, I'm the one who proposed remember?"

"Yeah I know, I remember, but I'm not really one for flashy diamond jewellery." He said with a chuckle as he reached out and took the box from her hand and began to take the ring out of its box. "I'll be happy with just a gold band. Plus, every bride-to-be should have an engagement ring, whether she is the one who proposed or not." He looked up at her for a second then back down as he took a hold of her left hand and he slid the ring down her fourth finger. "Yay, it fits."

Penny stared at him for a few seconds as she tried to keep her tears from falling. "You are amazing Leonard." She said as she stared at him, "I love you."

Leonard smiled and leaned in close to her, "I love you too." He said before kissing her and then pulling away.

Penny almost grabbed his head and pulled him back over to her, when he said, "So, what did you want to show me?"

"OH!" She said excitedly, as she jumped up and ran to the bedroom. "Okay, close your eyes!"

Leonard sat back in the sofa and did as she said, "Okay, but you should know, if you come back out here in some Victoria's Secret outfit, I am going to be _so_ disappointed!" He said sarcastically with a slight giggle.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Mr. Hofstadter!" Penny shouted from the bedroom.

"It's Doctor actually, you would think you would know that by now!" Leonard shouted back out to her.

"Sorry, _doctor._" She said almost seductively as she left the bedroom and entered the living area again, with her hand behind her back. "Okay put your hands out." She said to him as she sat on the coffee table in front of him.

"Okay." He said, a little confused as to what she was doing, and put his hands out in front of him.

She placed the small four by four cube in his hands and then said, "You can open your eyes now."

Leonard opened them slowly, and looked at her for a split second before looking at his hands and seeing the Rubix cube he had given her, with each side completed. "Oh my God!" He said with a grin. "You did it!"

Penny giggled, "Yeah, you don't have to sound _so_ surprised!"

"I'm not surprised, I knew you would do it," He said as he looked it over. "I'm proud." Leonard looked up at her and grinned. Penny smiled back at him, and they stared at each other lovingly for a few seconds, before Leonard said, "I thought it would have taken you longer." He chuckled as Penny pretended to be offended and lightly hit him on the arm. "You know what you have to do now? You have to mess it up, and try and complete it again quicker than you did the last time."

"Nuh, uh." She said as she took it from his hand. "There is no way I'm messing this up, it took me long enough to get it like this!" She said with a giggle, sub-consciously realizing that what she had said about the cube, mirrored how she felt about him. The cube was now complete, and so was she, and there was no way she was going to mess either of them up. "I'm going to put it over here," She said as she got up and placed it on the bookcase, one shelf below her scan picture.

"You might not want to do that," Leonard said from his space on the couch. "If Sheldon sees it, he will mess it up."

"Why?" Penny said with a frown.

"Because you done it to him" He said with a slight giggle.

"No he won't!" Penny said walking away from the shelf, "And he will be getting a swift kick in the nuts if he does!"

Penny and Leonard shared a laugh as she walked over to the kitchen, mindlessly playing with the new addition to her hand. "Do you want some coffee?"

"Yeah that would be great." Leonard replied as he picked up the remote and flicked through the channels.

"Black and two sugars, right?" Penny said with a grin, knowing that it was.

"Right."


End file.
